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I'll be stuck in the middle of Iowa for the next four years so I can get a degree that'll give me a better chance of not being homeless. Yay. 

Whats ze degree and when are good visiting hours for you?

Digit, if you ever come to visit me I'll tell campus police you're a pedophile.

major?

if it's not stem you're probably just gonna be homeless anyways

Accounting, thinking about changing though.

Degrees don't really guarantee jobs anymore and in fact can do the opposite and make you unemployable. But woo, Iowa! I mean who wouldn't want to live there. I bet you'll have a great time.

Also I hope you don't plan to get good grades or anything, like some kind of embarrassing racial stereotype.

How could having a degree possibly be a downside? 

Yeah, I wouldn't want to not waste all the money my parents spent. 

"I'm sorry but you're overqualified."

I'm majoring in accounting btw. Boring but safe. 

Accounting seems pretty practical, but why do accountants need to be taught about trigger words and safe spaces?

It's a mandatory online course that every student has to take. 

I thought she was joking. That’s pathetic.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if you could major in safe spaces today.

>only qualified to work for OSHA

According to Coins, he's learned that if a man and a woman are arguing, you're suppose to interfere because the woman might feel threatened.

This kind of literal RL white knighting only approved for men I assume, because if you're a woman then you've involved yourself with an argument as well and rendered yourself helplessly imperiled.

SJW men meanwhile should prepare to receive lots of punches to the face in grocery stores and the like.

Coins did not elaborate on whether an apology will suffice or whether suicide is necessary to achieve forgiveness for your grave social blunder in the event either of the arguing couple are transgender.

Now, I’m picturing a couple arguing over which brand of peanut butter to buy and being accosted by some random fool.

The answer is Jif. Unless you want all natural peanut butter. Then the answer is Smuckers.

Arguing? I'm pretty sure that on today's college campuses, you're not allowed to talk to anyone, ever because social justice. And mizal, you'd already be expelled for assuming the gender of both of those people arguing. And for assuming the one that you may have mis-gendered felt threatened. And for threatening violence against a whole protected class of humans (and those who might be SJWs who might not identify as humans).

CYS now has 2 accounting majors

Congrats! Always study the old exams (if you can manage to get your hands on them). ;-)