Those Ever-Grinding Teeth

This is certainly a compelling story with an interesting setting. The unthinking, restless horror that the swamp fish make creates a sense of foreboding and dread that is well tended to throughout. It's an especially good premise as the ocean itself often is representative of terror and mystery.

Some of the things I appreciated in this story is the depth of description that goes into the fish and setting. The fish were terrifying death machines, but had enough weaknesses that it made sense that our protag could potentially survive. It was also a good call making them potentially cannibalistic, because without that, I would often have been given to wondering how they don't overfeed and end up starving themselves out. I also like the thought that you gave to the town and temple. I have no doubt that you had a clear image in your head. They seem completely believable.

I also want to quickly say that you wrote in one of my favorite kinds of action sequences. An absolute slaughter where nobody fights back and they all just let it happen. I enjoyed it a bit too much.

There were a few issues I had with the story. The one that frustrated me the most was that on the way to Raal, when you get put in a cage, it's an eternal loop. That should probably be fixed. It also seemed like there weren't any characters that really got a chance to shine, which is unfortunate. The story definitely could have used a chance to breathe and have a bit more social dynamics. There were also a few places where some key information isn't given. The one that stands out to me the most was that it was never described how the protag found the secret staircase in the temple. It made the whole progression feel weird.

All in all, it was interesting and fun, but needs a little work to be more coherent. I had a good time reading it.

Overall I did like the story. Here are a few thoughts that I had while reading it.
I liked the opening page and how it set the scene. You stayed pretty consistent with the tone of the story(At least in the path I read), so that was good. Your vocabulary was nice too, although I will admit that I had to look up a word, lol. That reminds me that I really need to work on my vocab.
When you were talking about the fish in the beginning, there was some contradiction. You said repeatedly that they live in the swamp, and even once that they can only live in the swamp ("May they remain confined to the swamp, for if they were to get loose, only the gods could help us"), but when the ship sails into the island, it's attacked. Now, because this is an island, I'm assuming that it's surrounded by water and not swamp. The fact that there are fish in the water attacking the boat says that either this is an island that's surrounded by swamp, or that the fish can indeed be in the ocean/other bodies of water.
I did like the irony of the name "Isle of rest".
I feel like some parts were rushed while some parts had a lot more care put into them (which makes sense because it was a contest entry) ,so maybe after the contest if you took the time to put the care into the pages that were more rushed, then my rating would probably go up.
I typically don't enjoy choices that are just "go right or left" type things where either it doesn't matter or you have no clue which way to go, and you did have one of those in the beginning (go to port or starboard), and while it didn't affect the story which one you chose, I still think that you could do without it, especially if they both lead to virtually the same thing.
There were a few grammar issues, such as a comma splice here or there, but nothing so big that it took away from my reading experience.
Overall, I did like it, so nice job. :)

I loved it. It should, in quite fact, in my opinion, be a movie someday. I would quite frankly love to see it! Good job, dear Creator!

It's lower rated than it deserves. It reminds me a lot of the classic adventure cyoa books in regards to the premise and the way the prose was written. If the author tried to write a horror story (seems so in the tags), it had clearly failed. It lacked the kind of tension and general heavy use of the senses like sound and smell you normally expect in horror.

However, it did work a lot as a comedy. Perhaps it's the way you could make the main character do horrible things like shoving a man in the water as the sacrifice or letting a little girl die and be instantly smited for it or the very cartoonishly evil cult that is a blatant ripoff of the cult of Dagon or sarcastic metaquips that makes the story a lot more lighthearted. Due to the mc being pretty much a bland slate, it wasn't as if I felt very driven to care much about their fate which made the more bloody scenes less painful to watch and more like average slapstick.

All in all, I like it! It was a fun read.

Going through “Investigate Chanting” at Raal puts you into an infinite loop where joining or refusing to join loops you back

I loved the atmosphere you created with this game. I ended up going more inland because I felt like that was the way to solve the problem, but I loved all the parts involving being at sea with the terrifying fish the most, even if I didn’t encounter that many of those moments in this specific playthrough. The writing was rich and vivid. Very fun game!!

The story was interesting and well-thought and I liked the writing style, especially at the beginning with just enough descriptions to make the story feels immersive. The details and explanations became more sparsed toward the end though, making some parts and choices feel sometimes a bit rushed and/or random. Still definitely worth a playthrough!

Well written and engaging, although some of the deaths were abrupt (particularly the roadside investigation). It is unclear that earlier reference to Raal is as a town and not a person. Likewise questioning the acolytes in Raal is an endless loop that just throws you back a page.

Little to no SPAG issues that I saw and an overall fun adventure story. Will probably read again.

Just a note that there's a bug with the green shoots, using them takes you back to the page where you gathered them, and you have to collect them again (at which point you have two) and then use the second copy to progress). I am gonna assume this level of meta difficulty was NOT intended for this puzzle.


Some parts of the plot hold up to scrutiny better than others, others rely a bit too much on coincidence and guesswork, but overall a fun adventure story. I might be biased because I just like Goodnight's style of creating these little worlds that feel like they can be interacted with and explored. I am guessing certain aspects of this were cut for the deadline,

I do love that my first act upon arrival was to just start butchering some people in a church basement, I mean I don't know the local customs but they just seemed sketch, okay?

To see my score.