(FICTIONAL STORY)
(COMPLETELY ORIGINAL EXCEPT MY STUPID FUCKING FRIEND ALSO TOLD ME TO WRITE THIS BLAME HIM.)
This is a story nobody probably wants to see. Endmaster himself was actually a big advocate for never writing a story about this shit. But fuck it, nevermind that. We can just write this shit, it doesn't even have to be verbose or funny. If you're feeling triggered, though, don't worry. Nobody gets raped or anything.
Chapter One:
Officer Danhauser Kreignesshiegner was a Death Camp Nazi Crack Whore Salesman. He liked to think of himself as a chivalrous human trafficker, though. Indeed, he never touched his product, for his tastes lied elsewhere. Primarily between the legs of toddlers, fetusses, aborted fetusses, and aborted toddlers.
"Boy, today sure is a good day to sell AIDS-ridden death camp prostitutes to the rich folk!" said Officer Danhauser Kreignesshiegner as he slipped on his suicide vest. Ever since that stint in Guam, he just felt more comfortable with bright red cartoon TNT-bundles strapped all around his body.
One couldn't really blame him for his stupidity, nor his lack of common morality, because he had lost his brain and heart in a freak suicide-bombing accident, and he had to replace them with one of the synagogue's floorboards.
But Danhauser Kreignesshiegner wasn't thinking about that right now. In fact, he wasn't thinking of very much at all, but he did remember that he had some business to attend to, so he went to the "Medicine Tent". There was a newly pregnant mother in the tent. It was 3 months in and already the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen... Well, from what little he could see.
"Hallo!" Danhauser Kreignesshiegner said as he entered the medical tent, "Looks like the 'tryen before das buyens' progrom did not vork, so I am here to take your fetus from you before you give full birth and we have to put you in das Bargain Bin vis ze ozzers..."
Perhaps he should not have announced his intentions, but what can you honestly expect from a floorboard? Of course, the woman was enraged, and so she grabbed the Scalpel and stabbed him in the dick.
"Fetus-taking mein arscht!" Growled the mother-to-be, "Try to abort me vis das splittendicken, Officer flachwichser!"
"Mein Gott!" cried Danhauser Kreignesshieger, running out of the room, "Thank goodness I have mein Top-Secret Nazi Dick-repairing technology!"
Hours of stitching and clockwork later, he received a telegraph from Gruppenfuhrer Kokkenmongler.
HALLO,
DAS IS GRUPPENFUHRER KOKKENMONGLER.
HAVE VERY IMPORTANT JOB.
DAS ANONYMOUS FUHRER WANTS 13 AIDS-INFECTED CRACK WHORES FOR PARTY WITH RUSSKIE VERMIN.
ALSO VE NEED YOU TO GO IGNITE SOUP LINES TO WARM SOUP. GESTAPO GRIGORI SAYS YOU GOOD AT IGNITING THINGS.
HEIL HILTER,
-GRUPPENFUHRER KOKKENMONGLER.
There was silence for a mere second, before another telegraph arrived.
HALLO,
HITLER I MEANT HEIL HITLER.
HEIL HITLER,
-GRUPPENFUHRER KOKKENMONGLER
Danhauser Kreignesshieger was quick to respond,
HALLO,
OKAY WILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. HAVE ONLY 10 AIDS-INFECTED CRACK WHORES AVAILABLE, AND OTHERS RESERVED FOR PURCHASERS. WOULD AIDS-INFECTED HEROIN WHORES DO?
P.S. WHAT IS ANONYMOUS FUHRER'S NAME?
HEIL HITLER,
-OFFICER DANHAUSER KREIGNESSHIEGER
He received only one answer for his two questions.
HALLO
THEY CALL HIM DAS FUHRER CHIKKENCHOKKEN.
HEIL HITLER,
-OFFICER KOKKENMONGLER.
Don't worry, I archived everything, because people clearly need to remember this story forever. God fuck a duck.
