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I need proofreaders for this story, and if you could tell me what category to put it under that would be great. I'm struggling to find what it would fit under. Chlling in the Park

I'm sorry, we're closed.

Totally would... if your link worked

I don't know why the link isn't working for you, just copy and paste this I guess. I think it has something to do with the mega threads that have been going around, seemed to do that to sherbet in the past.
(EDIT: Nevermind, I just changed the name of the game and didn't think to change the link.)

https://chooseyourstory.com/story/chillin'-in-the-park

Double it and pass it to the next person. 

 

On a serious note: I would but I'm already doing a biiggg review for mystics story, and I'm proofreading the entirety of one of tharas stories as well ( she said she will give me a generous reward of points). 

Actually it was your post that inspired this story. The one about the most schizophrenic story.

Here are all the grammatical errors I found. No comment on the quality of the storygame itself.

Steal the staff -> point it at a tree.

“"Nice." You say and chuckle a little bit, until the wizard, who apparently was still chasing you, finally catches up to you. "You, give me back my staff." He says, panting and out of breath.”

Needs to be a paragraph break between two instances of dialogue.

Steal the staff -> point it at a tree -> na na na boo boo.

Same issue with paragraph breaks between dialogue.

Steal the staff -> point it at a tree -> give it back -> break in -> question four.

“What is the power house of a living cell?”

Power house should be powerhouse, I think.

Steal the staff -> point it at a tree -> challenge him to a duel.

Paragraph breaks between dialogue.

Steal the staff -> point it at a tree -> challenge him to a duel -> hit him with the electric shuffle -> yes.

“You grab the cookie that falls from the sky, eating it and immediently dying from the seven hundred milligrams of straight uranium-235 hits your body and fries you inside and out. “

I don’t know if that word is intended to be immediately or imminently, but it’s spelled wrong. There should also be a ‘that’ between uranium-235 and hits.

Thank you for these helpful corrections, I'm surprised I didn't do the line breaks between dialogue, I usually make a point to do so.