Player Comments on Achilles

I thought it was good. I actually skipped the first few pages, but eventually got more into it. I got an ending that involved peace with the Alliance and unifying the Galaxy. I'd like to think it's one of the better endings, haha.

Issues I had:
- I think you should have used items for the info dump on the first page. I'm sure some of it could have come in handy later, but right away it was too intimidating to bother reading.
- There were several times I had two choices that were worded the exact same way, but had different results.
- I never really was able to quantify what my strength actually meant. I know it refers to combat strength, but we never learn what our opponent's is, so there's not much value in knowing the number.
- The game was long, which is nice, but it seemed to be pretty linear is regards to where it went.
- I was fine with the "Problem -> Solution -> Repeat", method of playing the game for the most part, but when the war happened I would have preferred to be a little more proactive. I was never given the chance to do assassinations or spy, or learn what was happening from behind us. Despite us losing many resources, we just kind of ignored it.

All in all I enjoyed it. It has flaws, but it accomplishes what it sets out to do, so it's a solid 6/8.
-- Killa_Robot on 5/20/2015 4:14:26 PM with a score of 50
Okay, first off: this storygame is such a welcome relief from the huge pile of short, uninteresting games that have come out lately. It's well-written, the scripts and variables all work (as far as I could tell) and it all makes sense as one coherent package, including multiple chapters released together, instead of multiple truncated attempts at a game (which has become far too common).
Glowing compliments aside, the one aspect you could definitely improve on for next time is the transitions. the first chapter especially seemed like each page was totally disconnected from the next. A problem was posed, I picked a solution, the results were displayed, and suddenly a totally new problem was happening. Give me a story or something to drive me through the 1st chapter; by the time the 2nd and 3rd chapters came around, the game moved forward with a clear sense of overall purpose and direction. (although it was a little slow at times). The statistics drove a decent portion of the game, but it's the characters that make it come alive--and we don't deal too much with the characters in the first chapter. Once I stated getting a feel for who everyone was, though, everything started flowing much more nicely.
As a final compliment, your knowledge of Greek mythology is awesome. I loved all the references during the military upgrades selection (what were those Valkyries doing there, anyway?) the mythology added a little flavor to the game, and I appreciated it for that.

