Theriocide

Theriocide Review

IMPRESSIONS BEFORE STARTING THE STORY:

Excellent word choice for the title. “Theriocide” is a very distinctive word that I had to look up because I had no idea what it meant. When I looked it up, Google said that “Theriocide” means “Actions caused by humans which lead to the death of non-human animals, such as deforestation.”

Before even starting, the story managed to capture my interest because of its unique and clever title. “Theriocide” carries a dark and violent connotation. Combined with what I already know of typewriter cat’s writing style from reading her previous story “Legend”, I know going into this that this story will be brutal, gory, and beautifully written with great prose!

I also really liked the short description. You don’t mince words, and somehow, the brevity of the description makes the story that much more compelling because we don’t know anything about this story but that it’s a revenge story, and it’s probably going to be violent and bloody.

STORY REVIEW:

I know I already did this for “Legend”, but I loved that first sentence! “Smoke rises from the gaping hole in its abdomen, guts swirling like purple snakes as you dip in a hand and pull out some organ you can’t quite place.” It’s gross, it’s gory and visceral, and leaves such a disgusting afterimage in my mind that if I try hard enough, I can almost feel the squishiness of the guts and, expanding beyond the scope of the original writing itself, even smell the pungent aroma of fish entrails. The point I’m trying to make is that you do a good job of transporting the reader. The image of the main character’s nails piercing through the fishman’s belly and scratching against the floor captured 2 of my fears: nails piercing through flesh and nails scratching against a hard surface. Both of those images are inherently uncomfortable, and you somehow managed to mix them together to create a new level of unsettling writing! You really nailed the sensory imagery in this passage and it’s gross, in the best way possible!

Just like in Legend, the language used is grand and ornate. Gems like “ the fish-men were fated to be no more than a blip on the grand clock of humanity's conquests”, “the oceans will bleed red before you are done” and “the tar-like substance as warm as a daughter’s hand trailing across your cheek” really stand out amongst already great writing. The metaphors and figurative language used in this story aren’t just merely ornamental, but rather, they relate directly to the plot and the events occurring. The reference to the daughter’s hand trailing across the main character’s cheek is based on the main character’s actual daughter, who was murdered by the fish-people.

“Ah. You've gotten derailed in your own delusions.” This line made me laugh because I did something similar to break up a character’s rumination, except in this story, the line is actually natural and seamless. It fits well here. The rumination wasn’t actually that long, yet this line shows that the main character is driven and no-nonsense, as she doesn’t have time to sit around and think, lost in her own thoughts. I also liked how you acknowledged that the main character tends to have her mind wander, but now, she can’t afford to, because she’s on the cusp of getting her revenge.

You captured a mother’s emotion at having her daughter soullessly ripped away from her beautifully. I love the mix of anger and sadness. She’s broken, and may never heal, but she’s also furious. The image of the undercooked egg splattering against the floor aided in communicating the main character’s emotional turmoil.

In between the violence and gore, is a strangely melancholic philosophical tone as the main character is prone to go on mental tangents, questioning the Gods and thinking about what lies beyond death. Normally, I would have felt that this would drag the story, and it would have bothered me, but I think you did a really good job here of not making these ruminations feel out of place. Rather they add depth to the mother’s character and a sense of deep profundity to the story.

We also get to see her contempt for the fish people, as she internally describes them as “deformed things, hardly capable of speaking in a proper tongue, a mess of limbs and scales, with eyes and hands where there should be no eyes nor hands.” In this respect, the narrative voice is employed well at shedding some light into the main character’s psyche. We see the world and the fish creatures, how she sees them, coloured by her loss, her rage, and her sense of nihilism.

Ultimately, she’s fighting a losing battle. It’s one woman against an army of fish people, so in the branch I took, I had a choice whether to flee or take down as many of them as I could.

When Surmila chooses to fight, just when all hope is lost, her daughter suddenly speaks to her! Crazy! Or at least, Surmila imagines it, as it gives her strength and bolsters her resolve.

I spoke a lot about the characterization of Surmila and the inherent violent and brutal nature of this world, but there’s a lot more going on here. The worldbuilding, with the fishmen and Sargon, is really good too. You also do a great job of depicting the fish-men as these despicable villains, displaying yellow teeth and mockingly laughing at Surmila when she’s at the end of her rope. We also get insight in how they see humans, how to the fish-men, humans are nothing but food. It was nothing personal to them, so they can’t even fathom why she’s taking revenge, since it’s just food. Nothing more. Somehow, having villains that dehumanized and so detached makes them even more scary than villains who can feel empathy and understand what they’re doing is wrong, yet choose to do it anyway. Because these villains are otherworldly, at least with more human villains, they might have had a tragic past or something that caused them to turn evil. But for the fish-men, it’s just predator and prey. That’s it. I liked that dynamic between Surmila and the fish men.

