The Missing Kid

Player Rating1.49/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 17 ratings since
played times (finished )

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

Special notice:This story runs in episodes,how many depends,cliffhangers,Probably.Cliffhanger haters don't know.Hope you guys enjoy the story.Episode two will come soon.

The story is short and there aren't many choices but just...bare with me guy hope you guys enjoy it.A heads it's only three pages long.sorry I'll write more pages next time.

This story is a about a young boy who was presumed dead he meets a young woman named Kafe' he gives her a surprise attack has a war.Kafe's father was a very good man,and his partner was a very good friend.But his partner ends uo betraying him and shoots him.Leaving Kafe,and her Mother alone.Kafe's Mother broken her arm when she heard about the news of her husband and she gets released because she has no use will her arm was broken,she was given 500 dollar if she were to test facility drugs.The boy's parents are dead of their addiction.The mother died from liquor,and the glass stuck inside the body,along with cuts,and blood.The Father from a car accident getting ripped to pieces.

The main character(s):

Kafé Kinsman(Kah-fehy),Abel Hanzoman

Chief characters:

Samuel Grady,Officer Peter,Officer Quinn.

These two are the youngest officers in the LAPD.Kafe' was a thief at a young age she joined the LAPD to avenge her father.Samuel is twenty-one.Kafe' is one of the reckless one there are on the field.But a regular person out of work.Samuel has to tell her to calm down when she goes to far.Samuel's partner got killed the last time they was stopping a robbery(Kafe' was not there)His partner Frankie was shot and killed.

The chief thinks that Samuel should have a partner that won't slack off during the hours.That's when Kafe' becomes Samuel's new partner.The two do not get along,as if they were siblings that can't agree with each other,they'll learn to get along sooner,or later.Kafé' then meets a young kid that somehow got into her apartment and ambushes her.The history of this kid's is probably the last one to hold his family name.

Abel's family has secrets.Later in the story he will tell the rest the story.Kafe' will tell the first parts.But the next chapter and through out the story Abel will tell the story.

Good Luck!

Player Comments

"Episode two will come soon."

Please don't write episode two. At least, not if it looks exactly like episode one.

I have nothing positive to say here aside that you managed to write some length, and that something happened in the story, which is more than I say for some. I don't know what happened, however, because I couldn't actually read more than a page before hundreds of my brain cells withered away and died.

To prevent the tragedy of creating another of these appalling works of gargantuan suckitude, please have someone proof-read this first. Anyone. Show it to anyone else first. Your mum, your friend, some poor reviewer on this site, anyone. Let them tell you that it's 100% okay for the rest of the world to see before submitting it.

Don't show it to me, though. I'm not suffering through this again. Reading this makes me want to rewrite the whole thing so that it's at least legible.

At least put in spaces between your full stops and commas! I thought you had a formatting problem or something. This just gave me a headache. Again, please have someone look through your writing before you submit it.
-- Saika on 7/4/2017 9:11:35 AM with a score of 0
Attempted to actually sit down and read this line by line now and could not stop laughing. The 'job interview' on the first page alone, holy shit. I...I don't think being a police officer works the way the author thinks it does, for one thing. One of many things.

The author may also be really confused as to what drugs are, what they do, and how they work.

Anyway I highly recommend taking the time to work through this and really make an effort to process the ideas being expressed. It is incredibly rewarding. I'm almost tempted to up my rating now because we're going to lose a great treasure when this gets removed.

-- mizal on 7/4/2017 12:32:53 AM with a score of 0
Don't just ignore people's advice. This had the same flaws as the last story you posted but in larger quantity.

-- MinnieKing on 7/4/2017 12:26:43 AM with a score of 0
So the advice given on the last story was completely ignored I see.

This is an unreadable mess with barely any choices (and none that matter), and I question why it was even published when she's obviously aware of that and said so in the story. And the punctuation disaster is inexcusable either way. (I'd almost wonder whether she and MilleniumDawn were the same person...)

Rated one and moving on. Please stop wasting our time.

-- mizal on 7/3/2017 4:25:12 AM with a score of 0
For Pete's sake, please use correct grammar when writing. It's annoyingly strenuous to decifer what in the heck you're saying. Also, have at least one choice that leads to a diff rent outcome. This is a CYOA site after all. (Please note the C.)
-- WouldntItBeNice on 7/3/2017 12:28:25 AM with a score of 0
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