All in all, a great storygame, and I'm definitely looking forward to #2!
-- MagmaArmor0 on 5/18/2015 10:43:49 PM with a score of 45
a few of the choices did not work when i clicked on them
-- wefjhfbjhqwf on 5/3/2018 2:39:21 PM with a score of 50
Amazing storygame, all in all. You rarely get a storygame where your choices have so much meaning. Highly recommend to everyone, old or new to the site.
-- Covonuts on 4/21/2018 9:12:10 PM with a score of 50
It's so good. A must have for sci-fi fanatics out there.
-- R. Hubo on 3/12/2018 10:06:54 AM with a score of -5
I love this. Long but really worth the time.
-- RamDanny on 3/2/2018 4:56:14 AM with a score of 0
Pretty good ending, i hope to play a sequel of this.
-- Nazhfa on 1/10/2018 6:12:34 PM with a score of 50
it was a very good story
-- confirmed12 on 12/11/2017 12:19:40 PM with a score of 0
I crushed most of the alliance! It was an excellent game with a involving storyline
-- Jacques on 11/29/2017 7:53:59 AM with a score of 50
It's obvious that a huge amount of work went into the story. It's refreshing to have one like that now and again, with minimal action.
One little niggle I had is that often I was forced to make life-and-death decisions without much information at all - like what was the actual evidence that Cabana was a spy? But that would have taken a lot of extra pages to give us that.
-- JohnX on 11/27/2017 4:01:38 PM with a score of 0
The story was good but the ending was crap so it is not about the ending but the journey.
-- TGB on 11/2/2017 10:37:43 AM with a score of 0
i really enjoyed this adventure and the ability to serve as different styles of leaders. hope you enjoy your day
-- SomeGuy2k01 on 10/16/2017 7:43:53 PM with a score of 50
If you choose to meet the Garavan, there's no way to continue on Romulus. It happens on the third page when Achilles is in Romulus. There isn't even a notice saying that you can't continue.
-- EndDragon on 10/16/2017 1:55:07 PM with a score of 0
Just got the unity ending
-- nm13757 on 9/30/2017 8:46:26 PM with a score of 0
I liked it. Although, there are a few errors. It's a great read.
-- nm13757 on 9/30/2017 7:29:52 PM with a score of 50
this is the best choose your story ever I have played it at least 20 times and got all the endings. I have done the same with Achilles II. The only thing I would say to you is make an achilles III.
-- wil on 8/29/2017 9:54:44 AM with a score of 50
pretty good the character were fun although i feel more difficult moral choices to win the not war would have made it better
-- Insufferable_Bastard on 8/27/2017 2:46:45 AM with a score of 0
Nice work, this was really well thought out. Looking forward to playing the next one.
-- tazius on 7/20/2017 7:15:44 PM with a score of 50
awe-freaking-some, if a bit simplistic.
-- Nierra on 7/10/2017 6:49:13 AM with a score of 50
Decent story. The only bug I've found is that you gain more relationship with the Garavan for dismissing Ra'Karr than for killing him even though the text says that I gain a great deal of relationship with the Garavan for killing him. The punishment for committing so-called "war crimes" is somewhat off-putting, but I guess it's realistic enough.
-- Victim on 7/7/2017 1:43:24 PM with a score of 0
Awesome! Awesome! Story was great. Setting was vivid. Decisions were good. I'd highly recommend.
-- notkristen on 6/10/2017 11:00:07 PM with a score of 0
This storygame is simply great. It really tests your personality. I loved it!!!
-- Ram Danny on 4/29/2017 12:37:55 PM with a score of 0
Interesting characters and story, however it lags a little in the middle of the storyline in terms of making choices.
-- Travis on 4/18/2017 1:24:58 AM with a score of -5
A fun space adventure with hints of action, strategy, and political intrigue. Reminiscent of Babylon 5 mixed with other genre tropes in many regards. There were a handful of novel ideas and uncommon implementations, nothing too original but not lacking for it. There are some interesting choices to be made and I really enjoyed this. The humor is hit or miss, and certain jokes may come off as being too satirical or self aware in a work which otherwise plays it straight. This is an observation, not a critique as while it removes polish and wouldn't fit a commercial work; as a fan work the nod fits so long as it suits the author. Critiques I do have: There are several bugged links. One I forget which gives you the same choice as both of your only two options. Another is at the dinner scene, after completing all conversations and having sat down at the table, when you get up you are returned to the description of the scene as though the dinner hadn't happened, but only have the option to leave (as all other options are completed.) To fix this either a variable could be attached to the dinner option, so that upon completion you are taken to a page with new description but the other options still there; or simpler taking the dinner option could end the scene wether you'd spoken to the guests or not. The dialog was overall "fan fiction caliber," not artful but passable. There are some areas that need attention though. Going back to the dinner scene, after sitting down the scene concludes: "you finish eating and get up to get something to eat." That doesn't make much sense and is a tad repetitive. Similarly, the half parasite says: "...asked for help in their civil war.." then immediately continues addressing the council: "... as you know they are in civil war." Later he says: "military support is what these people need.." then continues: "general, these people need military support." These are back to back reporitions. There are more, and in one case not as dialog, but the same statement erroneously repeated in the text as a fragment and obvious proof error. it may be intentional, an effect of the translator, or an attempt to break convention, but it's still a little hard to deal with the millinia old hive mind which often speaks as though he's your coworker at Arby's. There's also a complete inconsistency in formality of speech between characters of certain relationships, and during the military inspection and other times it feels like you're having a conversation with a dungeons and dragons party and not with subordinates in a military organization. Despite less than artisanal dialog, some technical glitches, internal inconsistencies, not picky details of the in universe rules and consistency, and the above mentioned need for polish in a few places: this was a well paced and enjoyable game. The author is on the right track to greatness in their writing. This expressed creativity, budding skill, and passion. I loved the length and the quantity and quality of choices. Without the cyoa element I would not have given 6/8. I feel they get a 7/8 on the elements that make a cyoa. While the writing and story are still important, there were no unforgivable sins here, just room to improve. If you like longer adventures don't pass this up. You won't likely walk away with your mind blown, but I'd be surprised if you didn't have a good time.
-- kyo787 on 4/12/2017 12:40:47 PM with a score of 0
Great read...again, although your sequel was slightly dissapointing this one was great.
-- Riley on 4/7/2017 10:16:46 PM with a score of 50
Hi! Probably many before me have mentioned some parts (i.e. military overview) to be somewhat too lengthy. The twists were nice, you could implement more with greater consequences. The counter did well although it's severity/importance never really was fleshed out. You could frame it organically in a 'tactical discussion' with some characters from the story within the first couple pages. Nice job by the way! Keep up the good work!
-- bombaldi on 4/7/2017 1:20:40 PM with a score of 0
Very impressive. Cant wait to read number 2.
-- ic456 on 3/15/2017 1:34:51 AM with a score of 0
This was quite good. I loved being able to be a peacemaker.
-- EndDragon on 3/12/2017 4:10:31 PM with a score of 0
I love this game!!!!!! I played this when I first joined and it was awesome and playing it again was even moreso.
-- wil on 2/28/2017 2:36:25 PM with a score of 50
Good story
-- GundamMeister on 2/23/2017 7:30:18 AM with a score of 0
It is a great story although very rushed. The dialogs are not the best around and it has excessively many unnecessary descriptions at times, which makes some parts boring as hell. That said I am looking to part 2.
-- John Cury on 2/18/2017 10:09:23 AM with a score of 50
One of the best stories I have ever read (and participated in) and on a par with the one and only James Patterson.
-- Jacob on 2/6/2017 1:06:12 PM with a score of 0
Not sure if there's a happy ending
-- Felix on 2/4/2017 9:28:21 PM with a score of 0
it was 5/7 nice
-- bob on 1/30/2017 3:20:50 AM with a score of 0
I absolutely loved it. The interaction between military and politics was perfect. I love the idealism mixed with the grey choices.

