the Androidic Purge

Player Rating4.43/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 17 ratings since 04/16/2018
played 28 times (finished 1)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

*note: this is my first storygame*
In a world with a substantial android population, a movement suddenly emerges with a single goal: eradicate all androids. How long would you be able to avoid destruction in the Purge?

There are several ways to die in this game. Are you up to the challenge?

There are only two endings, one of which is the actual ending and then a second one I decided to add in. All other ends are you being destroyed. (btw, sorry it's so short)

*if you have any questions or comments, please comment them or PM me (or email!). also, this is based off of a story series currently in the writing, so if you would like to read it, please email either glaedr170@gmail.com or astralfirefly17@gmail.com*

 

*edit: added a bit more dialogue so it wasn't cut short so awkwardly & added some extra info about the Purge*

Player Comments

This story is fine. Grammatically it's pretty alright, a few errors (all involving dialogue tags) but nothing too bad. I like cyberpunk settings with a looot of prejudice, and this didn't disappoint. It seemed like a more kid-friendly cyberpunk setting.

One thing I did notice was that the purging of androids is... Well, it makes no sense. This one guy makes a speech, so suddenly every human hates androids and tries to kill them all? That's just lazy. There has to be some humans who still sympathize with androids and aren't following along with this. Maybe you plan on expanding this in the regular book series or a future installment, but right now it's just a tad ridiculous.

Speaking of the villain, there's no real motivation there. He just doesn't like androids. What did we ever do to him? We just co-exist with humans, what made everyone start hating us other than this guy's speech? Were there tensions beforehand? People scared, or even envious, of androids and looking to eliminate them? That's something that should have also been expanded upon.

Regarding dialogue tags, which I mentioned above, when writing dialogue there's rules. Here's some examples:

"Blah blah blah, I'm talking." He says. // Incorrect.
"Blah blah blah, I'm talking." he says. // Also incorrect.
"Blah blah blah, I'm talking," he says. // Correct. 'He says' is part of the same sentence as the dialogue, so there's a comma instead of a period and the word 'he' isn't capitalized. The same applies for questions and exclamations.
"Blah blah blah, I'm talking." He turns around and starts reading a book. // In this, the speaker does something and the story specifies that without noting that he just said the last line. So, this is a new sentence, and therefor you wouldn't continue the line of dialogue with this.

With items, I'd also suggest making it so we can't continue without them. This can be done by setting an item restriction on the link where you receive the items, and setting the restriction to 'has'. Otherwise someone could just ignore it and continue on.

Overall, I see some potential and lots of room for improvement. Stick around, maybe read a couple of articles about writing stories. I'd like to see more from you. (PS, I read the description of the other story you have in sneak preview... Don't leave paths unfinished. We HATE unfinished games being published on the site just because the author was too lazy to finish it.)

My final rating for this game is a 4/8.
-- Chris113022 on 4/10/2018 9:15:31 PM with a score of 0
So much fun. Really can't believe this is your first submission. Good job. I had fun.
-- LuvLee on 4/23/2018 12:54:37 PM with a score of 0
Not bad at all for your first story. There's a plot in there, but it all gets cut rather short just as everything's getting started. You've chosen quite a unique setting for the story and that's one of the strong points I see here, though I must say that the Author's Note broke the immersion a little. Might I say that this might also be a little ambitious - there's lot of holes in the writing which probably need to be addressed.

Some fine-tuning is needed here and there, but essentially you have the bare bones of what could be a very formidable story. 4/8
-- Xerxes on 4/17/2018 10:23:25 AM with a score of 0
I believe it’s a nice start for a first story. The interchange between the androids could be more lengthy and deeper, even giving a chance at learning the back story of the droids, who knows?

Some of the dialogue felt clipped, such as the description of the forest experience by Dexter. Overall, it didn’t feel too short. Got the unofficial ending, so onto the real one. Good job!
-- Robby2977 on 4/11/2018 1:24:35 AM with a score of 0
Good stuff.
-- Ang on 4/10/2018 10:36:59 AM with a score of 0
Impressive, for a first story. I didn't catch many obvious grammar errors, you have a decent story, and it looks like you put thought and effort into your story, which isn't common. Can't wait for more.
-- ultraoverlord on 4/9/2018 8:39:24 PM with a score of 0
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