Gonna do a review of this.
"Lillian, I have a confession for you," said Jack.
I can tell this is gonna be fun.
Lillian looked at Jack solemnly and said, "What do you mean Jack?" Jack replied with, "Well it's just that, oh never mind"
That's... uh... I think that last sentence was a bit odd. I think that maybe three dots would be more appropriate then a comma.
"Jack, you can tell me anything. We're best friends," Lillian said. Jack took a deep breath and said, "Well, I was staring through your window last night, and I saw the way your boobs shined in the moonlight." Jack's face became more and more sadistic.
The fuck? That escalated quickly... these characters personalitites change in ten seconds, Jack was all shy a moment ago and now he seems to be a rapist.
Lillian frightfully replied with "JACK, NO! I DON'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY!" "That's a pity, Jack said, "I've always had a bit of a crush on you" Jack suddenly grabbed Lillian and threw her against the wall. He had planned for this for 5 years, ever since they had met at college.
Dear lord. First off, you forgot a quotation mark, and this seems more then a "bit of a crush," since he's in the process of raping his "best friend." Unless of course Jack is illogical and insane like the rest of this story.
He threw her on the bed and tied her hands to the bed frame up with two pieces of rope. He then whipped out his penis and began to rape her. She screamed loudly as there was no hope for her. She was trapped. But then, Jack went to go get a sandwich.
I think Lillian would have at least some way of fighting back before he tied her hands to the bed, and she could still kick him couldn't she? Also, Jack is the stupidest person ever, who rapes their best friend and goes, "i'm gonna leave them there and go make a sandwich?"
Now was the time for her escape. She grabbed a baseball bat and she charged downstairs.
I thought she was tied? And he just happens to have a baseball bat in his room? Ok then.
But then, she felt the cold blade of Jack's knife hit her stomach. She felt as her intestines poured out and she fell. Jack took her and confirmed the kill by slitting her throat in a wide red smile. After throwing a dead Lillian to the floor, he took out his spare (just in case) Magnum .44.
I don't know how she could be this guys best friend for five years without knowing what a rapist he is. And how the fuck does she not notice that he has in his house, a baseball bat, rope, and a Magnum .44?
He put the barrel to his temple, and he pulled the trigger. When the police got there, they could only find one one body on the scene, the body of Jack Hunter. When a police officer found a note that laid out a plan in order to rape Lillian Pollovic, they immediately called a search. But the results didn't come up what they would have thought. After careful forensic examination they have confirmed that there was no such person as Lillian Pollovic.
I really cannot think of a more cliche ending then this.
That was fun. Not. 2/10, critics are not raving.
Not to mention there's just a wall of text and it's not split into paragraphs.