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Flash Fiction Story

yesterday

I wrote this flash fiction story a while ago, which I forgot about until now, so I thought I'd share it with you guys. It's not my best work, but it was fun to write nonetheless.

The man pushed himself up by his elbows, leaning against the wall to keep his body from giving out.

“You fucking scumbag,” I snarled at him.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t teach your daughter self defense.” He released an airy chuckle as blood dribbled down his upper lip and into his mouth, staining his bottom teeth.

I grabbed his throat and forced him to his feet. “And whose fault is it that your pathetic offspring can’t keep his dick to himself?”

He looked straight into my eyes and smiled lazily. “Go ahead, then,” he challenged, but I knew better.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” Dropping him to the ground, I watched in disgust as he began to lose consciousness.

“Maybe…” he trailed off.

“This is the last peaceful rest you’ll get in a while,” I said, turning around and heading towards the exit. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”

V__V

Flash Fiction Story

yesterday

👍

TypedRooster

Flash Fiction Story

yesterday

A little bit odd, but I suppose it's creative!

I suggest a little less context. Putting people in the "mystery zone" with flash fiction is often an effective and procedural way of getting more of a reaction.

Mousecore

Flash Fiction Story

yesterday

So this was interesting. A big part of what makes flash fiction so challenging is having to condense all of the readers' necessary understanding of a conflict into a bite-sized piece. Oftentimes the problem with chasing brevity is that you might end up with logical gaps regarding the story, which can make it overall fall a bit flat. That's a lot of words to say: I'm a little confused by this piece. It reads more like an excerpt starting in medias res from a larger, more expanded work than it does as standalone flash fiction. The storyline is straightforward—the man's son assaulted the narrator's daughter, and the narrator took their rightful retribution against him. I think the thing that's really got me hanging is... why? Do we know what the circumstances were and what spurred the narrator into conflict? Why would the narrator attack the boy's father, but not the boy himself? Why is this a hill this man is willing to die on, on behalf of his son—not even trying to deny or cover up the crime committed, but saying the narrator's daughter should've been taught in self-defense? And in spite of all that, why is he so lamely defeatist? Maybe there's some motif relating to trivializing violence against women that I'm vaguely catching a whiff of, but I'm not sure that it's executed concisely here. This piece reads like we got dropped into the middle of an already existing situation, but without giving us any of the details that would make us care about what's happening. You're just kind of left saying, "...okay..." You could either try to flesh out this existing conflict more while still operating within the scope of flash fiction, or, like Rooster mentioned, keep people in suspense. Reveal what happened at a later point in the piece. Give the audience something to pay off! Just giving you some food for thought on how to establish stakes, amp up character development even in a really short piece, and make the readers care—give them the why so they can root for someone, or for something to happen. Right now, it feels like that something already happened and there's nothing else to look forward to. With that being said, I realize this is an older work of yours, and I'm not sure if you intend to go back and improve it because of that. Figured it's worth mentioning for future works though. And hey, even if you don't think it was your best work, it's good that you had fun writing it! Best of luck in the future :)