Perhaps my only complaint is some of the mistaken military concepts. Many of the military vehicles weren't properly ranked in my opinion. And the usage of massive undertrained troops was also overestimated.
-- apsoy on 1/29/2017 3:43:15 PM with a score of 0
Nice ending!
-- Keebo885 on 1/26/2017 1:55:17 PM with a score of 50
-- Anonymous on 1/12/2017 7:28:49 AM with a score of 0
How you gonna end it like that!
-- Dreldoryn on 1/8/2017 5:00:50 PM with a score of 50
This was an incredible play! The alien species were incredibly detailed and varied, the technology fascinating, and the decisions complex enough that I enjoyed even the most mundane choices. I'll definitely be playing the sequel!
-- pickapebble on 1/6/2017 11:23:46 PM with a score of 0
I really DO hope for a part 2,because I hate cliffhangers!
-- hristoskof on 1/4/2017 8:44:59 PM with a score of 50
First online, browser roleplay I've ever completed and enjoyed. Only problem is there re many grammatical errors that made following the story difficult, esp. toward the end. Thank you for the fun!
-- Quorrah on 12/14/2016 7:45:13 PM with a score of 50
I enjoyed this. I find it very well thought out, and even what seemed the better options still had consequences. Very good. I strongly recommend it.
-- Dorksmith1992 on 12/9/2016 9:25:31 PM with a score of 50
This was a great story. I tried to behave like a Starfleet captain. Always looking for peace and unity. I was upset that I was not able to prevent the war and so many people died however I was glad with the end result.
-- uan on 12/8/2016 2:06:37 PM with a score of 0
A truly enthralling story that provides a great amount of though provoking content that leaves you debating between siding with ones own race or supporting the coalition. Tryly 8/8
-- Lowlang on 12/4/2016 2:24:18 AM with a score of 0
I hated it. It was too hard. That's why I chose 88 bad
-- Jacob Stratton on 11/27/2016 11:14:31 AM with a score of 0
This was absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for making it, I really enjoyed the experience.
-- Lenius Ontar on 11/26/2016 11:02:30 PM with a score of 0
angery reacts only
-- xD on 11/23/2016 10:50:51 PM with a score of 0
Out of this world and exceeded all my expectations! Im like whoever wrote this either channels intergalactic beings or has had contact with them cause its very close to reality as i preceive it to be. Can't wait to read part 2
-- matsages on 11/23/2016 3:25:25 AM with a score of 0
Wow. An amazing game
-- travis on 11/22/2016 7:07:33 PM with a score of 50
Fantastic Play-through, loved the commander position choices, glad there was the option to be kind instead of ruthless.
-- JustPassingBy on 11/22/2016 7:06:08 PM with a score of 50
This is very intriguing, I believe it needs a little more development, other than that it is a great story
-- James on 11/20/2016 11:46:34 PM with a score of 50
Fantastic game with many choices.
-- Cell100 on 11/19/2016 11:04:00 AM with a score of 0
I noticed a few errors in grammar and spelling and once I found a dead end with no links but other than that, it was a pretty good story and game.
-- Chaelruz on 11/18/2016 10:53:10 PM with a score of 0
Great story. Achieved peace with Alliance and Coalition to form New Coalition.
-- Voltage on 11/12/2016 7:44:21 PM with a score of 50
This is one of the best games ever I love it. It is perfect for rainy days and school.
-- wil on 11/11/2016 11:52:38 AM with a score of 50
i really enjoyed this story well done is there a part 2 aswell love to continue the story
-- Tyson on 11/5/2016 10:41:39 PM with a score of 50
A very good story where you can see that your choices have an impact. The only downside are the spelling errors and the a few name mistakes.
-- wisdom on 10/20/2016 8:14:15 PM with a score of 50
Really cool. There were some grammatical errors here and there and the format was somewhat inconstant. Overall I really liked it
-- Twiddly_Twit on 10/20/2016 1:17:47 AM with a score of 50
This was awesome, took me two days to finish this, hope to read more from you
-- Dimas15 on 10/10/2016 2:18:56 AM with a score of 50
There were dead-ends and mistakes, but relatively good overall.
-- Silverlight on 10/5/2016 6:33:34 PM with a score of 0
A pretty good read. The cliffhanger though. I'm looking forward for a sequel.
-- LSMorningstar on 9/23/2016 2:23:38 AM with a score of 50
cant wait for the next one
-- priryan123 on 9/18/2016 1:03:55 AM with a score of 50
Gr-eight. Pun intended.
-- Avalon on 9/14/2016 10:08:01 PM with a score of 50
Thanks for that cool story. Took some time to get into it though. I think characterisation could be better. But after a bit, you get used to it, and it's really fun. Thanks!
-- CamilleBC on 9/6/2016 12:11:35 PM with a score of 50
Brilliantly paced. Though, it reminds me a lot of Mass Effect...
-- Chloris on 8/22/2016 4:53:57 AM with a score of 50
thanx bro
-- Nasus on 8/18/2016 9:18:28 AM with a score of 0
good theme
-- emsdstory on 8/10/2016 10:37:08 PM with a score of 0
It is a well written story and easily understandable, although it is hard to find a way to prevent the bad ending, *SPOILERS, which is the ending when the Ancients invade.
-- Mikedacube on 8/6/2016 9:40:48 PM with a score of 0
After uniting with the lizards, the game reaches a dead-end.
-- dude on 8/4/2016 2:13:54 PM with a score of 0
I brought peace between the Alliance and the Coalition. I hope part two is going to take on the next threat.
-- BigRonn77 on 7/27/2016 11:27:16 AM with a score of 0
This game was super well done in a lot of aspects, relatively, in comparision to other storygames. The other comments have already mention most of the major cons and pros, so I'll mention some of my own thoughts that may or may not be relevant to the "average" reader.

