The Horror Inside

a Horror by Ogre11

Commended by BerkaZerka on 11/11/2018 10:50:16 AM

Player Rating5.85/8

"#196 overall, #19 for 2018"
based on 59 ratings since 10/31/2018
played 1,152 times (finished 79)

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
Drew was a fantastic accountant. He really enjoyed his job and he was good at it. But one day something started happening to him, and he just wasn't quite sure what was going on...

Created for BerkaZerka's Creatures of the Night Contest

Player Comments

** This review has some spoilers in it. **

The writing at the start might have been a little snappier (and I wanted to edit in some commas so badly) was my first reaction, but as I read further, I think it's pretty clear that that was a stylistic choice, to make the set-up as prosaic as possible to contrast with what comes after.
Considering that, I think a page break after "it was going to be a good weekend" and suddenly waking up in a strange situation would help make that point. Same with the next time that happens to day two.

Anyway, choice structure. As far as I can tell, the first several choices seem to loop into just going to work. The phone calls with the police are a little funny, especially calling 911 for a missing watch, but feed back into the linear narrative so far. The third time I called the police, I really wanted the narrative to acknowledge that and call me out for constantly bothering them with nonsense--and then especially if I actually *go* to the police. Maybe I missed some custom text?

In terms of atmosphere, the story makes an interesting choice to show us the confusion and the panic rather than the horror for almost all of it, making it almost an investigation/suspense genre than horror--for example, the scene at the gas station with the talk of the hot dogs and soda feeds into looking up and seeing the moon!--and then immediately into aftermath from the point of view of a reporter when whatever happened happened. Similarly, in the scene in the cabins, the story chooses to linger more on the logistics of figuring out what's going on, and reconciling yourself to that situation than anything else. We could, for example, have had a bear fight in a cave with all of the action and gore, but this story plays it much quieter, much more cerebrally, which is interesting considering the subject matter. This story is much more were than wolf, and that was interesting. I enjoyed playing through it, thinking it was going to be horror, but getting something adjacent.
-- Gower on 9/11/2019 6:44:17 AM with a score of 0
First off, I want to say that I loved the look of the story. It isn't often that I come across that kind of scripting and I felt that it added to the atmosphere of the story.

The story is another survival horror fiction where the twist is that you aren't trying to survive being hunted, so much as you are trying to survive your own inner beasts. I thought that was an interesting take on this type of story and it's done fairly well. It has that feel of a classical CYOA book where it tells you to go forward to one page, then back to another. If you choose to explore the paths in depth, you'll find that one decision could take you from path A to path B to path C. Then while on path C, you change your mind or something happens and you end up back on path A again. Even with that in mind, there are still plenty of endings for you to explore, so it gives you a bit of incentive to try out every option because you can't be too sure where it might lead.

The writing, grammar, and punctuation are all fine. My biggest problem with this story is the pacing. The pacing throughout this story ranges from slow to moderate with it rarely, if ever, picking up beyond that. So I'm left feeling no sense of urgency in parts of the story where I think there definitely should be. And maybe I'm reading too much into this, but there's never any explanation or anything hinting the reason Drew even has this "Horror Inside." If he's an adult and hasn't had any problems until now, then it would have to mean that he just recently got this horror. But it just sort of...happens.

Overall, this is a good story and I think it's certainly worth a read. My final verdict is a 5/8.
-- Domitus on 11/30/2018 2:24:56 AM with a score of 0
Some spoilers in this review, duh.
An interesting interpretation of a werewolf type character. The formatting was also very unique and memorable, however, the use of third person was a little strange, and made it seem like the reader was a voice in the MC's head. While the use of third person did add a disconnect that added to the horror, it also distracted from the story. One final criticism I have is the character was sort of one-dimensional and had no real memorable qualities, he was just a stereotypical normal guy, doing normal guy things, while it is a nice shock that this bland guy could be a monster, it doesn't feel very realistic or personal.
-- Demon_Kitten on 1/4/2020 4:36:05 PM with a score of 0
I really like the plot line. A little jumbled up, though.
-- Pickles on 1/3/2020 6:49:57 AM with a score of 0
Good visuals, tempting wordplay and an ominous feel, fun for a quick romp!
-- Anon on 12/31/2019 1:36:18 AM with a score of 0
I like the 'Is he a wolf?" part of it. Too bad the ending I got didn't tell me anything :(
-- Theo on 12/22/2019 2:49:02 PM with a score of 0
Fun-sized werewolf story; tasty, but only for so long. Would reccommend for a snack.
Side-note, the random bloodsucker was anti-climactic, but a was a good barrier against some teen drama story.
-- Pancake the Eviscerator on 12/12/2019 1:40:03 PM with a score of 0
Why in 3rd person?
-- Geordie on 2/22/2019 7:08:49 AM with a score of 0
This was an interesting game.
-- Faervel on 2/3/2019 11:24:55 AM with a score of 0
Some grammar issues. Otherwise enjoyable.
-- Quorrah on 12/30/2018 9:35:15 AM with a score of 0
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