9/21/2024

10/8/2024 9:54 PM

9

0

0 wins / 0 losses

Warden

You have to add it to your pictures in the "My Stuff" tab first.

I'm excited to read those memory pages if you add them, would definitely add more depth to the purge command. By setting the tone, I did mean expressing the urgency of the deadline. It could also be a point in the right direction for someone trying to get to the best ending, especially if a player feels trapped in a loop and doesn't quite know what they're doing. I feel it would allow them to move on to trying other things.

I took a glance at it, the first thing that caught my attention is that the link to the "What to do from here?" page is "Do something something else..." I also feel as if there's an overuse of ellipsis, and the onomatopoeia at the beginning of each loop is a bit off-putting. On the "What are these brain blackouts?" page in the fourth paragraph it should be a "--" on either side because you're using em dashes like commas. You did it with the other example on that page, so you should keep it consistent. On a few other pages I also noticed this, so it might be best to look over the whole thing and stick to either single dashes or double dashes. I even feel like you might be overusing them? I see at least one on each page and it takes away from the impact to some degree, but that's a nitpick. The questions at the beginning also provide a bit of an info dump, which my eyes kept glazing over. Although it is more of a puzzle game than a story, perhaps you could put a bit of story-based exposition at the beginning so we can get some knowledge of the world building and our narrator. How exactly is AI leading to the world's demise? And how would this Natural MI help? This is my personal opinion, but I don't think the helmet needs more explanation than its function? Of course it's not like you shouldn't provide it, but in a more subtle way would be easier for the reader to take in. The fork concept is fun, it reminds me of SOMA. I also feel like it could be more of a subtle delivery, but I don't mind it being known from the start. I want to see a bit more writing on each page. There's a story, but the more direct telling doesn't make me feel bad that the narrator is getting cheated on. More emotional investment would raise the stakes, and I feel it'd be interesting if there was a page that set the tone halfway or two-thirds into each route. The time limit doesn't feel like much of a time limit. And I wish you didn't directly state which endings were bad, and instead showed it through some longer segments of prose. The game really picks up in the second act, the formatting and usage of items is quite fun. I feel like there's an opportunity for more development in the "memories" you can replay. Each option just directs to the same page. I purged everything and felt nothing, but that may be because I'm an unfeeling bitch. My final thoughts, keep it up! It's pretty entertaining and challenging to click through, and giving the reader more reasons to care couldn't hurt.

It would definitely become a mess. I'm much happier knowing I can drop an occasional poetry thread.

Hint: If you hear your conscience, it belongs to you and no one else. If you feel guilty, just write. You got this.

I guess I’ll drive back!

I've been thinking of which of my numerous poems to put up to the masses, so I decided I would just stick my recent class mandated poem here. I have a lot more (notable mention: Punk Cowboying, also gay) that I might put somewhere, would it be better all in one thread? If so, I'll use this one! Et Merda. MET your statues, I hated them apollonia’s head left behind you certainly love your martyrs. no need to apologize, blame the earth the sunscreen, the skin cells fallopian park trails, clenched tight the walls let me explore your memorial, let me pray let me wake her still, the depths of sylvian, her glands overflowing, amniotic, if my love allows left no orifice unplundered we should not have taken from that spring, leon. drunken, dizzy, wandering, slurred, aren’t slurs normal in the modern age? shove it up your ass like a bundle of sticks and admit you liked that glance you snuck at the urinals didn’t you short haired little girl those shoes don’t quite fit you yet and you’re a disgusting man if you touch yourself down there and no i don’t want to say the word anus. listen Sons, Daughters, I’m sorry you felt that way about your peers I told them just as I told you to strike first and sneer before that

I'm in. I need a bit more of a push to work on my current story.

I finally decided to suck it up and make an account here after lurking for a bit. I'm excited to write, and to finally be able to leave reviews on stories. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and feel free to send some blunt motivation my way!