I'm here on CYS primarily as a reader and reviewer. I have an interest in seeing good stories posted, and bad ones going away, and the site being a place readers can browse to reliably find quality work. I tend to be fairly busy during the week, but if you want general impressions or advice on a story or writing excerpt, feel free to PM me. (If you're new, just fyi getting advice and feedback is one of the things the Writing Workshop on the forums is for as well.)
Otherwise, past experience has taught me that the reason you're looking at my profile right now might be because I hurt your fragile feefees with critical remarks.
If so, let me explain my approach to reviewing:
I said it just a moment ago, but I know words are hard, so I'll repeat: I'm here primarily as a reader and a reviewer. If I feel the thing I just read wasted my time, my review will reflect that.
A story, to be a story, needs an engaging plot, relatable characters and conflicts for them to overcome in a believable way. A rudimentary idea of pacing and structure and a creative idea or two thrown in the mix wouldn't hurt either! (Spelling, punctuation, grammar and proof reading are a given. Better to not publish at all if you can't even be bothered with that much.)
It's not any reader's job to pat you on the back for only failing to deliver in X or Y number of ways. When I see a story that's not a story, I rate it a one and move on. There are people happy to offer feedback, and you can write all you want for as long as you need, but once you hit that publish button you're throwing your work out into the wild and you'd better be sure it can stand on its own merits.
(Storygames with more focus on the 'game' part are rarer and have slightly different criteria, but they still need enough decent writing to hold them together, and above all need to be entertaining.)
Now, for all you kids just starting out, the Grammarly Handbook is a great resource, and above all I'd recommend you just read more books. Step away from comforting junk food like Warrior Cats a little while and challenge yourself by branching out to other genres, older books, and books above your age level. Whether you like them or don't like them, see if you can look at the author's choices from a meta level and identify why.
Dark City (collaborative content)
on 1/19/2017 10:05:14 PM
Just at the place where Park Square meets Saugath's Way, pedestrians pause in their routes, ostensibly to take in the sights of the stagnant water pooled up in the broken fountain or the vandalized statuary, while avoiding the vacant, accusing stares of boarded up shop windows.
Money will furtively change hands here, and no one pays any mind to the blind old beggar, wrapped up in so many rags and bandages only the briefest hint of flesh can ever be seen. He's there every day, seemingly just as silent and barely more aware than the statues themselves.
Awakening (Continuing Story)
on 1/19/2017 9:48:07 PM
I saw Zag and T-Count's stories had already kind of ground to a halt (because they are shamefully lazy) so thought I might as well attempt one. I'm not promising more than one update a day, especially during the week, but I'll try for more than that, basically whenever I need a quick break from my other project.
You blink once, twice, as you snap out of a deep, dreamless sleep. The monotonous hum of machinery suffuses your senses.
Simply going back to sleep is tempting, but there's a shrill, annoying beeping coming from somewhere close by, interspersed by a semi-rhythmic thumping sound from somewhere further away. Directly overhead, a white light flickers. It's painfully bright to look up at, but small enough that most of the rest of the room is in shadow.
You seem to be lying on a metal slab, and as you sit up you instinctively brush something away from yourself, realizing after a moment that it's some kind of plastic tubing, hooked up to various machines around the bed.
Currently you're clothed in a kind of form fitting jumpsuit made of a lightweight, pale blue material. There aren't a lot of other details you can make out from here. And...cliche as it may be, you can't remember anything about who you are or why you're here. There is, however, no panic in the realization. In fact, you mostly just feel very calm and well rested. You suppose you'll figure things out in time.
1.) Examine the plastic tubing and machinery.
2.) Locate the source of the beeping.
3.) Investigate the thumping sound.
4.) Examine yourself more closely.
A REAL Motivation thread
on 1/19/2017 8:38:33 PM
For one of the smaller projects I had in mind, I kind of wanted to write an unironic wolf pup story. Over the course of my career on this site, my extensive research into these stories and observation of the disease infested smears of fecal matter who write and enjoy them have given me great insight into exactly what it is that's desired of this genre, by those too stupid, lazy, and untalented to produce it for themselves.
Like I literally think I could write something over a single weekend that contains all the necessary plot elements, that over time would get a lot more 8 ratings than other stories that are actually good.
But I also feel it would be objectively an evil act to even attempt this.
How to be a Death Camp Nazi Crack Whore Salesman.
on 1/19/2017 8:20:04 PM
Not nearly cancerous and unfunny enough to be an acceptable parody of the other thread. Sorry Sent, I know it's unfair, but Matthias will always have those three minutes of being strangled with the umbilical cord at birth keeping him one step ahead of you there. There's just no way to compete.
