WatchNon-threaded

Forums » Creative Corner » Read Thread

Share your short stories, poems, collaborative works, original artwork and more.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

This week's prompt is the villanelle form, as suggested by Orange.

Villanelle's are 19 line poems, that consist of 6 stanzas. the first five stanzas are of three lines each(a tercet) and the last stanza is of four lines(a quatrain). Rhyme scheme followed is ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABAA.

Following these points should be relatively simple, but here comes in the characteristic feature of villanelles, namely the repeating lines(refrains). Since villanelles are more or less a hybrid between a song and a poem, this feature could be considered the characteristic that gives them this hybrid form. 

The first line of the first stanza serves as the last line of the second and fourth stanzas, and the third line of the first stanza serves as the last line of the third and fifth stanzas.

To make that more comprehensible :-

Line 1  (A)

Line 2  (B)

Line 3  (A)

 

Line 4  (A)

Line 5  (B)

Line 1  (A) 

 

Line 6 (A)

Line 7 (B)

Line 3 (A)

 

Line 8 (A)

Line 9 (B)

Line 1 (A)

 

Line 10 (A)

Line 11 (B)

Line 3   (A)

 

Line 12 (A)

Line 13 (B)

Line 14 (A)

Line 15 (A)

 

So, in other words, lines 1 and 3 are the refrain lines. 

As for the meter part, villanelles have no standard meter, but I would suggest you to take one type of meter and stick with it throughout the poem, rather than making the meter of each line different, since that would just lead to incoherency. Villanelle's are supposed to be similar to a song in terms of rhythm and meter, so just try and make your villanelle pleasing to the ear, (i.e. without any abrupt and sudden changes in meter, just like how a standard song is) and you'll be all set!

Due to strong likeness with songs, villanelle's are particularly useful in poems which express emotions, especially those related to obsession like love, hate, etc. so since the theme based on a villain, your poem should be filled with hatred and descriptions of the villain showing them as putrid filth!! Either that, or you could show a feeling of sympathy for them, provide them a glimmer of hope, or you could simply love evil and hence fall in love and be full of burning desire for their evil! In other words, try to express a strong emotion towards the villain you will choose for your poem.

Happy writing!

Tl;dr

Prompt: A villanelle focused on a villain.

Example:

 

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell’s fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan’s men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you’d return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

Sylvia Plath

(Note that the rhyme scheme to be followed is: ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABBA)

(And with positions of refrains: A1bA2 abA1 abA2 abA1 abA2 abA1A2)

 

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

@Gower @Ozoni @Mayana @Orange @Austinc @ninjapitka @IsentinelPenguin @Fiscean-Chef@The_Broken_God  @TharaApples @C6H8O6 @Cupcakitty_13

Points list:

Gower: 16 

Ozoni: 8

Mayana: 4

Orange: 11

Austinc: 8

IPenguin:4

Fiscean: 8

Broken god: 12

Thara:4

Cricket:5

Ninja: 9

Me: 14

Cupcake: 4

C6H8: 4

Follow this template. The one in the opening message has an error.

 

Line 1  (A)

Line 2  (B)

Line 3  (A)

 

Line 4  (A)

Line 5  (B)

Line 1  (A) 

 

Line 6 (A)

Line 7 (B)

Line 3 (A)

 

Line 8 (A)

Line 9 (B)

Line 1 (A)

 

Line 10 (A)

Line 11 (B)

Line 3   (A)

 

Line 12 (A)

Line 13 (B)

Line 1 (A)

Line 3 (A)

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

For most the semester you did fine

But you've been flagged right here on Turnitin

You bought your research paper from online

 

Your average was approaching eighty-nine

It seemed the dean's list you would surely win

For, most of the semester, you did fine.

 

Your elevated diction was the sign

You'd sinned the cardinal academic sin:

You bought your research paper from online!

 

Now I am going to have to hear you whine

And listen to you sweat and lie and spin

"But most of the semester I did fine!"

