Not that I'm complaining about the comments I do have on it... I would very much appreciate having more comments, feedback, etc. So here I am, shamelessly advertising my story, but in doing so I hope you guys don't mind if I ask a few specific questions.
Does it seem too linear?
What about grammatical errors? Were there a lot of those, and was the sentence structure concise?
What about the story itself? Was it too cliche or predictable? Were there things I didn't explain very well, or was everything fairly easy to understand?
Were the characters flat, or did y'all perceive dynamic depth to them?
Lastly, should I continue this like my original plans specified, or should I call this story good and have my next story idea be something else? If I were to continue it, then the epilogue wouldn't be an epilogue anymore. Rather, it would continue past that stopping point and that branch in general could potentially have a couple solid epilogues. In total I'd estimate from 6-8 epilogues in total. If I continued it that is.
Such feedback would be greatly appreciated.
I'd like to be able to choose "no" at the beginning.
Speaking of the beginning, there's tons of grammar errors.
Hmm, tried giving a go at reading through the story to provide feedback, but boy is it tough. I did leave a comment which I hope you find useful.
For now I'll just say that when proofreading I encourage you to read it out loud, as this can help catch some hard to spot mistakes. This is a hassle to do when the pages are this long, but it will totally be worth the effort.
The story seemed linear to me, but the fact the end games were more than just simple 'you died xd' means it didn't detract from the story.
I'll see if I can find the time to go through it in more depth later, but I hope this helps for now.
TL;DR Looked pretty darn good to me, since the mistakes I did notice were only noticeable when I was really looking for them. With that said the first page sorta sucked, felt weirdly out of place. I highly encourage you to just write what you want to write. And finally, I'll try to get something more substantial out when I have more time. Reviewing a storygame thoroughly is harder than I anticipated.
EDIT P.S. I should mention I am pretty crap at spotting writing mistakes when not really focused on looking for them. Doesn't mean you shouldn't eradicate them all tho!
An idea I had was reviewing everyone else's storygames and making a thread guilting the others entrants into reviewing my own storygame. I'm lazy, so I haven't yet; however, you could if you wanted more.
This is absolutely brilliant. Thanks to others who commented on the story, but as for this review...simply astounding.
This is exactly the kind of stuff I was wanting tbh, not that I'm asking tor everyone to bash on me or my story, but taking it apart in such a way like this is really beneficial to me.
As for your last question, (I know it's sarcastic, but I'd like to answer it all the same) if you would like to continue reading then please do so. I would appreciate it, but at the same time...if it really is that painful to read, then feel free to abstain from actually finishing the story.
Thanks Ogre. Much appreciated.
I'm not sure how I (I'm glad that I found it) missed this, but I'm just now getting back to reading this and this time I do have a comment/question.
Regarding the major linearity/lack of branches in the story, if I were to continue this, then that problem would be largely solved. For example, the curse branch that was more or less the same as the first few pages of the blessing path, would be entirely different. It would feature an epilogue or two in of itself, and the blessing path would also be extended to nearly double the length.
Aside from this half of the story, originally, the first page featured a choice wherein the reader would be able to choose whether or not they would be a boy a girl. That choice would then make the reader either Erron, or Alessandra. Then Alessa would have her own cursed and blessed paths, so the story, theoretically, would be quadrupled in size to it's contest entry counter part.
With all of this said, do you still recommend i move on to another story?