His Smile

Player Rating3.13/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 22 ratings since 06/10/2017
played 244 times (finished 41)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level1/8

"appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.

You're a senior girl in high school with a unique friend named Andrew. You're best of friends, and you hope to hold on to that friendship.

Player Comments

@ the author

Might be something that's better to make a thread about it you really want to get into it in detail, but CYOAs structured like this one nearly always draw criticism for the lack of legitimate choices, and I can't think of any highly regarded game that doesn't offer at least a few paths that go on longer than one or two decisions.

It looks like you've only rated your own game and one other during your time on the site so that doesn't do much to help me figure out what games you're referring to.
-- mizal on 6/13/2017 5:16:26 AM with a score of 0
Mizal, Thank you for your thoughts. I did intend for it to have humor so if you found it hilarious, I'm glad. That's what I was going for.

Also, a note to everyone, this was my first story and thus, something of an experiment. I've played a lot of stories on here and learned from those. I tried to make my story similar to them in structure. So, I am confused as to why you are criticizing my story for these reasons when on the other stories I've read that are similar to mine, there are no comments criticizing how they wrote their story.

But I still appreciate your thoughts. This was very informative to me.
-- AdrianneDeforest on 6/12/2017 2:24:39 PM with a score of 0
This was great. One minute I'm talking to this guy about Pixar movies, the next minute I'm inexplicably standing on the roof yelling at this other girl I've never seen before. It just seemed so random and went from one scene to the next like some kind of distorted movie.

There were a lot of branching paths, even though most of them led to the same kind of awkward ending, but the non-linearity itself is a plus.

The characters could certainly have been fleshed out a bit more. I'm introduced to this guy within one page and know nothing about him except that he likes Pixar. That's great and all, but Andrew might be a Pixar fanboy who's also financially unstable with no prospects in life. One of the few good endings I found ends with you watching The Incredibles 2 with him. Well, is that it? Maybe he dumps you as soon as the movie is over. Maybe he's a total jerk and just talks throughout the film. You could also have done something romantic in the movie theatre, maybe, but noooo I'm standing on the roof yelling at Lindsey (which admittedly is much more hilarious).

My favourite ending is where he tries to kiss you, and you tell him that you just want to be friends, and he gets sad, and you kiss him anyway, and then you realise that the simple act of kissing has single-handedly convinced you into wanting a relationship with him, but he suddenly doesn't feel the same way and runs away.
-- Saika on 6/12/2017 5:02:33 AM with a score of 0
Just commenting again to point out that Dini is actually incorrect. The punctuation on the dialogue in this story was fine, which is actually pretty rare and something I should've given the author a pat on the back for.

"We've almost graduated!" you say to Andrew, one of your best friends.

This is all one sentence, so capitalizing 'you' would have been an error.
-- mizal on 6/11/2017 11:33:38 AM with a score of 0
I liked how many endings there were. I did notice some errors. On the first page, you wrote: "We've almost graduated!" you say to Andrew, one of your best friends. You are supposed to capitalize the y. Overall, the book was entertaining and I enjoyed it. Just look through all of the errors and please fix them. I also wish that you expanded on some of the options.
-- DiniTheWizard on 6/11/2017 11:26:52 AM with a score of 0
This story is hilarious, but I think...unintentionally?

I only found one choice that didn't push you immediately to an end, but nearly every interaction you have with this awkward dorky high school friend randomly and LOUDLY declaring his love for you has life altering consequences that have basically nothing to do with the immediate situation. Agree to go on a single date and it jumps immediately from there to an epilogue the night he meant to propose to you. Say you want to be friends, and he dates someone else, and you're told you started dating his cousin and the story implies you're going to hell for it...? Uh. Okay.

It'd be nice having so many endings if the paths were fleshed out more or they were a little more logical. The writing itself is perfectly fine as far as the technical aspects go, it's just the character actions and outcomes become so hilariously dramatic it's hard to take them seriously.
-- mizal on 6/10/2017 9:54:08 PM with a score of 0
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