First off, you can really work on your writing, and I'm not talking about grammar or spelling. Outside of the codex entries, this story has a serious lack of descriptive content, be it visual, audible or otherwise. The texts all felt rushed because there wasn't enough descriptive passages to space them out. Off the top of my head, you could have described the alien races, the planets, the systems, the ships ect., in vastly greater detail. That would have helped the reader better visualize the different races, worlds, ect. and therefore invest themselves deeper emotionally. As it is, this storygame feels like a dull and repetitive collection of facts, events, names and conversations.

Secondly, whenever a decision had to be made, I was frequently disappointed by the options presented to me, and even more so by results. I think the issue is that you're constantly biting off more than you can chew. I love the fact that you're trying to include such a wide array of things into the game, from racial inclusion, war crimes to all the fancy whatnot terms. It's just not working though. There are just a lot of subjects that you're clearly not too experienced in, making the parts where they appear just god awful. Which takes me to my third and final (major) point, which includes some slight spoilers, probably.

The way I see and play it, this game is about a military commander's moral struggles as his career unfortunately concides with a full-fledged war between two galactical superpowers. I love a lot of things military. I've done a lot of online research on these subjects, mostly on medieval warfare and other general, universal rules of warfare, which probably doesn't qualify me as an expert on the subject, but I can still tell you that a lot of things this game tell you about the military are just wrong, misconceptions spread about by popular culture that most people accept as facts. One part that bothered me a lot was the


Hades project. It is so heartbreaking to see a every single vehicle described by its firepower, mostly ignoring other statistics, utilities and values, such as production cost and length, strategic/tactical worth, just to name a few. And no, an unarmed medic unit is not a (smart) thing.


And to top it all off, the choice of weapons was very unimaginative.

Overall though, this was still an excellent story game. It is far from acceptable on "book" standards, but the amount of effort put into other things unique to a game story, though not quite outweighing its very serious flaws, does make the gory stame experience very enjoyable. I gave this a solid 7/8.
-- crazy military enthusiast dude on 7/24/2016 3:41:36 PM with a score of 50
An excellent game, combining strategy with RPG elements and of course good writing. It doesn't get a perfect score for two reasons:
1) Spelling and grammar errors are constant enough to get in the way of fluid reading and enjoyment.
2) That massive overload of information at the beginning really should be available later, maybe via an inventory item?
-- falco1029 on 7/24/2016 3:41:41 AM with a score of 50
Compelling story, one I would like to revisit. Feels from time to time that being mindful of certain political viewpoints is perhaps too advantageous, but oh well.

