For the first time ever, I'm going to show a section of a page I wrote. Only because it is supposed to be a powerful scene in the story and I want it to be as good as possible so I encourage you to critique it and also ask questions for some backround information. The setting is a forest, close to sunset, and you and your fellow survivor, Larry, have encountered a looter next to a dead gravewalker (zombie) and dead deer on the ground. (You'd have to read up to this point to see why)
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Open the bag," she says to Larry. Not taking any chances, he pulls his backpack up to his waist and begins to unzip it while still cramped in the chokehold. He stares at you the whole time. You cannot move, as the woman has her eyes on you aswell. For a second you spot a shift of movement in the corner of your eye from behind the two of them. The spot where the deer and gravewalker lay dead. Or so you thought.
Now focused on it, you realize the supposedly killed grave is still moving slightly. You watch as it gets more and more awake. "You better have food in there," the woman declares.
"We don't," Larry responds boldly, now quite annoyed.
"Now that's not what I wanted to hear..." The grave slowly gets up, now standing about two meters away from them. You see its cat-like pupils shift from brown to red in a blink as it suddenly notices them.
"Larry! Duck!," you shout just before the grave snatches ahold of the woman letting out its infamous, vicious growls. In panic, she frees Larry of his chokehold and he immediately ducks down. The woman fires a stream of bullets into the air by accident, and you barely duck down in time. The grave grabs her by the arm, biting into it so deep, her jean shirt fabric tears, allowing the gravewalker to bite a massive chunk of flesh out of it. Vains and tendons hang out like an overflowing bowl of spaghetti. The pain, so rich, that it causes her to drop her gun. The gravewalker bites pounds and pounds of flesh from her as if she were a buffet. Blood pouring out, trickling down her face and soaking into her shirt underneath her vest. She collapses, still screaming. Forced to watch as her own organs are stripped from her abdomen by its sharp, claw-like nails. The screaming only stops as it grabs ahold of one of her intestines and rips them inhalf with its teeth.
Larry and yourself watch in horror from a safe distance. That is until you realize that many lurking gravewalkers had been attracted by the commotion. It's hard to count how many, but you could safely say a dozen. Enough to get you to leave. Larry quickly snags his backpack and you grab your satchel before quickly exiting the area. Just in time to miss this dinner gathering.
