Random Plot: Job Saving

Player Rating2.99/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 46 ratings since 01/12/2015
played 283 times (finished 52)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level2/8

"choking hazard for children under 4"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 6. To compare to the movie rating system, this would be G.

This game was made with the random plot generator, here:
http://writers-den.pantomimepony.co.uk/writers-plot-ideas.php
I am thinking of making couple of these "Random plot idea" storys.... they will of course be short.
Here's the plot I got (SPOILERS FOR THE STORY):
An ornithologist has 24 hours to finance a deal that will save thousands of jobs. The story is complicated by a storm."
My third fourth game...It's still going to be bad (Ooopss, I didn't really put in a storm... oh, well)

This story is very VERY VERY short. My goal was to write this story as soon as possible... and I made it under 3 hours. I know that seems a lot,  but you'll think otherwise when I tell you I have started working on this ON 10 PM! YEAH! YOU BETTER BE GRATEFUL... AND THESE 'RANDOM PLOT' STORIES ARE MEANT TO BE SHORT...NOW GO IN YOUR CORNER AND SHUT UP!)

Player Comments

As harsh as my criticism is, the writing isn't too shabby. Your talents could be used to create something worthwhile. From Will's comment, it seems that your other stories are better and I'll probably stumble into them at some point.

- I haven't had to criticise the introduction to the story very often, but you have a font change halfway through a sentence and you have some weird tactic of trying to abuse the reader into liking it. I mean, come on. Also, if you're going to spend 3 hours writing a story, don't spend 3 hours writing a story. Just don't do it. I'm surprised you only got out 1000 words in that time anyway.

- "What!? This is one of the only zoo's that the climate that's okay for the Fartius Maximus!" Ugh. Mistakes on the first page are always a bad sign and toilet humour doesn't add much.

- You were clearly aware of the illogical nature of your choices when you wrote this, but it's really not a good idea in a CYOA game. I might as well just click randomly through the game; it's not like there's really a believable plot to it to make me stop and read.

- You evidently didn't care about writing an actual story and were focusing more on humour. I actually don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as you maybe have a better premise with more of a general plot and pull it off better than this. It needs time and effort, as most things worth reading do. This is a golden nugget among its type. It just so happens that the lolrandom genre is the bottom of the barrel nine times out of ten.
3/8
-- AzBaz on 7/25/2017 6:07:18 PM with a score of 0
First it's nice to see you've gone from "sorry for the quality" to "go in your corner and shut up" in the intro's to your stories :D I liked the idea of a walk-in elephant exhibit that comes equipped with jeeps which makes the zoo sound bigger than New Hampshire. On the down side random story games take no real effort or plausibility to write and though it's fairly good as random story games go I prefer your other stuff which is why you get a 4/8.
-- Will11 on 1/13/2015 12:57:33 AM with a score of 0
Needs Work
-- mwatson_54 on 9/6/2017 10:53:13 AM with a score of 0
"You died! Now go and rate this game 8/8"

No. No, I'm not. In fact, I'll lower my rating just for that.

You also insult the reader in the "good" ending. The infinite loop was a bit pointless but you seemed aware of that. This could have been pretty funny, but it wasn't. It just seemed like you didn't care.
-- Saika on 8/3/2017 4:15:31 AM with a score of 0
For something made that short it was ok, but as a story game was not good. You had a few spelling errors, with "rihno" and not enough content or plot.
-- Zulutrader on 11/3/2016 1:17:33 PM with a score of 0
Very fast paced. The logic was backwards, which was kind of funny.
Infinite Loop?
?
?
:)
-- Morganis on 10/1/2016 6:57:49 PM with a score of 0
this game lacked banter and fun. Needs more banter
-- Banter on 3/1/2016 3:59:00 AM with a score of 0
Actually not bad. It was a good entertaining read. Yes it's short, but it's fun.
-- Jordi P on 5/12/2015 12:40:38 PM with a score of 0
You were right for saying it was short, but it was fun!
-- lollolol on 3/16/2015 3:49:43 AM with a score of 0
It was a good Zoo plot, and the police must have no brains, they think the Chicken killed them? Wow. It's a good and funny story!

6/8
-- Deathdefender on 1/12/2015 6:19:54 PM with a score of 0
Show All Comments