 

You say it wasn't really by design?

It wasn't you?  It must have been your twin

who bought your research paper from online?

 

A chance to resubmit?  I must decline!

You may as well just chuck it in the bin.

While most of the semester you did fine--

You bought your research paper from online.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Lol, Turnitin is the real villain. I hated using it! I like the slight differences with the "fine" line. Keeps it from getting too repetitive. 

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

I like the iambic meter used, alternative shifts from nonameter to octameter gives a nice rhythm and flow to the poem. The slight changes in the refrains made a lot of logical sense context wise, and didn’t seem to interfere with the overall meter. As for the context, I’m sure every college student can relate to the helpless feeling of despair when caught red-handed committing plagiarism. So, the emotion shown in the poem by the professor, is clearly visible. 

Good poem, there was nothing I could find worthy of criticism. 5 points!

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

So line 14 & 15 can be the same as 1 & 3? They just don't have to be the same?

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Do you mean lines 18 and 19 are the same as 1 and 3--that's right.  (with small allowable variations, of course)

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Err, yeah 18 and 19. Was referencing from Shoujo's template. Thanks.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Ah yeah! Damn I forgot to change 14 and 15 to 1 and 3. Yes line 14 and line 15(in my template) should be similar to line 1 and line 3.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

This has some ENDGAME spoilers in it.

 

They say that a god has never bled

We fought hard, but the war ended in defeat

Now half of the population’s dead

 

The universe fills up with dread

As everyone stopped to weep

What if this god bled?

 

We found him, and aimed for the head

But our hope began to fleet

Half of the population is still dead

 

Not knowing what to do, the past is where we fled

Hoping that we could use time to cheat

But this time’s god has never bled

 

“We won’t give up,” is what we said

We took the past’s purple guy, and made mincemeat

Is half of the population dead?

 

And while some good men looked to the sky and fled

We somehow accomplished an impossible feat

And finally proved that all gods bled

And now half of the population isn’t dead

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

I just made this. The meter is probably off, but it’s really late.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Cool transition between the repeating lines. Meter in a few lines is a bit too long which breaks up the synchrony. Other than that, idk why but it just felt a bit too simple. Like, I didn’t get the emotional vibes from the poem, or any strong feelings towards the villain. It just sort of felt bland. I think this just might be me, but a little bit crafty use of words could have given this a nice extra touch, so to speak.

Also, this particular villanelle didn’t sound like a song, but rather like a poem for me when read out loud. Maybe it’s something to do with the rhythm, or number of syllables used but I couldn’t see a sense of harmony. That’s okay though, it could be a style thing.

The poem is simple, gets the point across with a little playing around with the lines and stanzas; but could’ve been better if there was emotion in it. Good attempt! 4 points.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Was it a joke or a hand that tickled me?

I learned family values from his TV show,

There has never been a man like Bill Cosby,

 

He had a few drinks with a girl who hardly,

Remembers last night and lost a stiletto,

Was it a joke or a hand that tickled me?

 

Date night with Bill has a single guarantee,

You’ll wake with a sore bum and taste of mayo,

There has never been a man like Bill Cosby,

 

He is Moses and your legs are the Red Sea,

Your no means nothing as if you’re the Pharaoh,

Was it a joke or a hand that tickled me?

 

Jessica, Elizabeth, Maddie, Ashley,

Are just a few names in his portfolio,

There has never been a man like Bill Cosby,

 

America’s Dad went on a rapey spree,

The spike in your drink was more than placebo,

Was it a joke or his hand that tickled me?

There has never been a man like Bill Cosby.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

The meter of the poem seems to be, more or less freeform at first glance; but I notice slight patterns of similarities which gives it a sense of flow and rhythm. Each stanza feels complete and in rhythm in itself, but when comparing the stanzas as a whole with each other, there are very slight differences, which kinda adds a unique, creative taste to the rhythm.

