The Outbreak: Early Stages

Player Rating2.82/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 41 ratings since 07/22/2017
played 327 times (finished 51)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

The Outbreak: Early stages is the first game in the Outbreak series about a U.S. Lieutenant Colonel trying to prevent the disease from spreading but will he choose to fight for his country or escape to his family. The choice is yours to make. Any act will determine the fate of your squad.

 This is my first story on the site, so enjoy

Player Comments

Honestly, I find the zombie genre to be pretty played out these days, but you've got a decent number of choices here and I could tell you were enthusiastic about the subject matter, at least.

The main issues I have with this is that it feels very rushed (and looking at your join date of four days ago, it was) and I'm not sure if a 2000 word story really required a 'to be continued' as opposed to just...writing a longer story.

Taking the time to proof read this carefully for punctuation and grammatical errors (please see the Grammarly link in my profile for an explanation of writing dialogue, especially) and adding more details about the characters so that we care about when they die in the first place would go a long way toward improving this.

Also, the zombie outbreak apparently just happened in this one facility that's still being evacuated in the beginning, so I'm not sure how they had time to overrun an entire city. 45 miles away = about 15 hours at a brisk walking pace.

For dealing with a brand new outbreak, the protagonist seems surprisingly familiar with the various 'types' of zombies and their abilities as well. It adds to the sense of this being more like a stage in a video game to get through than a story with a plot that matters.
-- mizal on 7/22/2017 10:16:30 AM with a score of 0
Make the next story munch much longer. Stop looking over my shoulder while I write this Bingers!
-- 21rowcma on 8/18/2017 2:41:49 AM with a score of 0
I'm an absolute zombie fanatic and enjoyed this taste of what I hope is ongoing. It was well-written with only one grammatical error. It is a common mistake. Your should be you're, unless I'm mistaken, in which case I hope someone will correct me. Looking forward to more.
-- Weinerpuppy on 8/10/2017 4:10:09 PM with a score of 0
There is a significant lack of character development, there are people with names everywhere which you know nothing about. Every time a character dies it doesn't have an impact on me at all.
Also it is bland, by which I mean not really interesting. You go through it and pick a choice and it's either you die or you continue the story, either way not much of a game. You can't really tell which choice is logical some of the times and it just comes down to luck.
This didn't immerse me into the whole apocalypse thing.
Also, for some reason you seem to know everything about the zombies and all their different types, did we get educated on this before we went out to fight?
-- BlueMistane on 8/9/2017 12:48:51 PM with a score of 0
But it was good other than length and grammar, also I find it funny in a good way that if you escape the tank the lieutenant says screw this and leaves his squad behind lol.
-- corgi213 on 8/8/2017 2:37:57 AM with a score of 0
Would have been nice if part two was lumped in to finish the story.
-- corgi213 on 8/8/2017 2:35:26 AM with a score of 0
Crappy writing, grammar, and story.
-- jcury on 8/4/2017 5:37:54 AM with a score of 0
Some endings were too short, especially the "good ending." Also don't just send readers to the rating page, give a reason for why the character died.
-- Skinnyfatty on 7/25/2017 12:55:20 AM with a score of 0
Bingers, don't rate your own story an 8 btw. It's tacky and some people will see that and give you a lower rating to make up for it.
-- mizal on 7/23/2017 9:37:48 AM with a score of 0
You don't seem to have a grasp on the basic rules of grammar, which makes this story very hard to read. It also feels quite rushed, and is very short. The characters were red-shirts, and killing them opposed to saving them had no impact on the story whatsoever.

First and foremost, you should definitely have put more time and effort into this. I could tell that you enjoyed and probably had a lot of fun writing this story, which is great. But you should've explained more as to why the facility existed, what the cause of the outbreak was, instead being like, oh shit, zombies are here, killing everyone, and they have plenty of types!

You have potential, you know, just work on your grammar, figure it out, then rewrite this before you post a sequel.
-- RoyalGhost_007 on 7/22/2017 8:32:07 PM with a score of 0
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