wild wild west 2.0
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played 38 times (finished 9)
"run through the jungle"
"Not going to lose any sleep"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
A Prequal for my first story game The Wild Wild West, unchangeable word! A dangerous time in the ol' west, just at the beginning of the US civil war, you and your brother Billy embark on a dangerous adventure out over the west to track down outlaws! *Disclaimer* Seeming as I lost motivation for the story at 22 thousand words! The ending did not live up to the standards I wanted it to, but I will just have to make a better story another time. P.S I wrote most of this story in 2018 when I was 11 so don't expect top notch story writing. -Rattler :)
You don't have bad writing, you have a lot of potential. However, you have rushed the planning of this to the point this is not a choice of anything id basically follow a linear path with one or two aesthetic choices here and there. The intro is good but then the game became a plotless. linear experience about being conscripted that is not fun or serve anything in the plot.
Another problem is you didn't code the game objects in a logical way. If a noob that doesn't know how objects work and that you have the click in the icon to grab the object play this game, it will end stuck in with no choices as the reader doesn't havethe object the scene required. This fact can be solved really using a single line of code making the object go directly to the inventory. After being captured and released there are several scenes to choose that make the flow really really slow. It would be better just jump to epilogue
on 2/14/2020 5:17:53 PM with a score of 0
I was really impressed with the first few pages. Your pacing was nice, and although some of the words were misspelled and some of your sentences were a little wonky, I was very impressed that an eleven year old could write like that.
The premise was also interesting - The Great Plains during the Civil War? Doing missions for people in town? Getting enlisted? I was interested to see what you'd do with it. I wasn't looking for it to be historically accurate. There also seemed to be traits that you could increase. Needless to say, I was ready to be invested.
And then I was enlisted in the Confederate Army and sent to Arkansas. And the story started to fall apart from there.
I think I sort of lost track of what was happening, ending up killing a bunch of people, and it all was pretty linear. I kept blacking out a bunch and waking up near my town or in a kidnapping situation. (Sorry, mom.)
There are two endings, all decided on who you end up killing. At the end, I mean. Everyone else didn't really matter. Neither did that charm stat, apparently.
The spelling and formatting seemed to get worse too, with big text chunks that were sometimes separated and sometimes not.
Ultimately rating this a 3, but I liked your premise and the first few pages were engaging. If it was a little bit more readable/coherent in the end, I'd rate it higher. Still, this is pretty good for your second story game! I hope to see more from you.
on 2/14/2020 9:56:33 AM with a score of 0
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