Revenge for honor

Player Rating3.63/8

"#579 overall, #47 for 2012"
based on 117 ratings since 12/15/2012
played 1,400 times (finished 134)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length3/8

"A nice jog down the driveway"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

My life was getting harder and harder as I was growing up. I was all alone after the death of my parents and relatives, all were killed by the town members because they couldn't pay the taxes within the alloted time. But I was left alive and who have witnessed the death of my all the family members by my eyes. Few were burned, some of them were thrown into well, my parents....and all...all....were dead. The only thing that was left for me was revenge for the thirst of blood. And from that day, I promised, no one will have mercy.

WARNING: This is my first storygame and as you many guys know English isn't my first language.

Player Comments

Usually when I see a noob story with a decent amount of mostly understandable text on the page I'll give it a 3 or something, even with this amount of linearity.

But everything about the plot and motivation here is just so retarded? It's another of those situations where the only context you get is packed in the description and not really included in the story. And even then, there's not much. Reading the description about people being burned and drowned in wells I thought this was going to take place in some edgy medieval village. And instead... it's a modern city? What?

The grammar and basic writing skill are mostly fine, but the plot and the way this story instantly breaks all logic circuits in the brain make it impossible to take seriously.




-- mizal on 12/23/2020 11:26:32 AM with a score of 0
I don't understand anything that is going on in this story. I don't understand why I would do this stuff, and how my family got killed. Not paying taxes??? At least give me more information about that, make me want revenge. I don't feel anything for the protagonist. I can't really say much about the grammar because this is not your first language. The story was very linear and there was only one right choice for each one. I see that that the basic plot has potential, hunting down your family's murders, but it would need a lot of work. If the reason why they killed my family was believable, and if I actually felt like I wanted revenge for the character, and there was actually multiple different paths, then yes it would be a good story. But the only thing good about this story is the plot, and it doesn't really make sense.
-- stargirl on 12/22/2020 9:24:40 PM with a score of 0
I.... Call me confused.
The writing was decent considering that English is your second language, but I have no idea about the plot. I did not catch why the person would do things such as this, the people, I felt no connections to those brief characters, and even the main character himself I don't have much to say about.
Moving on to the choices, it feels out of control to the reader. I don't feel that my decisions make too much of an impact to the story as it is very linear, either "progress" or "death". Nothing much other than that.
I won't talk too much about the grammar and writing, as you aren't a native speaker.
There is one thing I would like briefly mention. In the description, the family were killed because they couldn't pay taxes. That would make 0 sense in the real world, so I assumed it was either a fantasy modern world, or in the past of some village. Going into the story, the person starts using guns, pistols, etc. which now made me wonder about the setting. A more realistic reason for the death of a whole family would be an armed robber, or a mass brawl that they were caught up in.
Either way, this has gone on long enough, I feel that you there was a good amount of effort put into this story. Keep up the good effort, buddy.
-- PerforatedPenguin on 11/25/2020 2:49:51 PM with a score of 0
I speedread the game to see if the comments were true........
well I beat it in 30 secs.
-- orangatan on 11/22/2020 4:31:45 AM with a score of 0
Not really any choices that result in death.
-- Austinc on 1/15/2019 12:33:29 PM with a score of 0
Stupid ended sooooo fast one coice was death the other wasent
-- Happy golucky on 7/25/2018 3:51:54 PM with a score of 0
the story is good but the freedom with the choices are really either death or the other
-- MathieuConsuelo on 5/1/2018 1:56:52 PM with a score of 0
I realize English isn't your first language, but it doesn't make the grammatical problems easier to get through. I would have recommended having a native speaker do a quick run through this at the very least.

'There was a blood dripping out from his body when I shooted twenty bullets into his mouth. I knew I've killed one of my enemies but now police would be again next to me.'

Just one example of many, but one I found funny for whatever reason.

I'm going to assume in the years since this has been published you've figured out how to punctuate dialogue and so not spend time going into detail on that, other than to note it's another persistent problem here.

The story's pretty much entirely linear, but as a normal short story it would work just fine. There's enough content here that I could tell effort was put in and for the most part there's nothing wrong with the plot...the big exception being that the death of the character's parent and thus their entire motivation is spelled out in the story's description, yet absolutely nowhere in the story itself.

(And honestly, even what's in the description doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It sounds like a fantasy setting with people being thrown down wells etc., but then, wait, they're killed not by an evil dictator, but by other townspeople out of...I guess moral outrage at the shirking of their civic duty? And then the story itself turns out to be in a modern setting and it all suddenly makes even less sense, so who even knows.)
-- mizal on 7/3/2017 11:07:38 AM with a score of 0
Really linear, but that was a good story.
-- crazygurl on 6/12/2017 10:49:49 PM with a score of 0
lol loved the different options, keep it up
-- ZergRush305 on 2/9/2017 10:22:47 AM with a score of 0
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