, #59 for
played 3,577 times (finished 330)
"march in the swamp"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.
Set up the bases and rule your own empire after the third world war.
Okay, before I forget; on the 'Allow the invasion of Hernville' page, the 'do nothing' link leads to a page with no words except the original ones, and no links. That needs fixing.
The links throughout the game are pointless; we have no choice to do as we want. It is extremely linear! One 'wrong' click on the 'wrong' link means death. There is only one 'right' link on each page, so that makes it boring. You can't even choose your heir! You are forced to have the people choose them for you!
And the spelling and all that? Needs work, and not just a little bit. Same with spaces, which are supposed to be placed between the comma or period and the word that comes after that.
To short, it is made to where you have a ton and a half of land just a few clicks after that first town. Then I think I have the world... Over a thousand years later.
The plot is a little... Well, taking over the world is what villains in movies want to do. And the character's personality is unknown, so I don't know why they want so much territory.
It can be improved, but with work. Work on the plot, character description, spelling, wording, all that. You can do it if you take your time; you don't need to rush to publish. Writing a good story that people like is hard, and you can't rush through it, or get bored with it. Write a story that you are interested in, and the outcome will be much better, as you will of put more effort into it.
on 2/16/2018 8:39:34 PM
It was illogical at some points, as some choices would have resulted in a very different story. Your punctuation and length needs work, but everything else in terms of qualitative parts are okay. This is definitely NOT a choose-your-story, since you threaten the reader with death with every wrong "decision". 1/8
on 10/29/2012 10:12:23 PM
I think you really tried to make a good story, but perhaps got bored partway through or were surprised by how much work it required, because this shows signs of being a decent story which hasn't been properly finished.
I found a "this is a new page"
on 10/28/2012 8:35:43 AM
i didn't get far but... its poorly written. and within the first option apparently you are 'assassinated' because...people apparently knew immediately that you had...opted to set up a secret police organization to route out anarchists...its always nice when people give you an option that don't want you to pick. if your going to call it a 'choose your own adventure' give people actual options.
-- Random on 3/3/2018 2:23:27 PM
I didn't really read this tbh I just saw it was less than 1000 words and that the first page was full of bad Engrish with no spaces after the commas.
I clicked a little while and then got executed by guillotine, which weirdly, was actually spelled correctly.
on 1/18/2018 8:23:19 PM
Honestly it was short. It had a little under 1000 words and they were not that good to begin with. Also like stated before, every time you make a wrong choice you die. There is no branching what so ever. Why not write this as flash fiction? I mean for real, there was no point in making this story in this format when you could have wrote it somewhere else and you might have got a little praise from your family members. There was also a lot of spelling and grammar issues. I see it was your first story and you have gotten better, but I have no idea how you got a 3.53/8 rating.
I'm being nice here 2/8
on 1/18/2018 3:41:33 PM
This is not terrible, but the story has lots of grammar and punctuation errors. The idea is good though, but I think the book should have been longer.
on 1/17/2018 10:10:27 PM
You should take the time to flesh the story out more.
on 10/1/2017 11:49:28 AM
There was not enough dynamics in the decisions made.
Not enough variables, and it was very rushed. I was expecting to see a slow, piece by piece, expansion, with many uncertainties, uncertain outcomes, and no ultimatums that are one-sided, not "You have conquered North America" a few moments after conquering your first village. Something that bothered me was the outcome for "choosing your heir", since in reality, the second option would almost never result in something like that. It's a centralized government with a strong military, and numerous empires lasted that way for centuries.
The game should also include more random outcomes for battles, if possible.
That being said, it was fun. For a few minutes, I was genuinely intrigued and entertained. The very fact that I'm asking for improvements is simply because I enjoyed it. I would like a longer game, though.
-- Vodka Redux on 5/3/2017 11:31:58 AM
it had little to no work put into it thats why i gave it a 2/8
on 3/24/2017 4:59:19 PM
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