The most frustrating thing was once being forced to make what I felt was the wrong choice, and later having no option at all. In the situation where the reader must decide whether or not to enact human enforcement of the Coalition, only the choice to enact that enforcement is available. At another point in the story, while the general is on a surprise inspection of a base and has just been shown the heavy vehicles, there is no option of any kind listed, forcing the reader to go back and make a different choice.

Otherwise, excellent work!
-- Gonzo Strangelove on 6/30/2016 8:36:58 AM with a score of 0

This game is amazing. I loved it because it reminded me of Mass effect and how you had to get all of these different species to work together to fight a threat. I loved near the end when you were checking your troops and who and what they were. The only problem I had was the few spelling errors, but that really doesn't matter if the story is awesome! 10/10 play it!
-- Darkshadow on 6/29/2016 7:52:36 PM with a score of 50
-- Random on 6/10/2016 2:49:53 PM with a score of 0
Good game. Though lots of spelling mistakes and some some levels of ambiguity. But overall a good game.
-- harrypotter on 6/8/2016 6:05:56 PM with a score of 0
This was amazing I love the focus on not only miltary protical and morality but also the political aspect you threw into the mix it was extrmely enjoyable I played through this 3 times before even commebnting it was that mesmmerizing I hope there is a sequel in the works good job
-- bfkinf on 6/6/2016 4:39:46 AM with a score of 50
-- Big320 on 5/30/2016 1:46:17 PM with a score of 0
Great to play through. With a nice twist and room for a squeal.

I should say though that quite a few words were used incorrectly, as well as spelling mistakes that caused me to re read sections and assume the correct word.

Overall a brilliant and well thought out story I playing through twice to see how my decisions would effect the outcome. Second run through ended much sooner than the first.

Now onto the squeal :)
-- JDJ on 5/28/2016 8:56:41 AM with a score of 0
wow. just absolutely amazing
-- N on 5/6/2016 11:46:54 PM with a score of 50
-- Bob on 5/5/2016 1:36:52 PM with a score of -5
had a good LOL thanx

- gran
-- quizzle on 5/1/2016 12:02:03 PM with a score of 0
Great job, the way you handled the plot was second to none. I felt like I had a Mass Effect 3 vibe from this story. Execpt the endings were perfectly thought out. This story is a great example why the Sci-fi genre needs a boost.
-- Jimmysutton on 4/18/2016 2:01:33 PM with a score of 0
I'd have liked to see the new Coalition face off against what I'm assuming are the Ancients in a fourth chapter, but the rest was great
-- Giygas316 on 4/8/2016 10:03:42 PM with a score of 50
It reminds me of Halo and Star Wars.
-- MarioRacer010 on 3/27/2016 4:57:14 PM with a score of 0
Liked the numerous events that occur.
-- KnightMex on 3/22/2016 11:18:48 PM with a score of 50
Great! When I first played this, there were some bugs that didn't let me finish it. There were some things that could've been improved, like polishing some of the writing, because it didn't feel like we were at war. Also, the ending seemed a bit... odd, like creepy kind of odd.

