Player Comments on >DEVOTION

This was a very interesting storygame. It was quite short, true, but I felt that it didn't need to be much longer - I was able to understand the world and the characters with very little difficulty.

A world being ruled by robots and all humans dead or gone is a fairly common theme in science fiction, but I thought the reveal of what happened to the humans was handled really well. It wasn't immediately obvious what had happened to humans, even when their remains were brought out at the end of one of the paths.

I would have liked a bit more information about the project, as even after exploring all the paths, it wasn't very clear exactly what the project was meant to be about, and I would have liked a bit more detail about why the 'brains' of the robots were so crucial to what was going on.

It was good to have the opportunity to rebel against the order, as well as just to follow along blindly. The rebellion made sense with the personality established with the player character...or what passed as the personality, in any case. I do think there were areas the storygame could have been expanded a little bit. While some of the endings made sense to finish where they did, a few of them could have continued and given more details of the world and the characters. Perhaps even an ending where the player character sees the project through to its completion?

I did like the arena scene at the beginning, and how one choice could change the outcome so drastically, but I had a bit of trouble understanding why the arena existed in the first place. It was obviously important to get the brain, so I did get that part...but I would have liked a bit more background to how the arena started.

Even so, I did enjoy this storygame and it was definitely a nice glimpse into a completely different world ruled by robots instead of humans. I would definitely recommend giving this storygame a chance if you haven't read it yet.

If you, the reader, are undecided on whether or not to read this, go for it! It contains many interesting ideas, the writing is, for the most part, efficient and well done, and the story is not that long. If you want to know the whole story, you should go back and read through every option.


Spoilers ahead.
The world building is interesting. Having a robot honor and society system based on the worship of humans is a good way of characterizing said robot society, and works as an effective way to differentiate these robots from the rest of popular culture’s pre-existing interpretations. By that, I mean it tells us that these robots act far more like humans than an unfeeling logic machine. More Wall-e than The Terminator.


The story is great at establishing questions in certain routes, then providing the answers for them in others. For example, in the “CIRCLE” route, you learn that soldiers/security are “slaughtering workers en masse”, but in the “TRIBUTE” route, you are given the why behind it, that being the need for more resources in response to the solar flares getting worse than previously planned. I, for one, went down the “CIRCLE” path first, and seeing how unfair the punishment was for such a small mistake, I chose to rebel. But when I went on the “TRIBUTE” path, I chose to sacrifice myself. What you learn recontextualizes how you feel about the decisions you have to make.

But the story can also be a bit rough to get into. Going down the “CIRCLE” route first, you have the not-yet-explained “The Project” thrown at you. Having something you don’t know about and won’t be told of until after you go back to other routes, acting as a major part of said route is disorientating the first time you read it.


The individual characters consist mainly of just you and the Administrator. Seeing that the focus of the story revolves around learning as much as you can about the world, and having your character make decisions about that information, the lack of any strong characters can be overlooked in favor of the plot.


The writing is mostly good, though I take issue with the “STRIKE” page. It has a whole paragraph showing that you’re losing the fight, but then there’s one sentence with you activating your beamblade, and then you’ve won, with the follow up description: “The truth is, he never had a chance.”. If he never had a chance, then why is there a lengthy description of how he clearly had a chance? It feels too sudden and gives off narrative dissonance. If I were to rewrite this paragraph, I would change it to a description of how your strike was super effective, that your opponent is clearly inexperienced, and make it revolve around you toying with him for the maximum amusement of the audience, only then ending it with your victory.

The font being different is a nice touch, for it adds to the feel of being a robot.


Overall, I would call this story a welcome addition to the subgenre of sci-fi robots.

It was difficult to decide how to rate this, I decided to take into account the rules of the contest for which it was written. One must read through every page to get a handle on the setting. Fortunately, doing so is a pleasure, takes very little time, and is worth the effort. First, the editing is impeccable, and secondly, the writing is free of overly familiar phrases. The style is practiced and creative. The passage demonstrates admirable description within ultra concise passages.

One of the consequences of scavenging for every word is a somewhat unnatural sentence structure and occasionally choppy flow. The author partially conceals this by matching the writing tone to the setting. I doubt if there is really enough content here to satisfy the gawking rabble, but the morsels harvestable from this regrettably short glance into a dystopian colony are intriguing. The clever culture notes and a fragmented history elevate this tiny tale into something slightly larger than its humble packaging might otherwise suggest.

When it comes to mizal's writing, I'm always surprised by how many different genres she has a grasp on. This one in particular is no different, I would say. The quality that
s present in this story, remains consistent all throughout every page that is present in this story-game.

I feel as through the use of a different sort of font, than what some would consider the standard, and the tone and dialogue choices, certainly makes one feel as if they're a machine. Such a thing gives this story a bit of a unique flair and feel to quite a fair amount of stories that are on this site.

Although this is a short, it also done well. A story-game being done well is something that I personally feel to be of the up most importance when all is said and done.

>DEVOTION,

it does just that.

I have no clue just happened.

Short but well put together,I'd say a good little story

***DISCLAIMER*** to the author, It should first be stated, that you should NOT take anything i say with a grain of salt. Everything i say i mean, and i mean it with my chest puffed out, so, take everything i say to heart. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

First Impressions:

It was very short, and when i first read through one of the paths, i kind of went "is that it?". Obviously a but unsatisfied i went back and decided to try other routes, what was pretty cool about this story is that you can read an entire route, and only get a glimpse of what is going on, or just one aspect. Yet with the more routes you read, the whole story slowly reveals itself, which I think actually landed itself in its favour. It was a cool touch.