As for the context, well I personally always thought Bill Cosby was framed or something, but when he was legally imprisoned, I was really shocked. The poem manages to clearly put forth the emotion that a fan felt upon knowing the true nature of Bill Cosby. Love the creative use of metaphors here, and the hidden meaning hiding in plain sight of some lines.

I enjoyed it, 5 points! 

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

The villain inside me.

 

I trusted you with my life, 

Body, mind, soul; all in your hands,

Never fathomed you as my strife, 

 

Fireflies, a light of hope in this accursed night,

Crushed, without remorse, by your hands,

I trusted you with my life, 

 

Died, in peace I was, in this accursed night, 

Tortured, denied peace, awoken, by your hands,

Never fathomed you as my strife,

 

Curios, to know about you, was I,

Searched, shocked, realised that those were my hands!

I trusted myself with my life!

 

Mirror, a reflection of you, and of mine,

In the same body, with the same hands!

Never fathomed myself as my strife!

 

They call it schizophrenia, this case of you and I, 

But why? Why would I with my hands?

If you trusted me with your life...

Why would I fathom your strife?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Will review later in detail, but 4 points.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

After writing another one after my last on did not meet the prompt I think this one does

—————

I sit here on my throne of glory on top

Enemies slaughtered, now i'm here in my lair

Even though I have won, why do I feel like slop

 

Riches and glory and everything atop

The parades and people worshiping me everywhere

I sit here on my throne of glory on top

 

Screaming and yelling, begging me to stop

People dying, with no hope of care

Even though I’ve won, why do I feel like slop

 

Luxury and comfort, on these opportunities I flop

Servants to fan me, as I eat a pair

I sit here on my throne of glory on top

 

Innocent’s dreams, these I all pop

How is this my right, how can I dare

Even though I’ve won, why do I feel like slop

 

I can not rest, these comforts I drop

Such injustice, yes life is not fair

I sit here on my throne of goly on top

Even though I’ve one, why do I feel like slop

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago
I'm starting to realize you're really emo, man.
What killed you inside?

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

The emotion expressed in the poem is nice, it comes strong and uses the villanelle form to its full potential. The narrative comes out as the poet being some sort of warlord who won over a kingdom but committed many war crimes, but it could hold a symbolic value for some sort in of personality or moral. This adds a deeper meaning to it.

As for the meter, it kinda feels like a few lines are just out of place, but it’s not major. Yet it feels to simple, which isn’t a bad thing. Very minimal use of figures of speech here, but the emotion of the words covers for it.

A nice, unique and emotionally strong poem here. 5 points! 

Man, seems like everyone in the thread is being tremendously successful at villanelles!

 

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Thanks, the reason I used minimal figurative language is because on the one I wrote that did not use the prompt it was such vague figurative language that Grover could not figure it out. Also for the lines with with the glory on top last line I used good things and the slop one I used bad things and in the final stanza I tried to convay acceptance.Also thinking of 5 and 6 words to rhyme and put into place is hard, was not excepting 5 points

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Things're looking pretty dry, so I'm gonna hijack a little.

Telemachus
Lonely footsteps in silent hallways,
The only killer of the dead's sleep.
Half machines broken breaths
Holding off any chance for peace.
A loving hold cannot hide
The crimson tubes from young eyes:
Twisted reminders of ticking time,
The feeding serpents remain in mind.
Little is said, all heard.
Old anecdotes, eulogies
For those interned.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

I like the style of the poem. Small, short lines that each convey a little fact or message. The meter follows a sort of descending order in terms of syllables which is really cool and unique in rhythm. I’m guessing that this is a poem about a post apocalyptic world where the machines took over humanity and humans went extinct? And this is, as the poem says, a eulogy for those who were imprisoned and executed?

Most of your poems have a cryptic feel to it, ozoni. Like, one can interpret them in multiple ways. 

I’m not giving points to this, since it isn’t the prompt, but I liked it overall.

