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So I wrote my first story game which ended with a lot of "it has potential but should be more in depth," so I've decided to write the 2nd. 

Things to clear up:

1. This on will hopefully be much longer.

2. I'll try for more character development.

3. The 2nd may be followed by a 3rd

4. This one will be MUCH more violent. There will be people having their lungs ripped out, people regenerating entire limbs through stem cells, Chunks of human body parts being ripped off.

So anything I should change?

I've moved this to the Writing Workshop for you, seeing this thread has to do with brainstorming ideas for your story. The Lounge is for threads that aren't suited to other boards.

I haven't read your first story yet but good luck with Revolt II!

Also haven't read the first but good luck and I would at that it is violent in description.

So, you're gonna wanna do the following:

- Refrain from explaining too much of the plot in the description.  Do that in the story.

- Clean up your words by separating them into paragraphs.

- Really try to "flesh out" the story by making things more clearer, more vivid, more everything.

You've got potential, but try to refine your work, and try making it a tad bit longer?

I can co-author if you need revision.