Finally, I liked how the author revealed the daughter’s name right at the end, when Surmila dies. Alia. Surmila and Alia. Those are really nice names. I’m glad she at least got to be reunited with her daughter at the end, because that death was really brutal(the fish-man’s claws digging in Surmila’s stomach as she pulls on the harpoon and after she rips off the fishman’s jaw, lol).

Thank you for this story game, it was great! I think I like Theriocide even more than Legend because of the strong character voice, the gritty writing, and just overall excellent narration. Ultimately though, the emotional weight of the character’s situation was the heart, and the reader almost feels Surmila’s pain and desire for vengeance like it's their own, which is the mark of great writing! Nicely done.

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

There are only six words in this storygame’s description (not counting the part about the contest), yet it nicely summarizes the protagonist’s situation and motivation throughout the story. I have to learn from TCat about being more concise.

The story starts with a few cryptic, poetic phrases that I’ll probably enjoy a lot more once I figure out how they relate to the narrative. As for the first page, descriptive writing is employed really well. It immerses the reader as the protagonist observes the scene, with choice of diction creating a dark, magical atmosphere. The use of active verbs like “smoke rises” and “guts swirling” makes the prose feel more dynamic. Similes and metaphors are used to provide a glimpse into the setting: “swirling like purple snakes” imply it takes place in a fantastical world and “warm as a daughter’s hand trailing across your cheek” hints at the protagonist’s possible ties to her family.

“You’ll have to manage, show them all what you're really made of.” — This develops the protagonist further too, as she has a desire to prove herself through difficult feats (relatable).

Woah. She’s eating a fish-man alive? That throws the reader into this grimdark setting and further characterizes the protagonist too. Description doesn’t shy away from the gory details, befitting the tone of this story. I really like the line: “the oceans will bleed red before you are done”.

Next, a bit more about this world is revealed. A radio asks if she has secured Quadrant Four, though her internal narration reveals she has not. The deep point-of-view is effective, allowing the readers to connect with the protagonist and understand her rationale for her seemingly brutal act. She wants vengeance more than anything, driven by such a strong hatred that “a hundred-thousand years of basking in their screams would not be enough” and this mission is merely a means to an end. The protagonist has a dramatic tendency, which is also reflected in her words and thoughts. She sees herself as a force to be reckoned with, holding the power to destroy them. Each of the examples show the extremity of her anger and her (possibly overly generous) evaluation of her own abilities, e.g. “bringer of their fate” “wiping their names from the annals of history” and “damned the instant they dared touch her”. I like that the story addresses the derailment, as it shows it is a deliberate personality trait of the protagonist rather than a pacing problem.

The first choice is between her desire and duty; between giving into her impulsive anger or selecting the safer decision. Either way, it is presented as a significant one, as the protagonist is reminded of how a few minutes could be the difference between life and death, like it was with ‘her’.

WRITING STYLE

I love how the description is used to develop the protagonist’s goals and character. For instance, the part about the different sectors might seem like a short infodump, but it is relevant to the protagonist’s mission. The details of the shadowed room, with “charred skeletons and bones yellowed with age” is not only highly immersive, yet also hints at the protagonist’s backstory. Having the cracked skull of children is an effective way to trigger readers’ emotions: it allows them to sympathize with the protagonist while painting the fish-men as cruel and barbaric villains.

Tying into this, pacing is executed well. Information about the protagonist is inferred as the story goes on, creating a sense of mystery. This is seen when the description of the childlike skulls mention “children who should never have been caught up in war and should be safe and laughing and happy as she was not”. It makes the next part choice more meaningful: she sees a ribbon like her late daughter’s.

“A-L-I-A, written in loopy cursive. Alia.” — The way her name is repeated twice, before the realization sinks in (“It’s her”) adds to the emotional impact here.

When the fish-men attack, the use of sensory details paints a picture of the gruesome result: “Claws scratch across a path from your shoulder to waist, blood dying your uniform red, your breath coming in stuttered gasps.” Cumulative sentence fragments quicken the pace, while showing that these occur in an unbroken sequence of events.

I like this extended metaphor: “never give them the satisfaction of knowing they have broken you like an undercooked egg against the wooden floor, yellowed yolk bursting against the boards and seeping into the cracks where you will never be able to get it out and it will fester like you have festered all these years” — It’s especially fitting, given how the protagonist believes she is broken beyond repair and her only purpose is to avenge her daughter.

There are a lot of poetic, introspective lines: “All stories begin in the dark, some in the dark of a mother's womb, and others in the lack of knowledge, and all stories will end in the dark.” These convey the story’s tone very well, as well as the protagonist’s pessimism which likely stems from her daughter’s death. It fits the atmosphere of a world where humanity is fighting—rather, losing—a war to a violent, merciless enemy.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

The protagonist is a mother who seeks revenge against the fish-people for killing her daughter. On top of this, she is blinded by rage and torn between duty towards her fellow humans and vengeance for her child (though she leans heavily towards the latter).

