Player Comments on Soul Thief

This was highly touching and delightful.
When I first clicked into this storygame, I took this as a random story I saw on the homepage. You already surprised me with the illustration of a rabbit. I didn't even pay much attention to the fact that this was a contest winner.
I loved how every character was created with their own personality and feelings, as if they were real. You successfully did 'show, not tell' and all of them had their own style of talking and actions.
My favourite character was Athena. Fun, troublesome, observing. I was bummed when she 'killed' Bunni's mother, and from this I can see that gods aren't necessarily perfect. They have a lot to learn, just like humans. Which leads to the second point, Edol. Edol being the 'Soul Theif' really surprised me. Edol is the antagonist, I suppose, so of course at first I didn't like him. He's arrogant and jealous. What makes him interesting is he hid his feelings towards Irene, but Oberon knows.
I was really sad when Irene died, just because of Edol's jealousy. Irene was so sweet and loving. The scene of Irene and Oberon saying goodbye really melted my heart. Every character was explained in great detail and I skipped the concept art so the characters would stay the same, imagined look in my brain.
The settings, each god's domain and each parts of the Earth was described so well that I could imagine them in my head, as if I was there. The fountain, vines, white roses... I got really absorbed!
I'm really satisfied with the grammatical accuracy and the beautiful vocabulary. There were no text slangs and everything was written in complete sentences.
This must have taken an awful lot of work! I really appreciate all the clear effort put into this storygame. 8 marks!

This is certainly a vividly imagined story, part myth-creation and part love story, populated with characters who (sometimes) defy the rigidity of their roles.

Technically, this isn't a storygame, but rather a narrative in which the reader chooses which page to read. The beginning and end is the same no matter what happens. The experience is somewhat having a 50-page story written on loose-leaf paper, when then get scattered into the wind. Five different people go chasing after them, and each walks away with five different versions of the story, the pages not necessarily in order.

At least, this is my impression. I've read through "Soul Thief" twice, with the second read almost completely different than the first (other the common beginning and ending pages, and one or two scenes in between). The effect is that I felt sort of like a butterfly flitting around a park, eavesdropping on various conversations without ever hearing one in its entirety. This leaves little gaps here and there throughout the story that made me want to come back and give it another try.

But at the same time, it is very easy to miss key scenes, including character introductions in which attributes and motivations are revealed. These characters may then appear later, seemingly out of nowhere, and thus the sense that I'm only reading a fifth of the overall story..

Normally, I'd find it difficult to read a story about gods, since gods are by definition two-dimensional characters, at best. For instance, a God of War is inevitably god-like, the Goddess of Love is inevitably beautiful; there is nothing new to reveal about them, just the little morality play about how love can defeat war, or whatever. Long ago, people created myths as a way of explaining the human condition; stories that are simply about the gods are difficult for me to relate to.

In this case, we do have Oberon, an otherwise stereotypical god of death (up to and including the required skeletal frame, black robe, and soul-harvesting scythe) who falls head-over-heels for the goddess of life; one attends every human birth, and the other presides over every human death. The story is very engaging when these two are the focus; I tended to lose interest when the focus wandered.

The issue of "focus" is perhaps my biggest complaint about "Soul Thief," as the narrative voice really doesn't have a perspective. It is omniscient to a fault, told in a long series of mostly one-line paragraphs in which a character speaks, acts, and/or reveals a tidbit of their state of mind (often all three at once). Any one page may have four or more characters involved, each one given the identical amount of attention, and often none emerging as the real star of any given scene. This meant I had to keep track personally of who had a grudge with who -- or just as important, who begat who. And since, as I mentioned previously, these character relationships may not be revealed on any single read-through, I sometimes felt like I was jumping into a grudge match before getting a firm grasp of who the players were.

But what a story, though! When these gods throw punches, entire galaxies and universes are spun away with the impacts (making me wonder about the beings who populate those galaxies and universes, wondering like the rest of us why they were created and what their purpose is). When they are happy, fields grow fertile on Earth. And when the human souls go missing... something about the dead wandering aimlessly? The metaphysical mechanics left me with some questions.

This is undoubtedly a vividly imagined story, and one worth reading at least twice, making a point of finding the pages missed the first time around.

