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Bezro
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Watching the Moon
2 months ago
Wrote some more late night poetry, would appreciate any feedback.
Watching the Moon
I watch the moon
They call my name from beyond the dark
Tempting me to look away from the glowing arc
Yet I watch the moon
Sand pelts my back in a swirling attack
Trying to get me to look back
Yet I watch the moon
I stare all night
Never averting my sight
As I dedicate to its light
The moon just watches me
Mizal
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Watching the Moon
2 months ago
The second to last line reads a little awkwardly, something like "Dedicated to its light" might flow better.
I really don't know enough about poetry to comment in much detail otherwise. But I've definitely seen worse here.
Blaire_Comstock
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Watching the Moon
2 months ago
I don’t really see anything
wrong
with the poem, but I’m kinda lost on the symbolism. Like I get that ‘sand pelts my back in a swirling attack’ means something, but I just can’t figure out what you're trying to say.
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