Hi. It's good that you are eager to improve your English. Below, I have corrected some of the mistakes in your post (or at least improved the English.) They may still sound 'clumsy' in English, but at least (I hope) are more grammatically correct.
If you want any more help with English, as someone else suggested, you could post a paragraph in the writing workshop forum, and I'm sure someone will help you.
I am unpublished my story --> I have unpublished my story
--- Usually the "to have" verb comes before a second verb in the past tense, not the "to be" verb. It is also OK to drop the verb altogether, e.g. "I unpublished my story."
Before I unpublished my story, I saw your feedbacks --> Before I unpublished my story, I saw your feedback.
--- "Feedback" is a noun that stays the same in plural form.
For example: All of the feedbacks I got were bad --> All of the feedback I got was bad
I knew that some people will write in their feedback only bad things about my stories --> I knew that some people would write in their feedback only bad things about my stories.
--- When using "will", "shall", or "can" in the way you are above (modal verb), use "would", "should", or "could" instead.
I was a bit disappointed after reading this feedbacks that not include even one thing that I worked "hard" on --> I was a bit disappointed after reading the feedback, because it did not include even one thing that I worked "hard" on
--- I understand what you are trying to say but it doesn't really make sense. I think you should try splitting it into two smaller sentences or separate clauses, as the grammar will be easier to handle that way.
But a few of you, especially DiniTheWizard and mizal, helped me to know this site better and gave me tips and hope to continue and don't give up! --> But a few of you, especially DiniTheWizard and mizal, helped me to know this site better and gave me tips. They also gave me hope to continue and not give up!
--- Try not to use "and" more than once in a sentence. Break the sentence up if you need to.
I would like to say thanks for who was writed more tips, good things and more on the feedback or on the forum --> I would like to say thanks to those who wrote tips, good things and more in the feedback or in the forum.
--- This is important - "to write" is an irregular verb. Use "wrote" in the past tense, not "was writed". ("Have written" is also OK.)
I am having now so many thoughts of what to do next and maybe I wrote some mistakes on this post because I wrote faster to share my thought and to start to take my break --> I am having so many thoughts of what to do next and maybe I made some mistakes in this post because I wrote faster to share my thoughts and to start my break
--- "Mistakes" are always "made", never "wrote". Also "to start to take" would usually be shortened to "to start".
Thanks again, I will check less often this site --> Thanks again, I will check this site less often
--- Inverted word order in English.
Because my break always helped me to think what to do next --> Because my break always helps me to think what to do next
--- When talking about habits, it is common to use the present tense ("always helps me") rather than the past ("always helped me")
were edited their first story --> have edited their first story
--- again, use "to have" rather than "to be". I think in this case what you actually mean is "are editing their first story" - present tense ongoing action.
Even if it will be hard at the first time, you can do better next time as you learn your mistakes --> Even if it will be hard the first time, you can do better next time as you learn from your mistakes
Hope this helped, feel free to PM me or post in the writing workshop forum if you need more help.