Oh man. I hope I'm wrong, but I feel like this is going to forever be one of the most criminally underread/underrated stories on the site. Our edgelord and ace population avoids the L&D category and the weebs looking for their twu waifu aren't going to have the capacity to appreciate this.

The pantheon you've created here is just lovely, I have always been really fascinated by settings like this, just all types of 'little g gods and their rules and disputes' plots. Some of the names are of course familiar from elsewhere so there may be a tiny bit of confusion there for new readers at first, but all the gods and their appearance, personalities, and roles are so well defined that shouldn't last for long.

The writing is for a lot of this very simple and straightforward, there are so many sentences like 'Oberon thought this. Athena did that.' but it becomes almost rhythmic after awhile and in a weird way works to give it weight. Statements are very decisive and direct, but at the same time the whole thing is colorful and full of imagery.

The characters have all these human qualities like, well, a certain someone being a jealous nice guy incel instead of ancient and wise like I'd have expected, but you don't ever forget they're also wonderfully inhuman too. From endless little visual details like Irene's hair always floating around her like the petals of a rose and flowers blooming as she walks, to all of them flying halfway across the galaxy and influencing entire planets like its nothing, or a sad goddess going off to sit on a faraway star and be alone for awhile.

Oberon's dialogue all lacking quotation marks was effective too, it's hard to explain how it changed the inflection in my mind, but it was just sort of this sense of him uttering things from the darkness, which fit. Also, he was way more fun and sweet than the god of death had any right to be, but obviously Irene brought out a lot of that in him.

The structure of the story, while I feel like it might potentially bug purists for being (ultimately) somewhat linear, reinforces the magical immortal nature of everyone with the way it floats around through time and perspective. You may eventually wind up in the same place, but you can miss a lot along the way if you don't take the time to go back and try other links.

The Rebirth theme for the contest was strong in this one too of course, it was a creative take on it and the win was well deserved.

It's a beautiful story, I hope more people discover it and take the time to read it.

amazing! every choice leads to one ending but it is still great!

Phew. I’ve finally read every word (I think). Great story. Dare I say, epic?


Good:

1. As with other MHD stories that I’ve read, this story is written with very smooth and polished prose

2. The story contains a fairy tale quality, with sweet romance

3. Great dialogue

4. I enjoyed exploring all of the different parts of the story through my choices

5. The continuity with and being referenced in MHD’s other works was enjoyable. This and several other of MHD’s stories are so intertwined that they might as well have the Part of Series tag on them


Bad:

1. There were weak transitions between some pages that made it unclear whether the story was simply relating what had occurred in the past or events were actively happening in the present that slowed the story’s narrative momentum at parts


Finished art for this story would have been great.

I actually think this game is too boring and would rather do smth else bye

This story is one of my first here on CYS, if the stories on this site are like this one, I think I'm going to really enjoy it here! I really love how you wrote the relationship between the two mains, and how quiet but strong their love for each other was right up until the very end. The ending I got was a bitter-sweet one, but in my personal opinion when comes to love stories sometimes those ends tend to be the best ones

Can't wait to read more of your stories! You have a real talent for story telling!

this would of made me cry if i wasnt reading it in class :) its so heartwarming and perfect for a persons whos just started on this website! i love this so much and my heart aches so much knowing that this story cant go on forever. love it :)

I loved this so much it was so good and sweet and all the characters were well written <3

I think it would've been more interesting if Mira could heal Irene. Then the story would leave on a more positive note. The death was so fast-paced, the reader could not recover in time. Also, if Edol was jealous because of Irene's love for Oberon, why did he kill her? This feels inconsistent.

my simple mind aint too good with fancy talk like this, but not a bad read

Finally got around to reading it...
8/8
A very beautiful story that really captures the feelings and affection of real love in a way that many others have tried and failed at. The romance between Irene and Oberon is a similar old tale that has been told long before in the stories of Hades and Persephone but with a much more "human" or Real quality to it instead (it also leaves all the bad toxic traits from the greek myth stories of Hades and Persephone in the trash in favor of new or returning good traits). I love the little moments with the Couple like the first gift white rose ,the endless bouts of Oberon just admiring Irene, the opposites attract thing they have going on (pretty basic but works too well) and finally the dance scene ;) ;). The ending had made me feel some emotions to say the least the loss of Irene was shocking and watching Oberon mourn was painful and contagious I could not help but be sad with him. The rebirth at the end was heartwarming and changed the relationship dynamic from romantic to fatherly with equal passion with no beat skipped.
I really like how the souls being stolen is really a back drop and stage to watch these various Gods interact it makes this story feel like a universe that has life beyond the reaches of the text and that makes me want to hear more from this mythology. One of my only gripes is want the minor gods to be a tad bit more fleshed out like Oberon and Irene were and would love to hear more about the minor gods and more interactions of them with others.