The most interesting character was definitely the Administrator, in this story, the robots idolise the humans so much, that they're ultimate goal is to BECOME human, or as close to human as can be.

Writing style:

The writing style was definitely a cool touch! as others have stated in their own reviews, I couldn't help but go "buzz buzz" or read the words in a robotic voice in my head as i was going through it. Which shows how effective the font was. Outside of that, its a bit simplistic from what I know Mizal can and does do in her other stories, especially horns and hooves. Obviously this was for a contest, so that's to be expected.

Worldbuilding:

Worldbuilding is actually surprisingly good for such a short story! If you go through all of the routes, you get a good general ideal of what is actually going on, and its a cool narrative, just maybe a bit simplistic, but in how underdeveloped it was due to the shortness and brevity of it.

Overall:

Its a good short story! Mizal is definitely capable of better though. Its a REALLY cool and unique concept. I would love it Mizal decided to flesh a story like this out, where instead of just being told vaguely what happens in an epilogue such as (you joined the rebellion the end), but actually fleshed out the war against the administrator to create some sort of robot epic. I think she would have the potential for an 8/8 story here.

Overall id probably give it a 5 0r a 6, but I'm fond of Mizal, so ill round up and give it a 6.

This really reminded me of my favorite book called the "Wild Robot". I enjoyed it greatly.

This was fun: I liked the original way it was written and, though quite short, the writing was very smooth, easy to read and the story branched out well. A nice little story.

Now I have shared a few moments with a robot gladiator on a lost colony. Cool!
For a short-short story this was great. Written for people with short attention spans? :)

im a robot? a cyborg? no im superman

This.... was..... let's just say, you should treat it like acid.... the kind of acid that burns your skin off.

Just a little too short

All in all >DEVOTION is a wonderful snack that fills you up like a five course meal!
Every little choice plays such a big impact that takes the story on wildly different adventures with each play through feeling almost independent from each and getting through all of the choices you see a major story outlining the mechanical world outside of the Arena... I also love the font it so fitting to the story.

The typesetting itself shapes the game entirely different from how I'd normally read a storygame on here, so props for the adherence to that Sci-Fi atmosphere. The writing here is dense and digestible, but the vocabulary isn't too obtuse to understand. I'd have formatted the combat and descriptive scenes to have more spaces for even easier readability, but readers who are more used to larger blocks of paragraph writing should have little trouble with it.

As echoed by other sentiments, the writing and premise here is good enough to warrant a more flesh-out iteration. Good work.

it was good

The action pacing was a bit jittery. It's difficult to get an appropriate sense of time in writing fast-paced action. The key is a careful balance of detail to match the slow down.

Wow! I love this game! So epic although I wish it was a bajillion pages longer, I just love Mizal's stories so much!!!

Good game

I really like how the writing slowly reveals the world of this story and fleshes out the POV character! And who doesn't love post-apocalyptic robots?

I'm into it.

I wish it was longer.

Quite a good story considering it's length(tiny-topia). Substantial information, and great robotics!

Good start. Hopefully it gets longer.

Short but well written, I liked how the characters acted and the world was built.

This was really fun to read and pretty cool. I liked having to go through multiple options to get the lore and background story instead of having it dumped onto a single page or something.

Got the rebellion ending first which was cool. Although Im sure like many branches that ended terribly for our robot protagonist.

Really cool, bruh

Made me like robots even more. The story felt complete under 2000 words, which I imagine is quite the feat. I found the >DEVOTION to humans very endearing, even if it was abused by the administrator. Would still love to see a robot revolution with WALL-E as the leader. I guess my imagination will have to suffice, or maybe I'll go re-watch the movie. :P

This is a short story about a machine hell in what was a human heaven. Follow the footsteps of a robot gladiator as he follows or doesn't follow the directions of the most human robot on the planet.

At first, I was put off by the font, questioning why on hell you would put so much pain and effort into getting something objectively worse to work. Must be some weird artsy thing, I thought. I mindlessly read through, thought the spectators were weird sounding, thought the loading bot was some sort of testing dummy for an obviously martial society, and thought the POV had some sort of war paint on. Weird choices too, with the > making me think of something, while not quite being able to put my finger on what.

Then it dawned on me. Damn, I was stupid. I suddenly liked the font and the >choices, so good job on that.

I liked how you fleshed the world out, refraining on putting much information on the main branch, while still rewarding death-choices with information. But I didn’t like how to ending choice >repair ended without any closure. I get why you did it, 2k really isn’t a lot, but it still feels off to let the story end like that.

I also enjoyed how you portrayed the machines, making them feel artificially human. It’s just enough to be able to empathize, while still making them feel distinctly different. I think that damn font helped a lot in that regard, so good job on that pain and effort.

It's a short game dye to the theme, but contains a surprisingly developed world and an intriguing main character. Each of the paths adds details to the robotic civilization and the rules and heirarchy if the world.

There was a slight melancholy, longing for purpose, and hint of quirkiness to the main character which I liked.

I really enjoyed this. The beginning parts really gave me that feeling you get when watching a good movie with an apocalyptic theme or a book in the same respect. It gave me many questions and was a story that I found was able to answer those questions when I'd thought about it or had gotten far enough. All around a great read and a great atmosphere.