The Future Plan for My CYOA Jan - March
on 1/19/2017 6:10:01 PM
I've taken the liberty of breaking up the original text wall, for readability. (Formatting the things you're trying to say with an eye for clarity and accessibility is one of those things you're going to need to pay attention to when writing for an audience.)
This is not a specific date, as if it was, I'll never be able to keep up with these CYOA.
To start out, I'm working on the Blue Blur. I do hope to finish Jan, but if not so, then probably in the next month.
After that is finished, I'll release Flip throughout Pages, a comical-like STORY that doesn't have that much CYOA parts in it that is about an unknown author gets ahold of a original copy of "The Adventures of KitKat" (Which will be its own story in the future, but it won't be until a while) and unmasks the book's power of the illegal copyright ability, that is easily surpassed because of the outdated technology used in books, and decides to rewrite as his own.
Now KitKat, a cat who has no business saving the book world or knows that she actually is saving her world, has TO SAVE HER WORLD. She is not a nice cat though, but tries to become a good cat in the process of looking for her fish. Scribbles knows more behind it than KitKat, and pairs up with her to save this book!
The final book planned to be released soon is a Halloween story. Doodler is not going genocide when making this book, because this is more like a " Modern-Fantasy based from the Halloween theme. I hope this will be strong using CYOA mechanic.
The plot is simple - You wake up to realize that you were laying next to your biggest fear, Halloween, and that your unaware of someone looking for you. There is a reason why I'm doing this book, and that's because I already written it - on paper. So having another book and adding CYOA DNA into it will make this a good book. Plus, anything is possible when there's a such thing as Christmas in July. (That was not suppose to sound rude or anything like that)
The last thing is, after I finish the Blue Blur, I'll start doing a mini-story series promoting this Halloween book, called Balloonnee the Balloon's Guide on for World Domination. New episode every week! More info on my profile! ( Is this all good?)
Now I'm going to be blunt here and say what no one else has been willing to: Between this and the Sonic story you posted the other day, as it stands, you're probably incapable of writing something that will meet minimum site standards.
That doesn't mean that you shouldn't write. You should write as much as you can, and read as much as you can, and continue to practice and improve. It's just that actually publishing a story on the site before you get a better grasp of grammar and other elements of writing would be really inadvisable. Work on communicating clearly in other ways first, perhaps. Forum posts or short stories blurbs for the Creative Corner, and writing things for school. (You can always ask a teacher for advice just fyi.)
Obviously you're young (You sent me a PM saying you were young...and then an hour later sent me another one demanding acknowledgment of the first, so uh, I believe you...) and everyone starts somewhere. You're probably talented for your age and in a couple of years will be past your Sonic fanfic and wacky cat phase and be able to use all the things you've learned to write a story that will be much better accepted here.
Top Rated Storygames has disappeared
on 1/19/2017 3:19:51 PM
Huh. That's really strange. It wasn't doing that last night after the update, or even this morning. I wonder what actually triggered it.
Children continue to be a mistake.
on 1/19/2017 11:41:42 AM
Criticisms so far:
1.) the grammar in the title is very bad.
2.) Wouldn't it have been clearer to just say something like 'Any interest in a multi-author story?'
3.) Whatever 'game about the internet' idea you're all gibbering about is also bad.
4.) None of you have the organizational skills and/or talent to pull this off in a way that doesn't suck. Even writing a story with a single co-author is a challenge, judging by the spectacular disappointment that was the October comp, and most previous attempts.
5.) The way co-authoring works on the site is weird and bad. I doubt I'll ever put effort into a multi-author story again.
6.) I hate you all. Like, on a personal level.
[SITE] Fix HTML Entity Processing on Profiles
on 1/19/2017 10:51:29 AM
I"m guessing the previous reasons for Seth and others shrugging it off were motivated by something like 'We can't do anything to fix this...therefore, not a bug?'
Those nonsense characters in storygame descs have always bugged the crap out of me, here's hoping this glorious new age we're in means 3J can finally tackle them.
A REAL Motivation thread
on 1/19/2017 9:55:35 AM
Yeah uh I made that 5/8 claim before the changes to rating went through. It seems most people's stories have been adjusted downwards, which is good for the site but mildly terrifying in regards to my fantastical promises here. Even Will has a 4.90 story now. But I'll stick to my original challenge, not going to waffle over percentage points.
on 1/19/2017 9:37:50 AM
You might want to turn sneak peek off if you don't want people snooping around in your story. :P