ultraoverlord, The Wordsmith
Just another zombie apocalypse story. I see too many that are either short, boring, or not that good story-wise. Just throwing this out there for people like me.
This is also my first story, so excuse any errors.
Just as things were starting to feel 'normal' again
The world you once knew is crumbling around you. Streets that used to be full of life are now full of empty cars and empty stares from the dead. Buildings fall, people die, families break, and the world seems to be ending.
And in the middle of it all stands a young man, married a few months ago. For you, life was just starting. You never got a serious job, you couldn't decide whether you were having kids, and right as you were content, you heard a noise in the living room...
Wennipeg was a man who made all the wrong choices in life. Now he was stuck with nothing but a burden of regret. That is, until he was given a second chance.
Update 1.1: Fixed a minor error where the first page switches to second-person for a moment.
Update 1.2: Fixed link text where it said 'head for home', rather than 'Wennipeg headed for home', and a few similar errors.
Recent PostsTying a variable to an item on 9/19/2018 7:58:14 PM
Okay, thanks. I picked through all the articles trying to find something useful, but I understand this is quite the oddly specific setup.
E:I need to slow down while typing.
Tying a variable to an item on 9/19/2018 7:33:34 PM
Let's say I have a story where a guy has to move boxes across a bridge. The boxes have different weights (3 pounds, 5 pounds, etc.) but the guy can only carry ten pounds of weight.
Is there a way to tie the variables to the box items (I would make them items that you collect on the page) so that if someone tried to carry more than allowed, they couldn't?
Hello World! on 2/25/2018 4:30:52 PM
Contest Preferences? on 2/25/2018 3:38:44 PM
I think I'm actually gonna try a contest for once.
I like the two month model as well, I can work on this for as long as I need to to make it feel like a story to be proud of. I personally like the pick-your-own-prompt, although general themes like 'horror' work well too. As for awards, just a trophy or a bunch of points would be fine.
Just Another Motivation Thread on 2/24/2018 11:03:23 PM
Yes, all that stuff is clarified. This is a new day, and your group has discovered several sets of tracks. You've also been to the top of the stone wall, in the previous page and before that (where I explained the drop-down, and how you could walk down without getting hurt).
And yes, I wasn't trying to make the wolf sit down. I was trying to describe that thing that all dogs do when they see a chipmunk or whatever. I'll try to explain it better. Thanks for the feedback!
Just Another Motivation Thread on 2/24/2018 8:38:26 PM
More updates. I'm currently working on a transition into the fantasy realm that doesn't feel weird or out of place. At this page's point in the story, the characters are deep in the woods, after starting the wolf hunt. They follow tracks down to the 'portal', and stuff starts happening.
Not wanting to break anything, you take the incline down. There are more tracks down there, but they go...right into the stone wall.
"Uhh..." Gabe stutters. "That's not a thing wolves do right? Do they just disappear?" He's the only one to even open his mouth. You and your friends stare in disbelief at what you see.
"There has to be some....maybe....maybe they just wiped off the mud, and that's why there aren't any more tracks," offers Damion, but you all know what bullshit that is. There is simply no explanation for what's in front of you.
"The only way they could have gone is...through the wall," you say. You think about how stupid that sounds, but what other explanation do you have? As your group continues to stare in awe, you hear a rustling behind you. Everyone turns around to see a lone wolf standing in the treeline. For a moment, everyone is silent. Wayne is white with terror (Well, he was already pretty pale, but, like...paper white).
Sammy is the first to act. He takes his stick and slaps the ground with it. "Begone, beast!" Your body is pulsing with adrenaline. You're expecting the wolf to jump out and devour Sammy, but it doesn't. It simply turns around and leaves.
"Well," Damion says after the wolf is gone, "Now we know they're here."
"That still doesn't explain the wall phenomenon," you point out. You stare at the tracks, trying to think of a way the animals could have changed direction, or buried the tracks, but nothing comes to mind. Suddenly, the rustling comes back, and the wolf is at the treeline again. This time, you aren't as scared.
