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my storygame vietnam:part one: american handler was a total disaster. and the preview feedback for american vietnam 1:survivor of khe sahn has me feeling not so good about that game either. i need help from experienced writers in order to get a good story line going with good flow and plenty of details.i also make alot of grammar mistakes and maybe i do even rush the story a bit. but thats because i'm not a good creative writer.if you are reading this and an experienced storygame writer please help me.many thanks if you try

                     signed

                                              warclaw

 

 

bet i made alot of grammar mistakes here.  |sad face|

Is it posted on the site?

yeah one is a preview for one  it's titled American vietnam 1:survivor of khe sahn. the other is vietnam:part one: american handler

you could probaly find them in the new games section

Well, if it's help you desire, let me give you some advice that you should take seriously:

Don't publish demos and previews. Ever.

You think the EndMaster published a preview of "Eternal" before publishing that masterpiece? Didn't think so. Point is, you don't need a preview. Just write the story and publish, no demos.

Moving on, you shouldn't split a story into multiple storygames. Write it completely and take your time. If you want chapters, you've got the advanced editor that can organize your pages like that.

I also recommend using spellcheck for those grammar/spelling mistakes. Also, big hint: use correct English conventions.

Didn't he add a third route later ("Struggle" against Mistress)? When I played it the first time, I think there was only Shadow and soldier route.

Well if that was the case, it was so big already that I don't think we could call it a demo/preview.

Eh, he considered it a preview.

I should stop making assumptions :X

Wait, what?

With Eternal, I basically set out to do three major paths, but while working on the first one, I realized it was going to take a really long time.

But I had already sort of implied I was going to release a new story that year, so what I did was create the first major path as if it was a self contained story with no “Die” or “Struggle” path at all.

In this way, the reader was not really missing out on anything, because there were no loose links or anything like that. Even if I had died in real life and not made the other two paths, it still would have been a complete story. No demo or preview.

Then the next year I did the same thing with the “Die” path and then finished it up with the “Struggle” path the year after.

Alright, thanks for the info.

First time I played there was two paths, then I didn't go back on CYS for a few years. When I came back there was three routes, hence why I was confused.

This is a writing site. Use proper grammar and punctuation. When people see rubbish like you have typed in this forum post, they already have a preformed opinion of the quality of your writing.

Capitalizing the first letter of the first word of a new sentence and capitalizing "I" are some of the most basic tenets of the English language. You don't even have a space after all of your sentences in this forum post. Before you can worry about a storyline or plot, you need to learn proper grammar and write correct sentences.

I completely agree with this. It'd be a waste if someone wrote a fantastic story with a riveting plot, dark setting, and unique characters and nobody can understand it because of the lack of coherent sentence structure.

It is really good that you are asking for help, most new writers ignore or angrily refute criticism. I would suggest a few things:

1) Look at the Featured stories on the site and notice the things the authors of them did well.

2) Read articles in the Help and Info section and also (SELF-ADVERTISEMENT ALERT) my story games The Land of Bad Writing and HOW NOT TO WRITE - Pokemon Adventures - Chapter 1- Part I - Section A - The Beginning of the Start for a few things to avoid in writing.

3) Get a good proof reader, whether it's a parent, an English teacher or an experienced author on this site to co-author or proofread your story for errors.

4) Capitalize, check for grammar, punctuation and spelling errors, plan your story and characters, take your time in writing (a REALLY good story game takes around at least 1 month to write), don't publish in parts and go for longer stories over short quick stories (if you like writing in parts that's ok, just don't publish them and when you're finished mash all the parts together into one story and call them chapters).

5) Keep writing. The more you write the better you will get, it's the same with anything whether it's playing a sport, eating chilli or assassinating people for the CIA, the more you do the better you will get :) Don't be discouraged by criticism but be aware of it and try to pick out the parts that are most useful. Also I find reading a lot helps, especially if writing about real-world events like you are doing.

This. Very much this.

probably add more then a few sentences every page maybe 2 paragraphs to start out

2 paragraphs? Maybe...6 paragraphs, minus dialog, if he really wants to get into it, but, as always, quality over quantity.

thanks for the advice everyone. I've taken it and applied it to an update for the American Vietnam Preview. check it out now and tell me what think about the improvements