The Virtual Reality Game

Well, I clicked on this game expecting a bit more than the game delivered. But it is not the worst game out there, and I can see where the author at least tried to do something with it.

I initially liked the idea of this game, since placing the main character in VR allows one to suspend logic and even physics.

This story turned out to be a Lolrandom type of game, but carrying out this type of story takes a bit more skill than many folks realize. It's more than just putting random weird stuff in the story. Not everyone will be the next Douglas Adams. This storygame did not really deliver the randomness well.

I actually wish the author would have left the randomness out of the story at least until getting inside the VR. This would have most likely led to a higher rating in my opinion, and possibly a much smoother storyline. For example, instead of having my neighbors big dogs eat me and end story simply because I went there, perhaps give me an out to continue on my path. I didn't find this random death funny or productive to the narrative.

The characterization was pretty weak. I found it a little hard to get into the mind of the main character and understand his motivations.

The writing was a bit choppy. Additionally, this story could have been a lot better with a bit more description and imagery. How did it feel for the main character to go outside finally? How did he feel after finding this new VR game? etc.

The story seemed to do a pretty good job with branching. There was a variety of choices and many of those impacted the game.

Overall, this was a good concept, that was underdeveloped. With enough effort it has the potential to be a solid game.

This story suffers from the common problem of lacking detail. At most there is a paragraph on each page. While thus is more acceptable when used in interactive fiction, so that the reader can quickly advance the game, you still need to find a balance. Describe what the levels look like. Describe the fear. Explain things. Create dialogue. What you have here is a summary: "You did that, then you did that." Go into the actions in detail.

Another annoying thing were the choices. Oftentimes they were random. Sometimes you would do something, and would be sent directly to the End Game and Leave Comments page without explanation as to how you died. Besides that, the interactive part was mostly done well with consequences and such (despite the fact that nearly every other choice lead to death.)

It also felt a bit pointless to have the random choices at the start which had no effect on the virtual reality and just rambled on. What does a gingerbread house evil lady have to do with a sci-Fi virtual reality game? It felt meaningless to have that and that section was prone to change genres quickly. Cut to the arcade!

Also, the friend disappeared so many times, coming in and out of the story at random.

Despite these faults, though, this story has some nice potential. You understand punctuation, spelling, grammar, and capitalization. You understand how to make a story interactive. And I enjoyed the game even with its drawbacks. Keep on writing :D

This thing suffers from having a little paragraph at most for the pages. Yeah, that means you can progress faster, but balance is key. Describe it in detail. The random choices are okay (they're not in the real world), but the fact that you put fewer sentences than me in my first storygame (which also suffers from being vague) kind of makes this deserve a 3/8 from me. This story will benefit from more details.

Hi my name is Prudence. If you are an astute person you probably discovered that I have spent 48 hours reading these books because I am depressed because of my name that my mother gave me because she lost a bet. And to finish this, I am so sad, the books are over. If you want me to continue living, marry me!! And give me dog food, I like it.

pluto is malevoulous

I don't understand what I just read lol

its ok

liks

bad

Huh. I think at some point we are supposed to forget that it was a virtual reality game in an arcade. And forget about that friend too. But... interesting.