"I thought I made myself clear! Begone beast!" yells Sammy, and he almost looks like he's about to walk up to the wolf. As you open your mouth to stop him, the wolf backs up and lowers itself. The hair on the back of its neck stands up.
"Sammy," you whisper, "Sammy, no..." Sammy seems to catch on to the fact that something is wrong, and backs up, but he's too late. The wolf launches out of the brush, barreling towards Sammy. Panicked, you throw the rock, but it hits the ground far behind the wolf. You expect to see the wolf pounce on Sammy, but instead it brushes past him, and leaps directly into the wall.
A slight ripple is created, as if the wall was liquid.
The five of you stand there, frozen, in complete, dead silence. Your mind rushes to make sense of what you just saw. That was no trick of the light. That just happened. Finally, you drop to your knees. The stone wall is still rippling from the collision.
You sit in silence for a few more minutes.
Sammy, being the brave idiot he is, is the first to approach the wall. Had you been in a good mental state, you would've reached out to stop him, but you're still waiting to wake up from whatever crazy dream this is. Sammy slowly approaches the wall, and reaches out to touch it.
Finally, you come to your senses. "Sammy, wait!" You get up and rush over, but you're too late. Sammy is pulled into the wall, and disappears just as quickly as the wolf did. You stop, right in front of the wall. The surface looks...fake, somehow, like this isn't a stone wall at all, but a detailed cover for something else. This can't be the same wall you've climbed for years. You put your hand out to touch it yourself.
Now, normally, this isn't something you would be doing, but the wall has some sort of property that attracts you to it. As soon as your fingers come in contact with the stone, your world changes completely. You're on a different plane of existence to the rest of the woods around you. Time seems to slow down, the idle noises of the forest die out, and you are traveling.
Traveling, through some sort of tunnel of light, watching things go by, people, things, entire timelines dying and being born right in front of you. Are you dead? Is this what happens after you die?
Eventually, you regain consciousness. Consciousness in your body. You're lying facedown on the grass, in a forest. But not the forest. Not your forest. There's no stone wall in sight. The trees are towering, with thick vines that you've never seen wrapping around them. The grass is thicker, fuller than the clearing you know. You look around, for something familiar...
He's laying there too, facing the sky. He looks visibly shaken up, like he was in a car crash. He's breathing slowly, very slowly. Soon you become aware of others, Damion, Wayne, and eventually Gabe. You're all here, but....
Where are you?
Since I'm telling this from the kid's point of view, I'm trying to make the warping journey from the real world to the fantasy one kind of ambiguous, but I've rewritten it five times. Especially looking for feedback on the way the character feels once he's traveling, and when he arrives. Is this a good transition? If not, how could I make it make sense and not feel out of place,but at the same time make it ambiguous and nonspecific? This isn't just a main character, I'm attempting to tell a story from the point of view of a young kid who doesn't have the best judgment, and certain things (portals to other worlds, for example) go over his head. But, yeah, criticize away.
Just Another Motivation Thread on 2/19/2018 5:21:54 PM
Just a quick update on how I'm doing, no need to reply. (I'm probably going to edit this):
>Still deciding the course of actions in the other world. I know I want it to be traveling through the new world in an attempt to get home at first, but once the characters realize that's beyond possibility, they come to grips with it and make the best of their situation
>Possible final boss? Don't have a name or anything for it yet, still working on the basic concept
I know this is really small, but this is a bare-bones outline right now. This'll grow.
Just Another Motivation Thread on 2/17/2018 9:14:16 PM
Thanks for all that. Yes, the protagonist performs surgery on himself to remove his spinal cord and leave it on the side of the trail before continuing. Thank god for proofreading.
This game also also not set in today's time, because kids playing outside wouldn't be believable nowadays. The swearing reinforces the kid's age, because he's at that 'swearing is cool' age. I plan to drop a few unnecessary swears in the dialogue from the kid's perspective.