Overall 8/8 experience glad I finally was prepared enough to read it and it's welcoming (from the looks of it) that you have a sequel coming at some point. You are very talented and I plan on reading your other stories very soon.

I really struggled to rate this. On the one hand, the writing is clear and creative. The world and characters are rich and vital. As well, I applaud experimentation; today's edge is tomorrow's bedrock.

On the other, I felt adrift in the narrative. As others have pointed out in various ways, this isn't a game so much as a wibbley-wobbley blob of interrelated vignettes. This isn't bad, per se (see above re experimentation) but it was bad FOR ME. To be captivated by such an experience, I do need to be present in some way and I felt absent from the story.

It's important to be clear, this isn't a comment on the story/game as story/game/art. Preference plays a huge part in whether a game will land for any particular player. I'm just stating how I experienced it.

I wonder at the possibility of maintaining the general content as it is but writing in an omnipresent narrator/observer that is the player. They could be an even "higher" god who observes the gods, in the same way that the gods observe humans, providing the player with their inner observations of the goings on. Some "choice" could be threaded in throughout; not only which moment to observe next (the player god expressing their interest) but in the player god being able to exert some small influence.

For example, the scene with Athena observing the two men fighting could have an alternate route (this won't necessarily affect the overarching story) where the player god could push Athena in one direction or another, potentially based on previous interactions (some kind of player god to god relationship). Perhaps the game could end the same way, narratively, each time but there could be some kind of good/bad love/disconnection rating based on the player god's interference.

I applaud your efforts!

I think it was really smart the way you put it together. It was emotional and deliberate. Well done.

I liked it-- though i think the gods should have been protrayed as less human. They should be more viseral. Thats just a personal opinion though. It was very good writing, keep it up my friend. It reminds me a little of the Inhertitance trilogy. Have a good day. Call someone you love today. Or better yet, talk to them in person.

Like all of MHDs stories, this one is a doozy. Follow the stories of the gods, a bunny, and a little girl in this story of rebirth. Each read through won't change the story. You'll just find more pieces of it. It's a worthwhile read and I highly recommend it.

(SPOILERS AHOY)

Straight off the bat, being an adrenaline junkie and adventure-lover, this story was far from what I was expecting.
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It was better than what I was expecting. The gods we are introduced to are varied and interesting, multi-dimensional and almost human. They feel pain that is (kinda) relatable and experience joy in a similar way to us. They have aspirations and feelings. They love and hate. They are unreliable and unpredictable.

Another high point for me was the style of the story itself. I love the fact that the story follows a non-linear format as the story deals with beings above human comprehension. It's also a welcome break from the typical cause-and-effect type of storygame, and yeah, it does kinda rob you of control of the story. But why would you, a lowly mortal (just kidding, don't sue me, please), expect to have control over the actions of the gods? I also commend the idea to not include Oberon's speech in quotation marks as it adds to the gods' mystery and incomprehensibility. It's the little things that make a good story and great story.

The love between Irene and Oberon is beautiful and eye-watering. Their story is not rushed and is given enough attention that it feels just like human courtship (a.k.a. dating). Edol's jealousy towards Oberon is another thing that helps the relatability of the story, showing that the gods aren't too far above the ways of humans.

As far as negatives go... I couldn't find any. I played through a third time just to find issues in the story (I am a terrible human, I know) but I couldn't find anything. Nothing's perfect, but this is the closest I have seen since I joined the site.

THE VERDICT? It... depends. If you are a typical action meathead, you may not like this book. If you are a frequenter of romance novels, this book is perfect for you. This story subverted my expectations and it did indeed bring me enlightenment.