Still, you get a solid 7/8 from me. Keep writing stuff like this. I really like it.
-- PrimeGamer123 on 3/20/2016 7:04:27 AM with a score of 50
Wow, just Wow. A terrible beauty is born.wBYeats
-- Colonal on 3/12/2016 7:35:24 AM with a score of 0
Fantastic story! It felt like I was playing a video game. Keep up the amazing work.
-- TLAW on 2/27/2016 8:08:10 PM with a score of 50
It's pretty nice for a starwars-ish type of game. short but swee pages preventing the game from being boring
-- Harvey on 2/7/2016 11:03:43 AM with a score of 50
I thought it was about ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-- Opo on 12/30/2015 10:20:37 AM with a score of 0
Very nice, I really enjoyed the game, it took a while to finish, but really nice plot and I loved the different aliens.
-- Shinobi on 12/16/2015 3:43:29 PM with a score of 50
that was awesome, there wasn't anything in between the various problems as someone stated, but I liked it
-- corgi213 on 12/15/2015 3:01:41 PM with a score of 50
i had some problems as during the war when i chose to get the Thar'Garavan on my side eventually you got to a screen where there is no choice for you to pick. other than that it was exceptionally long and quite a good story
-- seabra101 on 12/9/2015 8:29:16 AM with a score of 0
It's good, however I don't think the final fight is long enough. There is alot of build up but it's over quickly. Is there a sequel?
-- bradhal on 12/5/2015 8:38:18 PM with a score of 45
I really liked this game, and I tried to enlist the Thar-Garavan. When I was returning, I had to inspect the base, and there was a dead end. Hmmmm...
-- Beardon87 on 12/5/2015 4:12:18 PM with a score of 0
it's not half bad, a little lengthy but really good
-- swordmarine on 12/1/2015 7:11:44 PM with a score of 50
Proofread grammar and spelling.
-- MysticMouse on 11/27/2015 7:44:50 PM with a score of 50
Dun...Dun...DUNNN!!! Absolutely fantastic story sir!And DAT epilogue though, didn't see it coming.Your imagination must be extremely vivid to imagine all the different species or you were high while writing.Doesn't matter, because it would be my utmost pleasure to play the sequel.There will be one right?Y'know because of the cliffhanger....Yeah, there will be a sequel or there will be violence .Civilized violence that is.What I'm trying to say is I enjoyed it.That's all.Toodles.
-- Bearnorth on 11/25/2015 7:56:27 AM with a score of 0
This was an amazing story, with plenty of ponder-worthy decisions to be made, however there was a part where Achilles travels to inspect troops on Romulus where there is a dead end. I was forced to go back and change some of my decisions because I could not advance further on the path I chose. It kind of put a downer on the whole experience. I feel as though things may have ended up better in the long run had this dead end not occurred. In addition to this, after the first 75%ish of the story, during the war with the Alliance, each page became very short and uninvolved, as if you were hurrying to finish the story. It kind of put a damper on the experience for me.
-- tman008 on 11/22/2015 9:56:03 PM with a score of 0
like fallout 4 some immense bugs but quality more than makes for it
-- CaesarCzech on 11/10/2015 9:42:00 AM with a score of 0
-- LOLLIPOP on 11/10/2015 8:35:07 AM with a score of 0
Excellently well written, with the multitudes of races soon being memorized as you go on. The decisions you make feel meaningfull, but at the same time the results are not blunt to the point of where they are thrown directly into your face. You can make some mistakes and still get the goal you are desiring, and still retain the fear of making a wrong decisions and feel the aftershocks. Overall, I got only praise for this.
-- Johnathan Thornton on 11/2/2015 1:58:18 PM with a score of 50
Played through a second time - still killed by bugs! Please get the sequel out ASAP
-- Galootius on 10/28/2015 1:28:52 PM with a score of 45
By FAR the best story I've come across. Damn Bugs.
-- Galootius on 10/28/2015 1:06:34 PM with a score of 0

Just... wow. Best one of these CYOA stories I've seen on here.

Spelling and grammatical errors throughout, but nothing that my grammar Nazi self couldn't handle. It did nothing to hold back my love for it.

-- Fiend on 10/3/2015 9:13:53 PM with a score of 50
I really enjoyed the story, I got the ending with peace between the Alliance and Coalition, and honestly I felt the story was riveting, dynamic and presented new and unique challenges each time. I especially loved the Cold War allusions in the story and it only made the game more relatable and interesting.
-- GavinEzraGoh on 10/1/2015 12:52:52 PM with a score of 0
Loved a lot about this story. Just wish there was a bit more flavor text, although the shorter paragraphs made it easier to get into, so there is a bright side to lack of copious amounts of detail.

