Cantina Band: Dusty Death in D-Minor
, #32 for
played 802 times (finished 133)
"march in the swamp"
"A well spent lunch break"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
Part of Series
If you think Star Wars made no contribution to the music world, think again. Not only is there John William's amazing compositions, but there's also the infamous.....
Play as the head of the Modal Nodes (the real name of the band)! Your comfortable exsistence is shattered when your brother is involved in a mysterious speeder crash. While investigating, you run into dangerous stituations and evil villians. It'll take all of your wits to solve the mystery, unveil a vile plot, and make your next gig on time...and alive.
Good Luck, Have Fun, and
"May the Kloon Horn Be With You"
This isn't bad. Here are some thoughts:
- "The three beings are approachig the speeder fast. You need to make a decision....pronto!" Your grammar and spelling started off fairly good, then kind of dropped off a cliff a little bit towards the end and descended into the dreaded '!' and '...' abuse. Most of the issues are with spelling to be honest; you seem to have a lot of words where two letters are swapped around so it needs a proof-read, then another one.
- "Don't worry there's a sequel : ]" I'd put this in the description because it kind of detracts away from the ending.
- I actually quite liked the general plot and it helps that the setting doesn't particularly need to be fleshed out as long as you know what Star Wars is, which is a given assuming you don't live in one of those Amazon tribal communities that's shut off from the World. The writing isn't bad; I'd say it's above average for this site. Still, the average here leaves a lot to be desired, so you can always improve. I'd suggest maybe a little more description of the specific bar or the Mos Eisley Spaceport to get the reader a little more immersed.
- Some of the sound effects were... audibly questionable, 'FreEEEerf!' and 'BhraCRH!' being my two favourites. I find that restraining the urge to mash your keyboard with one hand tends to help with this.
- Not a fan of the font changes from the start to the second page. Personally, I feel like sticking it in italics would have looked nicer, but it was consistent thereon so we cool fam.
- Also with the start, the 'deadly news' thing was a little bit cliche and could have been more subtly written, but I guess it whipped up a tiny amount of tension.
- Of course, the length is an issue. Something like a Star Wars fanfic (fanfic? That sounds a bit wrong somehow in this context. I don't know... spinoff?) deserves more than 4000 words, which most people can write in a couple of hours.
- I don't really see why one branch basically became a Star Wars quiz, but you do seem pretty damn into Star Wars so I guess that explains it. Still, I feel that it was pretty unrealistic and detracted from the story a little, even if I did enjoy doing it! Also, the arbitrary 'which box represents the force?' thing was kind of lame, not gonna lie.
- "The second box is of a more modest size, and is made of craved wood." God, I know exactly the wood you're talking about. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't want that damn good wood.
Despite my criticism, the dialogue was pretty realistic, more so than I was expecting upon seeing that <4.00 rating when I first came across this game.
4/8. A proof-read could have bumped it up to 5/8.
on 7/18/2017 7:57:53 AM
Very nicely written with good descriptions and plot. The variety of choices one has are also excellent. I don't see that it's necessarily linear, because of course you want to move the story forward. Some of the choices, however, could have branched a bit more instead of leading to instant death. Also, I would have liked more of the story! I felt it ended too quickly, right as I was figuring things out. Excellent job, though. Please keep contributing.
on 9/6/2006 1:43:57 AM
Not a Star Wars fan so i guess this just wasn't for me
on 7/9/2017 10:57:49 PM
It was very short. There some spelling and grammar issues, but an okay start to a larger story.
on 10/6/2016 12:40:04 PM
Meh... I wish there had been more than one way to not die
-- Nikerk05 on 3/2/2016 11:45:10 PM
It was good, but just as it was geting going it eneded. Needs to be longer
-- Jordy P on 9/18/2014 11:36:54 AM
It was okay. There were a couple of mistakes like the use of "obsurbed" instead of "observed." Also it was too short and ended right when it started to get fun. I'll go try the sequel now though. :)
-- Silver on 6/29/2013 3:30:55 AM
easy to win
on 5/3/2013 9:52:28 AM
Nice start, would liek to see more. But there's a sequel, I go there now. :D
on 9/28/2011 6:21:06 AM
a very good start!
on 5/16/2010 10:20:23 PM
Show All Comments
Help & Info
Who Is Online
69 guests and
version 20170008 | ChooseYourStory © 2001 - 2018, Halogen Studios Entertainment |