Thanks for all the advice!
Just Another Motivation Thread on 2/17/2018 6:46:43 PM
Bated isn't a word, baited is correct. But, thanks for that other catch.
Edit: Just checked, and I am wrong. Thank you
Just Another Motivation Thread on 2/17/2018 4:53:24 PM
Seeing as Big Project #1, Roamers, is 75% of the way done, I thought I'd share my next big undertaking, and what better way to do it than a motivation thread?
The story follows a group of kids who find a wormhole in a forest, and end up exploring another world. It's kind of like Narnia without the dickwad Edmund.
NOTE: This will be the second page of the final story, because the protagonist is playing a video game. The first page is told from the video game character's perspective, and this is the story switching to the main character.
"Ah, shit," you mutter, so that your mom can't hear you, and put your controller down. This, you decide, is the last time you dare play Dungeonz: Reign Of The MultiBeast on the hardest difficulty. Sighing, you take a sip from your soda and prepare to play on an easier difficulty.
You start the first mission again, and are tearing through the first few enemies when you hear the doorbell ring. Anticipating it to be one of your friends, you spring up and go to answer it. Sure enough, Damion is standing there, covered in dirt and holding a sharp rock.
"Come on," he says quickly. He's huffing, you guess he ran up to your house as quick as he could. "You won't believe what me and the guys found." You get excited at the thought. You and your friends dominate the woods surrounding your small neighborhood. There's no telling what they found out there.
You open the garage and hop on your bike. Damion is already running down the driveway. "Hey, no fair," you yell. "You got a head start." Remembering your mom, you quickly pop back inside. "Mom, I'm going out to play," you say, and wait for her response. You hear a muffled 'okay' from somewhere in the house, and that's good enough for you.
You race down the driveway, and around the corner of the intersection, headed straight for the woods. You know the neighborhood like the back of your hand. It's small, only a hundred houses. There's a four-way intersection in the middle of it. One way leads to the neighborhood's entrance, two others lead to the cul-de-sacs of the neighborhood, but the last (and most important) one leads to the uncharted wilderness.
You catch up to Damion as he's entering the hiking trail. "Come on," he gasps, short of breath. "It's just off to the side here." You follow him off into the trees, leaving your back on the side of the trail. He takes you past the cluster of berry bushes, over the little stream, and over to where your other three friends are standing.
You are excited to find that a five foot cottonmouth is laying in the middle of the circle, pinned down by Sammy with a forked stick.
"Wow," you gasp. "Where did you find this guy?" Sammy chuckles to himself. "You know that drop off, the one where there's that big stone wall, the one we kept trying to climb last summer? He was there. Chased him all the way up here." Gabe nods. "It's true."
As the five of you marvel at the sight of such a magnificent creature, Wayne speaks up. "Isn't that stone wall where our parents kept telling us not to go?" Sammy laughs. "They just think we're stupid. We know not to go doing backflips off the cliff, we just hang around there."
"My mom says one time they herd wolves," says Gabe. "Wolves?" you laugh. "Now, that's ridiculous. My dad says there's no wolves or bears or snakes or anything out here."
"No snakes?" Sammy says. "Oh, right," you admit. "But, still, if there were wolves, we would have seen them by now, right? We own this forest." The others nod in silent agreement. "We should probably let this poor thing go," says Sammy.
The others step back as Sammy prepares to release the snake. He's always been the bravest of the group. You watch with baited breath as Sammy lifts the stick. The snake shoots off into the leaves.
"Okay," says Gabe, "I gotta go home. For real this time." You wave goodbye, and watch him walk back to the trail.
"So," Sammy says once Gabe is gone, "Who's up for some wolf-hunting?"
I'm fishing for criticism, so give me your worst. Also I know the 'plot' is kind of overdone, but I think I can do a new take on it. Again, the story is in its infancy, so if you have plot or story suggestion for anything, please share.