Great work, can't wait to finish off The End!
-- Aducan on 9/25/2015 8:52:46 AM with a score of 0
Hopefully there's a part two or something because I really hope the End wasn't the end and my choices actually mattered.
-- Gamenoob11 on 9/22/2015 12:06:01 PM with a score of 50
I like this game many of the choices were not clear cut which is how life really is so this could have many different outcomes. I really like this game
-- Elijah Beukers on 9/9/2015 4:27:31 PM with a score of 45
It was good while it lasted, and i did kill of some boredom.
-- Scrin0984 on 8/30/2015 8:09:36 AM with a score of 50
damn good cant wait for the 2nd half
-- shypunk on 8/16/2015 8:04:41 PM with a score of 50
This was a rather amusing game despite all of the spelling and grammar mistakes that are riddled throughout, it seed rather linear in some places and at times I hoped that there could be other choices but it was good none the less.
-- DeathIncarnate on 7/27/2015 7:18:48 PM with a score of 0
T'was neat. Good way to spend a few hours.
-- Sharp on 7/13/2015 5:26:53 AM with a score of 50
The Barack checking scene ended without next option. Cricket awesome story though.
-- Mystic on 7/5/2015 3:43:42 PM with a score of 0
Is there only 1 ending?
-- Unfathomable on 7/3/2015 2:37:22 PM with a score of 0
I played this game with my brother, and we loved it! The story is fantastic, and leaves open room for a sequel, without ending prematurely. The only problem we had with the game were the typos, but given the extent of the text, that doesn't drop this game to worse than a 7/8. Well done, and we hope that there's an even better sequel!
-- Daniel on 6/24/2015 1:32:26 PM with a score of 50
-- mysteriousboss on 6/17/2015 5:28:36 PM with a score of 50
Amazing game. I loved the world and appreciate all the time and effort the writer(s) put into this!
-- Jeremy on 6/11/2015 12:36:32 AM with a score of 50
The game is excelend, and do you make a next part of this game?
-- Milos on 6/6/2015 8:58:54 AM with a score of 0
-- killer on 6/1/2015 3:48:38 PM with a score of 50
One of my new fav games on this site. Gj! 8/8 Only thing is...

**Major error**: I found that when you jokingly choose Cabana as your bodyguard, the story continues until you get to observing the light vehicles of Romulus, where there is no link****

But besides that it's awesome ;D
-- Doomcomer on 5/31/2015 1:11:07 PM with a score of 0
I got 2 endings, where I united all the races, and where I crushed the alliance under my boot.
I liked the first ending better though. The cyborgs at the end the same craisy buggers that created the Remnent?
Also, do you have an apron date of the next book coming out? I don't like cyborgs sniping my hard earned empire.
If so, please reply or comment.
-- Walker. on 5/30/2015 8:51:06 PM with a score of 50
The story was awesome. Although i noticed some grammatical errors, there few and small compared to the amount of text put into this story. Also great work for your first story/game.
-- TheFluentReader on 5/27/2015 2:19:01 PM with a score of 50
Great story so far, definitely deserves a sequel.
-- futurehero97 on 5/27/2015 9:56:25 AM with a score of 50
Definitely one of my favorite!
-- Raven47 on 5/22/2015 12:56:18 AM with a score of 45
I liked it a lot. It was probably my favorite game I played on here. However, I got a page with no links after going to the base on Romulus. Is there something wrong with it?
-- Beardon87 on 5/21/2015 1:28:36 PM with a score of 0
A great game that was very fun and and I hope you make an ending
-- fableheath on 5/20/2015 4:42:52 PM with a score of 50
I think I won the war because I fought dirty and utilized all resources, the only thing I drew the line at was executing prisoners.
-- Mardox on 5/20/2015 11:45:19 AM with a score of 45
Wow, this is really impressive! At first, I thought it was just Master of Orion with text, but you've done a good job creating characters. Cabana, obviously, but also Mrs. Chang, Tarn, and many other NPCs have recongizable personalities. (One minor flaw in otherwise nice work- Achilles's wife is apparently named "your wife.")
The other species could have been nothing but codex entries, but you did a great job with descriptive text and maintaining a consistent flow of showing the reader who these people were instead of merely telling them with an encyclopedia article.
The bit where you just look through the outcome of your choices got a tad tedious, but I understand wanting to show the player what they'd selected.
I've only played through once, so I can't comment on how much any of the choices actually affect the story/outcome. From reading other comments, it seems that you go through pretty much the same set of events no matter what.
Kudos on not releasing the first chapter as an unfinished "preview!" The multi-chapter story is complete in itself, while still giving us a sequel hook. That's how to do episodic content.
Overall a terrific first effort; as you can see, the site is eagerly awaiting a follow-up.
-- Sethaniel on 5/20/2015 11:19:28 AM with a score of 45

-- Johndoe on 5/20/2015 6:47:51 AM with a score of 0
I saw some errors, but I like the premise and the tactical choices. Overall a great game.
-- hugo23 on 5/20/2015 1:21:53 AM with a score of 50
Human supremacy forever!

I really liked this a lot.
-- EndMaster on 5/19/2015 10:00:38 PM with a score of 0
WOW. Where to even start with this one.

First, it is huuuuge. I almost never see projects this big get actually completed here. And successful collaborations are even rarer...I don't know who did what but major props to Chase and Steve both. There was no announcement on the forum or anything so this whole thing was pretty much out of the blue and I wasn't expecting something on this level at all when I clicked the link.

