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The following is an excerpt from my WIP novella An Empire to Fell (Title pending). A warning: The excerpt is graphic and may disturb some readers. You have been warned.

Feedback is appreciated!



L'dora coughs herself into consciousness. She starts dry heaving, the only thing spewing from her mouth being spittle as she is unable to properly vomit.

L'dora wipes the crust from her eyes, only for her to be startled by what she sees before her; All around her in massive mounds are rotting corpses. A horrid mess of black, red, green, blue, yellow, grey, and white.

L'dora screams, pulling herself away from the dead bodies she had been resting upon. She stares at the masses all around her, her stomach desperately tying itself into knots out of sheer anguish. Bugs of all sorts buzz and squirm about, feverishly devouring the rotting flesh.

Prying her eyes from the mounds about her, L'dora looks down at herself. Where her markings once had been are now long, pink-ish red cuts all across her entire body. She inspects the back of her hands. The silver lines she had become so familiar with are now indentations carved up her arms, exposing the parts of her beneath. The very markings she had identified with for her entire life... they are now gone. They had been stolen from her.

L'dora starts crying, tears flowing down her face like rivers. Her tears flow through the canals on her face where her markings once were. It stings to an indescribable degree, but her emotions overwhelm her more than her body hurt physically.

She is both covered and surrounded in death. Crying is all she can do.

I feel like this is too short to give proper feedback on, it's like 250 words. Perhaps a lengthier excerpt would help provide more feedback?

Yeah, I've been pretty much ignoring these threads because there's not been much to give feedback ON.

If you feel like critiquing something, TPara's thread looks a little lonely...

Reads like a good start to something.

Agree with not much being here to actually critique. Though I'd recommend changing up the tempo of your writing more.

As it stands, almost all paragraphs start with Ldora and kind of feel the same. There's some stuff happening to her, she does some stuff. I'd suggest adding some more personality to her so the stuff has more impact.