, #28 for
played 1,161 times (finished 172)
"march in the swamp"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
Part of Series
A quite random game, about what a squirrel goes through just to get his breakfast.
Well, this was certainly random. I did like that pictures were included, that did help a little tiny bit. Random CYOA stories can be hard to pull off. Sure, you did explain that it would be random; and some of the original CYOA books were quite random. But I’m not sure this really pulls off the randomness that really makes sense (if that makes sense). It was nice to have choices, but why were there choices, other than just them being random?
But there were also a number of different spelling errors throughout the story. That takes a barely readable random story and makes it even worse. Also, despite the randomness, even with a random story it is nice if there is some kind of idea of direction and hints as to what direction to go. I did appreciate that there were options, and a good number of options, but no one really had any idea which options were going to lead to a quick death and which would advance the “Story.”
So thank you for sharing this with the site and for the attempt, but IMO this one really needs a bit of work to be more of a story and more of a CYA. Even just adding more descriptions and details on each page would expand the randomness of the story to be more readable. That, and editing for spelling errors would be quite helpful.
on 7/5/2018 9:44:44 PM
I'll just say it right away. I didn't enjoy this.
First of all, it was very random (which you literally admitted in the description), and I couldn't even tell what was going on through all the linear writing and awkward, underdeveloped characters. All I know about Mandy is that she seems to get pissed really easily and knows boxing, but nothing much at all beyond that. Even for lolrandom games like this one developed characters are VERY important.
Then there was the fact that there was little to no branching (just about each link leads to death), and I really couldn't make any choices that effected the story without killing myself.
There were also some spelling errors, such as "sueal" and not "squeal." This is very annoying, because this story is incredibly short and this makes it feel like you didn't proofread at all, because stories so short with such little branching should be incredibly easy to proofread.
I didn't pick up on any emotion either, but hey, there's way worse on the site I suppose.
on 3/24/2017 12:42:02 AM
It was an average game for me. It had a nice amount of options and I liked playing a squirrel looking for nuts to eat. On the other hand, the not so great spelling and random deaths kind of held the game back for me. I suggest next time that you give a hint when I am close to dying.
on 4/28/2012 3:43:58 PM
This game was ok, except for the spelling mistakes.
on 6/4/2018 10:32:08 AM
There's some errors in grammar or just mistakes in the story.
You get bored more often then other story's.
And this story is short...
I think you could improve all of what I said and get a better rating.
Final rating: 3/8
on 11/15/2017 2:32:59 PM
Cute story. I really loved the pictures! All the spelling errors made reading a bit difficult
on 1/26/2017 3:02:19 PM
short, spelling was bad... but it was a good plot
on 4/26/2016 6:46:39 PM
Died every time....
on 1/9/2016 1:52:20 AM
I like the idea and branches out nicely, but this was filled with many, MANY spelling and grammar errors. And sometimes sometimes you would repeat a word.
Please go over your story after you finish it. For now it's a 3/8. But if you fix those errors then I might rate it higher.
on 10/31/2015 5:25:12 PM
on 4/25/2015 10:06:53 PM
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