Information about her is revealed slowly as the story progresses, leaving unanswered questions in the readers’ minds. On the path where she chooses to fulfill the mission, a lot of interesting worldbuilding is shown: humanity is in a war against the fish-men, who have killed many and taken their children hostage. She has lost her daughter as part of this war. When she discovers her daughter’s ribbon, choosing to rummage for it leads to an emotional yet healing scene. The fish-men attack before she can mourn. She grapples with guilt, thinking it is fitting she dies with her daughter, as she failed to protect her.

“Is avenging her worth your life?”—I like how this is isolated in its own paragraph to showcase its significance.

Only then, as the protagonist is saved from near-death by a wall, preparing to kill every one of them at the cost of her own life, she chooses to question this misbelief. “She was only seven years of age when they took her. She wouldn't have wanted this.” Although she has spent much of her life believing this, she finally realizes how her motivation is flawed. So instead dying for her daughter and bringing more death in the process, she vows to live for her instead. It’s a really sweet ending, though my only nitpick is that her character development occurs a bit too rapidly. It seems more like a split second decision than a transformation that takes place over the course of the story.

On the other branch, the fight scene is written well, maintaining a suspenseful tone and a growing sense of dread. The protagonist gets really close to surviving. Yet, she ultimately ends up as dead as the fish-men she killed.

Moving onto the vengeance path. This is where the prose shines with descriptive language, making even abstract concepts like death and love and religion feel so…real. It adds depth to the protagonist and her view of these matters. She appears to be somewhat depressed, consumed by her hurt and hatred, obsessed with a goal which she believes would make things right. The recurring motifs of the sun and darkness to represent hope and surrender is very nicely done.

Even the action scenes and their violent consequences are highly immersive. At first, her hatred for the fish-men bleeds into the description of them, from their unintelligible tongue to their deformed appearance. And when she’s injured, the protagonist sees the droplets of blood as rubies on her daughter’s necklace. Then she fights back. The protagonist relishes in the carnage, her feet gliding against the blood, her mind imagining the slit throats as bright red smiles. It’s dark and deadly but beautiful, in a haunting sort of way.

In one of the scenes, the protagonist’s abusive husband is mentioned. This likely explains part of her self-blaming nature, as he is depicted to have abused her while making it seem like her fault. Oh, and it's inferred she killed him. It's interesting how she recognises that her judgment is crowded, yet continues to act based on this. This is a good example of how characters can only live according to their own beliefs, no matter how flawed, as that is all they know.

As such, she is too distracted by her thoughts to see the fish-man, and ends up a tragic antihero. In a way, it's a corruption arc. Her own misguided values led her to this death. The last glimmer of sunlight is hidden away behind the clouds forever. And here, she realizes that Sargon's carelessness is every bit as much to blame for the attack as she was. It is thematic that the last word she hears is her daughter's name.

In the other branch, the protagonist loses control as she kills numerous fish-men, only to be stopped by one last one. As she's pinned down, it's the voice of her daughter who reminds her to get up. This contrasts the branch where thinking of her daughter reminds her that she would never have wanted her mother to lose her life in this quest for vengeance. That scene implies that in the current ending, the protagonist succumbs to delusions, wanting nothing more than to hear from her daughter, hence she imagines her voice as if she has grown. This thought comforts her as she dies. The conversation with the fish-man was fascinating too, as it shows how they view humans as food (ironic given the inverse occurred at the start).

Ultimately, this storygame is quite well-written and I enjoyed how it explores complex themes such as grief and guilt, and the lengths one would go to in order to avenge a loved one.

I meant to review this storygame quite a while ago, but better late than never, I guess. So if there’s one thing that can be called Typewriter’s trademark, it’s the brutal, gory, ultraviolence. This story felt like a slasher movie where you’re the monster killing monsters. If that appeals to you, give it a read. It’s not too long after all.

Speaking of the length, I do think the fact that it was short did work in its favor. The paragraphs are mainly fight sequences and emotional turmoil. If you like Batman, but wish he was a much more murderous woman, you’ll enjoy this gore fest for sure. I will qualify that while shocking, none of the gore really pushed into the nauseating extreme for me. I was able to eat and read at the same time without vomiting. That’s an extremely important metric for me.

I also do like the driving motivation of a mother bereft of her daughter seeking revenge. Parenthood is generally a compelling motivation, and it was slightly twisted from protective instinct into something darker without becoming totally alien to the average audience. Congratulations.

