His Smile

Player Rating3.10/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 59 ratings since 06/10/2017
played 1,532 times (finished 97)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length5/8

"Not going to lose any sleep"

Maturity Level1/8

"appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.

You're a senior girl in high school with a unique friend named Andrew. You're best of friends, and you hope to hold on to that friendship.

Player Comments

Right. This felt a little more like a caricature of a story rather than a real one, mainly because you wrote pretty decently but crammed it all into so few words!

3000 isn't too bad, but there's a fair amount of branching (even if it is shallow), so the story ends pretty much instantly apart from one option! Most of the others kind of covered this, and I'm no expert on writing romance by any means, but you really need to develop the characters and get the reader attached to them. That takes a little more time and effort, and it can be quite hard to do it in an interesting way I'd imagine. Still, you do seem pretty competent at writing, so I encourage you to either unpublish and flesh it out or just write another story that's bigger.

Some of the paths were also just crazy. Like you choose to be friends and then BAM your friendship slowly withers as he starts digging some other girl and you marry his cousin (who, btw, you only find out is rich and lives in a mansion after you marry him. I may be wrong, but most people tend to go to their partner's house before marriage. The fact the MC falls in love with him also makes me doubt it was an arranged marriage or anything!).

As far as mistakes go, I couldn't see any (eh, no space after after ellipses but that's a wobbly rule that comes down to taste mainly), so you've at least gotten proof reading down, the hurdle that trips up about 70% of the stories here pretty badly. This wasn't a particularly bad first story.

3/8
-- AzBaz on 8/8/2017 11:58:34 AM with a score of 0
Well, don't know what the author was going for here, but since it's in Love and Dating, I'll assume it was romance. Honestly, since Andrew was my friend I did the natural thing and pushed him on what was wrong, and then he confessed his love in a manner befitting a psychopathic maniac and I got the fuck out of there and friend-zoned the shit out of him.

Second play through, because I decided to be nice seeing as the author doesn't seem to be an ass and looks to be looking to improve, I said nothing, and then was unfortunately given only the chance to be a bitch to Andrew and whatever her name was, which ended the game, or be a psycho bitch. Being a psycho bitch led to some weird ass scene at Andrew's funeral, which was also weird.

Anyhow, not romantic in the slightest, Andrew just weirded me out. Plus, never been a fan of school games. That being said, the grammer and writing style all seemed fairly decent for a first game, and I genuinely do hope the author isn't pushed away and continues to write.
-- Steve24833 on 7/11/2017 2:03:26 PM with a score of 0
This was great. One minute I'm talking to this guy about Pixar movies, the next minute I'm inexplicably standing on the roof yelling at this other girl I've never seen before. It just seemed so random and went from one scene to the next like some kind of distorted movie.

There were a lot of branching paths, even though most of them led to the same kind of awkward ending, but the non-linearity itself is a plus.

The characters could certainly have been fleshed out a bit more. I'm introduced to this guy within one page and know nothing about him except that he likes Pixar. That's great and all, but Andrew might be a Pixar fanboy who's also financially unstable with no prospects in life. One of the few good endings I found ends with you watching The Incredibles 2 with him. Well, is that it? Maybe he dumps you as soon as the movie is over. Maybe he's a total jerk and just talks throughout the film. You could also have done something romantic in the movie theatre, maybe, but noooo I'm standing on the roof yelling at Lindsey (which admittedly is much more hilarious).

My favourite ending is where he tries to kiss you, and you tell him that you just want to be friends, and he gets sad, and you kiss him anyway, and then you realise that the simple act of kissing has single-handedly convinced you into wanting a relationship with him, but he suddenly doesn't feel the same way and runs away.
-- Saika on 6/12/2017 5:02:33 AM with a score of 0
so romantic
-- PrincessStarlight on 5/18/2018 11:41:19 PM with a score of 0
why is every ending so fucking sad ? are trying to torture your readers ? but i still enjoyed it , i only wish that i can live happily ever after with him.
-- Aster on 4/15/2018 9:14:12 PM with a score of 0
@ Malkalack

"It's clear that the author hasn't spoken with more than three people who exist out of her virginal imagination."

So...what exactly do you mean by that...?
-- AdrianneDeforest on 3/7/2018 6:48:37 PM with a score of 0
I feel like this could have potential if it was a lot longer. As it is right now, it's decent and re-playable. Certainly not as romantic as I had hoped for though.
-- haleybughime on 3/6/2018 3:28:33 AM with a score of 0
This had some good elements, a hint of insight budding here and there, but it was mostly too erratic to make a cohesive story. I can feel the sense of loss in the tale, and appreciate the tie ins between the title and many of the endings.
-- Mynoris on 2/13/2018 12:50:56 AM with a score of 0
It's clear that the author hasn't spoken with more than three people who exist out of her virginal imagination
-- Malkalack on 1/14/2018 10:32:42 PM with a score of 0
This will bring you enlightenment and tears. You never see his smile again.
-- Enlightenment on 11/15/2017 12:35:50 AM with a score of 0
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