 

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

It's about dying people in a hospital xD. But I guess that's another way of looking at it.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

You can rate mine at the top though.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Wow yours in 10 days old. Surprised he hasn’t yet

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

Aw shit! I missed it lol.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago
I haven't read most of the Odyssey. Why did you name this Telemachus?

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago

I was trying to think of a name, and one of my mates said it ‘felt’ like the scene where Telemachus and Odysseus kill the suitors. I didn’t exactly intend on that either - I guess it did come off as pretty vague - but went along with it ‘cos Telemachus is a very nice sounding name and I couldn’t come up with something else. Not great with titles, so I’m willing to scrounge inspiration where I can find it lol.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

3 years ago
Ah, nice. It does sound cool, yes.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

2 years ago

Late? Yes, very. Now I remember why I didn't participate in this week's contest - coming up with this took me an hour and a half, and it isn't nearly as smooth as the other ones! If Castor has chosen this poem type, I would have lost for sure.

The horrors of the night concealed by snow,
Nobody was wiser; nobody knew!
And I, none the wiser, strung my bow.

The battle has started, and the wind began to blow,
As both sides fought, a storm began to brew,
And the horrors of the night; concealed by snow.

The casualties of tonight, nobody would know,
As the quantity of the screaming rapidly grew,
But me, still healthy, I fired my bow.

As the symptoms of the cold would start to show,
Our comrades’ numbers dropped down to few;
Oh, the horrors of the night concealed by snow.

The odds against us, hit by all nature had to throw,
I slowly witnessed the death of the last man in my crew.
With nothing left to lose, I fired my bow.

It wasn’t long after that I felt my own blood flow,
Having been struck by a bolt that flew,
The horrors of the night concealed by the snow,
I finally collapse, and I drop my bow.

Poetry prompt: Week 15

2 years ago

Fuck, I  sincerely apologise @Fiscean Chef for not noticing this! This, this is very good. Amazing meter, amazing rhythm, amazing context. I could literally feel a shiver when I read the last lines! Wise use of the repeating lines and superb imagery. I must say, those hours you spent were worth it! Man you should probably frame this and keep it as a memento.

Undoubtedly 5 points.

 

Poetry prompt: Week 15

2 years ago

I know it’s late but shoujo said no time limit and I wanted to try poetry for once

 

I feel lucky

The chips are down

I have to win, or get run out of town

 

They ask the last I’ve won?

Been ten years, or maybe more

But today, my luck has changed

 

Again, I make a grand gamble

The cards flip, the dice roll

I have to win, or get run out of town

 

I don’t care what the people say

I have a bit left, I’m going all in

I feel it, my luck has changed

 

Did I make a mistake? 

Have I gone too far?

I have to win, or get run out of town

 

I shout in jubilee, the cash pile is mine!

I’ll risk it some more! I have until nine

It took so long, my luck has changed

I have to win, or get run out of town

Poetry prompt: Week 15

2 years ago

I’ll first start with the context, premise is good and although a wee bit generic, there’s a good touch of creativity. I think this could’ve been a good poem if it was executed properly though.

The meter is very erratic, not only of each stanza, but also of each individual line. Poetry is a lot more than just finding the right rhyming words, and putting them together. The rhythm you followed in the first stanza, i.e. short, longer and long; if followed throughout the poem would’ve made it consistent. But instead, the second stanza, jumps to using the next three lines having the same length in rhythm. Each stanza following this, has a new rhythm to its lines. This is not good, especially in a form of poetry related to songs like the villianelle. When writing a villianelle, try and attempt to sing it along with the lines. In fact, there should be harmony in any poetry form, even freestyle form shows  consistency and some resemblance of using a definite meter.

This is an easily solved problem, learn about meters and how to structure a poem so that it sounds harmonious. Refer to this link:

https://www.creative-writing-now.com/poetry-meter.html

If you try to structure this poem here, I’m sure it’ll be a good piece of poetry; since the context was nice, but the execution of that context needs improvement.