On a purely technical level, the writing was mostly good but uneven in got off to a slow start with infodumps and pointless decisions like whether to take a shower or not, and there small errors sprinkled thoughout. And wwile I didn't mind the episodic nature of things on a story this large in scope, I agree with MagmaArmor that a few of the transitions were too abrupt. (The example that sticks out most strongly in my mind


was the part where it jumped from chatting with Chang and Cabana to getting ambushed by the Thar'Garavan was pretty abrupt. Actually, a few of them were after that point--jumping from the ambush, to the nightmare, to docking at the Garavan flagship with nothing in between got a bit disorientating.

Also, I sometimes it feels like some of the more obvious 'common sense' choices were missing. Early on you're approached by unknown ships and you can choose to either open fire or do chance to hail them or scan them or anything that might give you more information to base a decision on.

And later when you find the ancient ship, it bugged me that there was no middle ground between immediately sending a team to explore it, or abandoning it for scavengers. Again, no way to scan the ship for defenses, send in a probe, or just secure the area until your scientists can do some sciencey things and you have a better idea of how to proceed?

And MUCH later...there was seriously no middle ground between straight up murdering a bunch of journalists and letting them continue to reveal military information?

(I know I've been getting very specific here with things that didn't necessarily matter much in the granch scheme of things but I started taking notes as I played once I realized I was in for the long haul!)


But really it's 'in the grand scheme of things' where this game really shines. Because it's not just about the General' personal adventures but in making decisions that affect the lives of millions (billions?) over a long period of time. I absolutely love the strategy elements here and how choices matter, and you're always dealing with the consequences (both politically and in terms of military strength) much further down the road.

I thought it was a nice touch when you got to see the military tech you'd ordered, and I actually laughed out loud when 'the trend of naming technology after Greek myths' started being acknowledged within the story.

(btw, when examining the dropships on Romulus--the Icarus--I got two identical links.)

Though the more personal side of the story is well done too. I loved every scene Cabana was in, with one exception:



I trusted him the first time through and I'm glad I did, because when I went back and checked what would have happened, the other path is pretty unsatisfactory. First, he says he'll agree to be investigated but then immediately afterwards forces a confrontation? I was trying to play the game 'realistically' as a military commander so of course even if someone's your friend you're going to put personal feelings aside going to have them investigated when evidence starts popping up.
I'm surprised Cabana himself didn't understand that instead of taking it so personally...and even if you go with the choice to trust him it's hard to believe the whole thing could just be swept under the rug once he's under suspicion by Chang and others. -Of course- there'd be some kind of investigation when billions of lives are potentially at stake and that's the only lead they have to go on.

Again, maybe I'm nitpicking, but Cabana was otherwise so well written that I was pretty invested in the character by that point and so that whole scene just rubbed me the wrong way.



Anyway, I got what I think was the best ending (staying as ethical as possible while still Gettin Shit Done and winning the war) with this score:

GARAVAN is 85.
STRENGTH is 455.
UNITY is 100.

Next time I'll try for a General with more of a 'Humanity, Fuck Yeah!' attitude and ruthlessly crush the xeno scum, should be fun.

And I'm going to have to disagree with bearclaw1234 here about the ending...the way hints about the new enemy were gradually revealed was handled perfectly IMO. Unless it's possible to completely miss them on certain paths I'm not sure how he came to the conclusion the epilogue didn't fit.

Anyway, I'm curious, how long did this take to write? I want to get a rough idea of how long it will be until the sequel. :)
-- mizal on 5/19/2015 7:00:46 PM with a score of 50
Wonderful Storyline, Plot, & In-Depth Descriptions.. though your spelling & grammar needs MUCH work (noticed MANY errors of both throughout the entire storygame). It has everything a good story needs (though it ended abruptly- one minute ye are talking to a General about the Unknown Flanking Army & then the next ye get the epilogue which doesn't seem to even fit the storyline & plot & makes it seem anticlimactic).
-- bearclaw01234 on 5/18/2015 11:40:29 PM with a score of 50
Ok. The amount of detail you have put into the game, the writing quality and the story is really excellent guys. I'm not sure how much difference the variables made but as far as the writing went this was terrific. Definitely want to read the sequel now :) 8/8
-- Will11 on 5/17/2015 8:28:28 PM with a score of 0
Well, this is the most effort I've seen put into a new game in a while ... I actively kept trying to die in this game and it took forever, which is a good sign (... depending on the game, anyway) but it's not exactly flawless. :\

On the "Continue" page if you click "refuse" it endlessly loops you to that page itself and doesn't allow you to progress.
-- Kiel_Farren on 5/17/2015 1:32:48 PM with a score of 50
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