Second story with help from an friend

Please have mercy on me!This is a short story .This is also my first story.I Hope you like it and don't feel like you cant give me any criticism because i am open to any improvements.Thank you for choosing my game!

You are male/female and live in a strange little town called Eaveswood.
It is an ordinary day, the winters air is soft, the clouds are a amazing white. your best friend has just given you two tickets to see your favorite band at a concert! And...It's your birthday!congratulations! you are officially 17!Knock em dead in your new year of obnoxious, drink driving stupidity!

Hey guys this is a direct message from del! How 're you doing? Post in the comments how your day was going and if you liked the game. If you didn't then please post a sad face because your comments can really hurt my feelings sometimes. This is my FIRST game EVER!!! please be honest with me , but don't be so harsh that I will quit this website...:( ! I'm just joking! I will continue to laden your day with in-correct , bad grammared, appalling, horrendous storylines and am not afraid to say so!
By the way if any 17 year olds read this and go " Whattt?!" then don't blame me because I am not your age! Okay?
Anyway, see you guys in the comments.

You are Freddy Coleman ,17,and you have just been suspended from school.You think it wise to avoid telling Mom.Mr.barker was being totally unfair when he suspended you.Life is sooooooooooo unfair.Yor Mom will defiantly freak out about this.You don't even want to think how your drunk,unemployed,fat,penniless,hopeless,worthless and not to mention unhygienic Step-dad will do about this.Probably nothing too bad.Slap around the head and then back to bed is the normal routine.Life is such a downer.but when the neighbors move out and new ones come in.Freddy might just find his shining star.That decision is up to you.

Sorry for bad grammar but my English is not too good.I hope you enjoy the story,it is my first one and hope not to be my last as well.Please be brutally honest with me in the comments so I ,and my friends,can improve.

Please comment on the game so i know what to do better in my next game.I thank JamesValkyrie and bookmonkey for commenting on my last game,Cheating?