This is a human story about completely regular, average, everyday people in American History. If Mizal says this story is about furries or any of that nonsense, then clearly she's racist because there are only humans in this story, and all of them are minorities struggling with the harsh realities of being in a terrible low-budget action film.
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By the year 1987, Liu Dang was known by a great many names: Killer of San Fran Shoudou, the Lord of Backalleys, and the Undefeatable Iron Fist. But more commonly, he was known by another name- Named after the drug he peddled on the streets of Chinazona. The Blazing White Dragon. This was a figurative name, of course, but Liu was no less intimidating in the flesh. He had made his millions leeching off the addictions of the less fortunate, and with any luck, he would make millions more, but for now, he would relax at the new Disco in town.
He entered the Disco unnassumingly as one could when you crash the enormous angular head of your Ford Stingray through the doors- His white cloak flowed in the air conditioned wind as he strut like a rooster up to the VIP lounge. His retinue of bodyguards couldn't follow him through, they clearly weren't on the list, so he detached the girls from his arms like sturgeonfish, left his bodyguards waiting for him like a murder of crows, and made his way up the stairs. He'd be able to gather a new flock upstairs.
It was a real zoo tonight, but that was exactly how Liu liked his parties. Not a thing was left unstirred, not even the martinis. He spied a fine vixen at the other end of the bar- An older bird, that's for sure, but no less a woman of refinement. A cougar, who, from the looks of all the glasses around her, could drink like a fish. Something shiny and steel flashed at him from within her coat, but he figured it was just her VIP lanyard, since she was upstairs with him.
"Hey, foxy lady," Liu raised an eyebrow at the woman, "Why don't you come home with me and we can fuck like rabbits?"
"Oh clam up, Liu! " The woman slurred, "You didn't call me after the first time, you conniving snake!"
"Ah, I see. Drunk as a skunk, but fierce as a tiger?"
"Go to hell, pig!"
"Is this jive turkey botherin' you, hon?" Said a purple-cloaked fellow of melanistic giftedness who is totally not offensive because everyone in the 70s sounded like this and you can't tell me they didn't, "Remember I told you to lemme know if anybody picked on ya. It just wouldn't be decent if I let some drugstore cowboy run around in my Boogie Palace unchecked, ya dig?."
"Give it a rest, peacock. I was just giving this lady a compliment!" Said Liu.
"I'm not sure you know who you're messin' with, dog!" Said the flambuoyantly dressed man in the insult way, not the slang way, "I'm Titus 'Crocodile' Hammerstone, the baddest cat this side of Starling City!"
Liu merely smiled and raised his hands in a classical kung fu stance, "You think you can prod the hornet's nest!? I'm a master of the Deadly Arts! Dragon Style!"
"You think I'm not a master of the Deadly Arts either!?" Grinned Titus, "I know all 8 of the animal styles!"
"What kind of Blaxploitation stereotype are you!?"
"What're you talking about? I'm Guatemalan, Hammerstone's my Porn Name."
Years of refining crack cocaine without safety equipment had really done a number on Liu's eyesight. He was almost as blind as a bat, but there was no way he was going to admit this, "Fine! Just fight me, you macrocephalic LOON!"
Liu didn't know what a loon was, but he parrotted the phrase because he thought it sounded offensive.
"SUCK AN EGG, HOSER!" Yelled Titus, bullheadedly.
Engaging in deadly horseplay, Titus swung brilliantly with his right, but even with the striking speed of a mantis, he couldn't quite get past a blind dragon- Feeling the air in front of his face, Liu knew when to grab for Titus's wrist and engage in an arm-breaking grapple!... But he didn't know where, precisely, the wrist was, and ended up slapping Titus in the face. And now that Liu knew where his face apparently was, he could hit him again! Titus tried to avoid this with his tried and true Crane manuever, but this wasn't Titu's first time at the Blind Clown Rodeo. He'd been practicing blindfolded ever since he was knee-high to a grasshopper, which is how he knew to use Titus' momentum against him and pile drive him through the dance floor... Like... Like a mole, through, uh, dirt.
Brilliantly the martial artists fought, but Titus took the lion's share of the punishment. It looked like even though Liu was clearly the bugbear here, Titus wouldn't be coming out on top! Still, Titus, stubborn mule that he was, continued to fight spiritedly!... Because, frankly, the Dragon may have been as slippery as an eel, with a turtling defense, but he was far from eagle-eyed-precision. All of his attacks, even the pile driver, landed about as flush as a pigeon in a hurricane.
The woman scoffed at the spectacle before her. These guys were a couple of hams, and Titus' macho act was the White Elephant to end them all. All the disco-goers seemed to haplessly ignore 800 pound gorilla in the room and kept dancing as these two went at it like rabid weasels in a garbage bag. These dinosaurs had such antiquated ways of fighting, and their reasoning wasn't great either! Exasperated, she shot Liu dead as a dodo with her snub-nosed Elephant Gun, and left the building at cheetah speeds after Liu's corpse soared like an eagle through the window of the Boogie Palace.
A golden frijole for the first to count every figurative animal.