There’s really only one part of the story that bothered me at all, and that’s where you have the odd conversation with one of the fish men about your daughter. After all, why is he bothering with that when he already knows that you’re a killing machine. I suppose it’s possible that the fish men are just incredibly dumb, but other than this schmuck, they seem aggressive enough to make up for it. It seemed a little out of place, but it’s possible the deadline forced a truncated version of the reveal of the fishmen’s philosophy of death and the hereafter.

All in all, it was definitely entertaining. It may not be that meaty or meaningful from a story perspective, but it was quick, brutal, and fun. Sometimes that’s all you really need. Personally, although I am aware that it was not intended as the main route, my favorite path was the one where you stick to the mission and die clearing the sector. What can I say, I’m a good little sheep like that.

Anyway, congratulations Typewriter on making your contest entry incredibly entertaining.

Badass! Imagine if a great white shark suddenly ate them all though...

Kill the fishes! Rawwwwrrrrr!

Really provoking and captivating read, thank you for writing and publishing this as it has given me some inspiration for my own writing. All the best

- - Quick Review - -
Exhilarating story! With vivid, grotesque action scenes and heartfelt MC passion and rage, this story is sure to keep you popping another bag of popcorn and leaning in again and again for frequent excitement. If you’re into graphically violent, brutal, vengeful, action-packed, and/or dangerous feeling stories, definitely give it a read.

SPOILERS WILL FOLLOW THIS WARNING SIGN

- - Highlights- -
Like other commentators have mentioned, very intriguing with the title “Theriocide”. It sets up the story very fittingly.

Very vivid details of setting but most importantly the action and gore— gave me the strange human feeling of not being able to take my eyes away from the sanguinary scenes; which I admire as it’s very difficult feeling to invoke from a reader through words alone.

I also very much appreciated how the story starts out in the middle of a rage-filled action scene. Got me hooked and excited right off the bat. Speaking of how the story starts out the very first thing the reader gets to do is make a choice! I love and appreciate this, makes me feel like I’m really piloting the story from the start. Also on the note of the storygame’s beginning, I liked the slow realization and buildup of the knowledge of what exactly is going on/ has happened. In some stories it makes for a better read to just present everything up front but for this one in my opinion it added to the effect and experience of the whole story.

The deep descriptions of Surmila’s inner thoughts and feelings are incredible. They are passionate and engaging; helping to really bring such an important character to life and increase the reader’s connection to her.

I like the option to read author’s notes. It shows the author’s care for her story, as well as respect and appreciation to those who helped her and the readers.

The flashbacks in various parts of the story were also a nice touch. It gave me a vague grasp on the world in the story as well as more character depth by providing some backstory. I also liked the little bits of background and info that let the reader know there is some kind of war going on.

The metaphors and figurative language in this story are also so creative! They certainly aided in the descriptiveness of action and characters. Much more exciting to read too: for example, “…before blows are raining down on you like a match spewing sparks” vs a description like “…before many rapid blows are striking you all at once”. The story isn’t incorrect without them, but it IS much better when they’re included.

I have a little sister around the age of Alia, so as for me personally I can really connect to the strong emotions the author describes Surmila feeling. Just comes to show how real-feeling this story is.

The imagery in this story was top-notch. From the fish-men monsters to the mountain of human remains. And the imagery is that vivid all the way through, from the very first sentence (which was very artistically written) to the end of each and every ending. I could not only see the story, I could hear it, smell it, feel it, and even at times taste it!

It is obvious that the author took special care in her word choice. The story is flooded (hehe) with elegant language, further highlighting the attention to detail that Typewriter cat put into this storygame.

I appreciated the difficulty for this style of story. Raging and seeking revenge doesn’t give you very high odds for a satisfactory ending, and the author portrays that perfectly.

- - Oh, hey there Horton, we were just getting to talking about you - -
I don’t have much that I find wrong in this story. The only room-for-improvement things I have to say are:
There are a couple typos and punctuation errors throughout the story. Certainly far from enough to distract from its glory, but worth a short mention. The most common error in punctuation I saw were run-on sentences with an over-abundance of commas.
The other thing is that it’s such a great story, so I would just love to see it branch out more and go for longer. Of course I understand that this was a contest entry with a time-crunch, so I can’t really hold that against this story.

- - Final Thoughts - -
Theriocide is a violent, stomach-twisting, well-executed, passionate story that takes the reader on a short yet thrilling journey to seek revenge for the brutal murder over their young daughter. It is definitely a fun and exciting read, though not for the faint of heart. I will definitely be reading again just for fun, and would recommend for others to read as well. Congrats on your incredible story Typewriter cat; your works never disappoint.

Wow that was pretty cool. Could have been longer though, but hey what a ride it has been.

I wish she took the time to prepare the sushi properly before eating. 0/10

Ah, a nice revenge story.

This was well written and entertaining and made good use of imagery. I liked the story, and I think vengeance provides a good motivation for all the carnage.