After a few days of desperately searching my mind for any story I could think of related to winter, I found one. I also know how to write a ballad, and my main challange will be stressed and unstressed syllables
Just take deep breaths and you'll be fine. (In-and-out, In-and-out,Repet until you all unstressed out.
I actually started and after writing the first page I am impressed by how much having a meter can help. I dropped the iambic, but am still doing 6 syllables by 8 syllables. Here is my first page, any feedback is welcome
The dragon, all alone
Sitting atop its icy throne
A world reduced to frost
But as for hope, it's all but lost
Ten thousand men a month
Though through the years, its lost its umph
Men as docile as doves
Mold to their fate, just like a glove
Though some, more resilient
Never ceased their attack, brilliant!
But oh wait, there's a catch
They are outlawed from their rematch
To the beast, armies fall.
While their best may be towers tall
None of them can compare
To the ice, flying everywhere
Out of faith, their swindled
And their hope begins the dwindle
Though they must carry on
To prove they are more than a pawn
From this one boy will rise
With hardships, and pain in his eyes
This is but a splinter
Compared to eternal winter
Ah ballads. I love how flexible the meter in these tend to become, as is also evident by yours serpent. First stanza follows iambic meter, second kind of a dactyl, third Pyrrhic and spondee and so on and so forth. Now some might not like that each stanza sounds unique, but I for one like it. Intentionally or not, you've managed to use meter in order to increase the tempo of your story. Like, if you wanted to bring more action, you used a meter with more stressed syllables. If you wanted to create a mixed tempo, you used a meter with more unstressed syllables. Keep in mind when you're writing your next ballad to match the right meter with the right tempo. Nobody wants to read stressed meter when someone is sleeping, but you've more or less got the essential part of a ballad down; that is matching meter with context.
Now, even though the attempt at creating different metered stanzas was nice, a few lines in these stanzas don't properly follow the meter. Nothing major, but it very slightly sounds awkward. I noticed most of the ending lines of the stanzas go a bit haywire with respect to the stanza's meter. This is fine if you want to intentionally add more emphasis, in fact that is a good method; but I don't think that was your intention.
Your choice in figures of speech felt...unique. Stuff like "oh wait, there's a catch," and repeating the same meaning again in the next line, etc. I'm not saying its bad, every poet has their own signature style, so maybe these as your own unique style. Still, always try and add flair to your poem.
Coming to the context, I do get the feeling of epicness from this ballad, which I think was your aim so good job on that. If you would've refined the meter a bit more, and used more "epic" sounding figures of speech, that would've been better, but overall a really good attempt for a first-timer.
Also, ballads were originally meant to be poetry-song hybrids danced to at a ball, so if you want to be more contemporary and traditional try adding refrains and a song like rhythm, similar to what one does in villanelles. This modern method of ballads is fine too, though. I just have a personal preference of following the 'old ways' of poetry.
Update 3, I have 2 pages now
Week 2 Update 2
A day late, 5 pages of my estimated 15
You do have a point, and I hope to expand as much as I can. Though knowing my abilities keeping it grounded is the best course of action. Also since it is in ballad form everything goes way faster then it would in a story, so they are typically shorter
And I thought the deal was no stories were going to be allowed from this individual for several years...
Glad to see your hate boner for me hasn't faded with time.
Also mizal forced me to enter the contest so...
I wrote a storygame that you would be better off not seeing.
It's not a "hate boner" when a child does something horrific, and I have a negative reaction to it.
Week 3, Update 1
Haven’t done much this week. 7 pages. Will put out update 2 tomorrow
Week 3, update 2
Still 7 paged
Week 4 Updates 1 and 2
I didn't do anything this week. I will totally make up for it this week
Week 5 update 1
Some very minor editing. Am about to go into overdrive to finish. Have 1k words, but I'm not planning it to be that long so I should be good.
Week 5 update 2
10 pages, 1.4k words. While 400 words may not sound like a lot, I have to choose words carefully because rhyming, and 400 is enough to cover a lot, because time moves very fast. Got 3 out of a theoretical 9 paths done. Might have to cut a few
It is published
It is still shit
I got out of shame
This thread is closed