8/8

Wow. This was absolutely stunning. The work that was put into this is astonishing and rare these days. I wanted to see every slide, every word, every possible route. You have some serious talent as an author and I would definitely recommend this to others. Lots of detail, lots of action, lots of romance, a good plot, everything I could've asked for. Phenomenal job, truly.

I want to praise this entire story, much like everyone else has, but I want to instead single out the very ending. It came out of nowhere- in a good way. It somehow made the story ten times better because it was a verbal story being passed on from one generation to another. While the older generation stopped believing in the tales and thus gave it to children who will take the stories into their hearts and care for them is so sweet and real that it brought this story home. I love how the child really felt for these characters and clearly got a meaning out of the story, just like us readers did, and couldn't sleep but rather had to search for parts of it in the real world. Bravo.

So this story struck me as very strange. It is very unlike anything I have read on this site, and it was shocking to read it. If you haven't read it and are just reading my comment because you are the kind of person who reads comments before reviews then go read it now. It truly is a very good story, and I think it deserves more attention. Even if you don't like love and dating stories, you should also read it. It is about love, but there is so much more to it then that.

So to start things off I'm going to talk about the highlight of the story. The characters. This story is very character based. In fact this story would be awful if they sucked. Characters and the idea of them being gods are really all this story has, so it's a good thing I love them so much. Oberon's lack of quotation marks was something I noticed, and while I understand it was intentional, I didn't really like it. Oberon himself was very cool, and I assume EndMaster was a infulence for him. Irene was also really sweet and I loved her. Her being created by Edol to fall in love with him, only for her to fall in love with her polar oposite was very cool. Speaking of Edol, he makes the read hate him so much and it just works. And when he kills best girl you FEEL Oberon's anger in that moment. You want him dead, and want Oberon to win no matter what.

Now with Adora and Despond. I like Despond a lot more, and while I like Adora, the way she is always hurting Despond with no drawbacks iruks me. It gives me a real brother sister vibe, but with Adora being the favorite child. It makes me feel very bad for Despond. Though I wouldn't say this is a fault of the story, and I can get behind the brother sister thing they have going on. It feels very natural between the two. The fact that they each loved a human only for them to die is another thing they have in common. They feel like polar opposites, but at the same time they feel so simlar. They feel like two scared children.

Now Athena and Mira. These two are the characters that have the least amount of thing behind them. Athena is very proud and that is shown when she tries to shoot Mira and cries, "No one is immune to my arrows!" I like how much she doesn't care about much more than having fun. She likes the humans sure, but she is a middle ground between Despond and Adora. She is just looking for a good time. Now Mira. There isn't to her character until she becomes Sage. It feels a lot like that was all she was made for. I like how Peace was made from Death and Chaos though, that was a nice touch. She was alright, but she is easily the one I am the least intrested in in this amazing cast of characters.

Now stepping away from that we get to what is most strange about this story. The branching, It is so strange! A lot of the time it follows this path. The page you're on normally has two links. A and B. Now page A will lead to page C and D. And page B will lead the Page C and E. And then E and D will either lead to F or C. And C will either lead to D and E or F. This makes someone who wants to see every page very frusterated, but this is not a fault of the story.

Now what is a fault in terms of the branching is the lack there of. This story has no real choices, and for the most part any pages you didn't click on still happen. There is also only one ending, and that is something I only consider really acceptable in game or puzzle storygames. The one ending this is the biggest flaw of this game by far, and is it's only real major one.

I will say that the game isn't really focused on who the soul thief is. I mean it is, but a lot of the game is just remebering past events. which is fine. It was kind of a let down for it to be Edol all along, like that was some big mystery. Though it doesn't really matter. While this game is called Soul Thief, this is really a game exploring the god realtionships with each other. And that is very good.

All in all this is a very good game. I shouldn't give it a 7, since it has no branching, but while I'm hestient to call it branching, the way the choices work deeply surpised me, and I was not expecting it. This review has been by far the longest I have written, ~850 words, but this story had a lot to talk about, I feel like anyone should read it and it deserved it's feature.

7/8

What an original and beautiful story :) I really like the way you told it, it reminded me a little of Greek myths with it's otherworldy tone but of course your tales are far more in-depth. The writing was fantastic and hard to describe, this was more an "experience" than most other things I've read lately and a very good one. The drawings were a nice extra bonus, you genuinely have a real talent when it comes to writing and drawing :D