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I need an opinion

6 hours ago
I'm writing a story, and i need brutally honest feedback:
Chapter 1
Becca
I was sitting at my parents' cold mahogany table, the room smelling of cleaning products, the wood never warmed from family dinners, the only food ever placed here was my measly sandwiches I made myself for dinner. My parents had called me an hour ago, so I drove the 25 minutes to the rich neighborhood and sat in the dining room. What do they want? They haven't talked to me in 3 years, the only times I've seen them is at family gatherings, and that's because I have to go to those.
My father emerged from upstairs with a stack of papers in his hands, he sat across the table from me, next to my mother "Becca, I'm sure you've heard of Globex," he said, his emotionless voice echoing against the walls of the quiet dining room " We'd like to partner with the company, but they won't agree unless you marry the ceo's son. You can actually live in a fancy house full of nice things instead of continuing to live like you’re poor."
Poor? I've been doing just fine in a studio apartment for three years, never making a single late payment, what do they mean poor? At least I'm happy there. My small space, with its mismatched furniture and chipped coffee mug, felt warmer and more comfortable than this cold mansion ever did, something they would never understand. I clenched my fists which were laying in my lap, I attempted to look at my mother but she just nodded in agreement, not meeting my eye. Providing no comfort.
I just sat there, frozen. Do they really believe this is a reasonable conversation? A casual discussion about a life they've already decided for me? Do I really have a choice? Because honestly, even after everything, I still want their approval.
"And what about my life?" As soon as I said the words their faces flashed with annoyance, like they expected me to just accept that they had already gambled away my life like a business deal. They exchanged a look before my father leaned forward, his face perfectly composed. "This isn't a conversation, it's an opportunity. This is the most sensible solution to ensure your future, and your cooperation is expected." My mother just nodded, her gaze still not meeting mine.
Their reaction shocked me, this was a low blow even for them. Then, looking between the two I realized, they weren't mad at me, jeez they weren't even disappointed, they were just frustrated at me like I was a difficult customer.
I quickly realized they weren't going to say no "Fine, but don't expect me to treat this man like I'm the one who chose to marry him". My father sighed, "fine, at least we can finally get this conversation over with," he slid over a small stack of papers full of fine print and terms and conditions, "Here are the papers, we'll pay for the wedding" he said "Wedding? I didn't say I was about to have a wedding!" I gasped "You have to, it's in the terms and conditions, you don't have to kiss him at the altar though, simply shake his hand, we'll pay for everything.
My father hands over a resume, like this stranger is applying for a job instead of marrying me, I look down at the paper, expecting to see a man with cold eyes like my father. I mentally take a step back. Well at least he's attractive. The man has brown hair and looks uncomfortable in the suit he was put in for the picture. His eyes look warm, like my apartment instead of my parents' dining room. There's something familiar about him, like his freckle pattern or something, but I dismiss it as deja vu. I take the picture in my hand and stand up, "I'll read this at home, call me tomorrow to set it up."

I need an opinion

6 hours ago
Is he going to turn out to be a werewolf?

I need an opinion

5 hours ago

It's a start.

The main thing that stood out to me immediately is paragraph spacing. Jesus fucking christ. Please double check that your paragraph spacing remains intact when you copy and paste from google docs or microsoft word or whatever. The block of text that is only sometimes broken by a hit of the enter key is not enough spacing. Just take the time to hit that key just a couple more times before sending. There also has to be some better separation with dialogue.

Punctuation needs to be dealt with as well. There are FAR too many commas. I also find that I struggle with this as a writer, but it's okay to end a sentence and start another. Too many commas is just as bad as no punctuation at all. Its just one long run-on string. There are also some missing quotation marks in some areas.

I am a sucker for stories that paint a picture of the world the main character is in and their established connection to it. I was apprehensive that this might have been yet another AI bit of nothing, but as established in a recent thread it can't really grasp this kind of writing. Everything and everyone that you wrote was very clearly biased from Becca's unique perspective and experience. I thoroughly enjoyed that aspect of the segment.

My main gripe with the chapter as a whole is that there is no real push back. Becca has been estranged from her parents for three years already, which is elaborated maybe a few too many times in this snippet. She has been living independently and only minimally interacting with them. Then with a stern look and a few words about cooperation she caves immediately to her parent's demands. I have a theory of what might have caused this, and I think it could have been done slightly better. My guess is that you wanted to establish Becca quickly as a strong and independent woman while also trying to advance an arranged marriage plot too soon. You don't want to write her as just another meek and obedient damsel who is forced into an archaic situation by the will of her parents, but by writing Becca this way you kind of shoot yourself in the foot with her immediately crumbling under the slightest pressure. It makes all of the time estranged meaningless. She might as well have been living under her parent's thumbs from the beginning. Maybe if there was some sort of blackmail or cultural element that prevented her from walking away, I could buy it.

Otherwise my comments are mostly nitpicky. The "call me tomorrow" thing is a bit abrupt of an ending to the chapter, The kissing at the alter line and overall shock that there's going to be a wedding when that is usually implied with a marriage seems out of place, and maybe try using comparisons outside of the apartment and the living room for the guy's warm eyes. I think this can really be something if you take some time and decide what direction you are trying to go with Becca's character and the vibe of the story in general.

I need an opinion

5 hours ago
There are quite a few SPAG issues in the text: tense shifting, incorrect subject verb agreements, sentence fragmentation to name a few. I'd highly recommend checking out the articles in the Help & Info tab. I was making a lot of these mistakes too and the articles by Gower in particular were really helpful.

As for the story itself, it's a little bit too cliched. I do believe stories can use common tropes as a foundation and subvert them to make an original experience, but you didn't get to that part in this text and that makes it a bit unsatisfying to read.