Once again bringing you the truth and dismissing the FAKE NEWS!
Past Truth Filled Issues!
http://chooseyourstory.com/forums/creative-corner/message/23162
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FEATURING
The New Shit
Double Interviews with Digit and Ebon
Edgelord Story by IBV
Article by Mizal
Credits
The New Shit
Newbie Central: More noobs for the meat grinder. None of them seem particularly interesting yet, so until they are, fuck ‘em.
The Lounge: Some discussion on real world events, bitching about the newest Fallout game coming out and I mentioned a cool dream I had.
News & Updates: Bucky’s EPIC contest is just starting and much like many contests everyone is full of hopes and promises. I imagine that also like many contests it will end in mass failure and SHAME.
The Parlor Room: I mention that I just published Rogues recently. Go rate it an 8, I demand your worship!
Creative Corner: DEP is working on a novel and scraping the bottom of the barrel for help. Unsurprisingly this was in the form of MoreCowbell.
Writing Workshop: Everyone is posting their EPIC contest story threads. Haven’t read any of them yet, so don’t know what any of them are working on. And honestly when judging comes around, I probably still won’t.
Reading Corner: In a rare moment of motivation to actually do an overview of not just one book, but eight of them, I posted about the Worldwar Series. Combined with how infrequent RC is even posted in to begin with, the stars must have been right or something.
Advanced Editor Forum: A bunch of discussion about boring coding stuff as usual.
Feature Wishing Well: Mizal requested to streamline the site by combining a couple of the forums. Some seemed to be in favor of this, but nothing will get changed because JJJ is still lost in the bowels of the earth somewhere.
Bugs & Problems: Lots of complaints about this site running like it’s still using dial up. Which is probably what Alex actually had when he first created this place.
Double Interview Special
As it was implied from the title, we’ve got not one, but TWO interviews this issue straight from the Eternal Cell of Disappointment.
Would have gotten one from IBV, but she was too busy being a whore to comment at this time. However in between her whoring, she was able to provide a story which will be coming up after the interviews.
Let’s get on with it.
Interview 1: Digit AKA Mexican Weeb
When he’s not scouring the Internet for the latest anime monster girl porn, he’s hanging out here sponging what little “importance” he has thanks to his recent connections to the Villain Lair.
Anyway, here he is trying to justify his miserable weeb existence.
1. Tell me about your mother.
My mother spoils me a whole lot that’s for sure. If I were to ask her to buy me manga and anime figures then she would probably do it, if it weren’t for someone else in my family who would have much different feelings on the subject.
I’ve totally bypassed this though by instead asking for steam cards and buying anime games during steam sales, most of them having hentai patches. They haven’t found out yet, but when they do. Well let’s just say I’m not looking forward to that day.
2. Why did you join the site and stick around?
When I was but a young lad and being a fanfic writer/reader, I had been verbally raped when the people on fanfic.net told me tbst my fanfiction was utter shit and that I should feel bad for having the grammar of a 1900’s Chinese Immigrant. After crying in bed for days and being utterly depressed, I looked for new stomping grounds, and remembered that I had made a account on here. in which I first didn’t use all that much.
I sticked around, keeping a low profile until like 2016, A few forum members made me stay, though those people have long since died except for some notable ones that are currently in the Lair. I’ll most likely continue to stick around unless I suddenly get captured by the cartel or something and cease to be able log in.
3. What makes you stand out from the other weebs around here?
Well for starters I’m the only one still fucking standing besides Thara and a couple of others. Like holy shit there were like a dozen different famous weebs in the past months and years, yet they’ve all fucking died or ascended to weeb heaven or some shit.
I guess I’m super proud to say that I managed to swim through my fallen brothers and find a spot in the Lair, as the only weeb in there it seems, well save for Wibn who’s still in denial. I don’t know how I managed to do it, but I give my thanks and prayers to my waifu for pulling me through the tough times of being unknown and unloved ;(.
4. How’s it feel sharing a cell with Ebon and IBV?
The days are long and awful, Ebon is normal for the most part, save for his occasional chants of “BEGONE VILE TEMPTRESS” towards vain. in which she usually ignores as they continue to chase each other around the tiny cell. Sometimes though we get together and just play monopoly or Jenga so I guess that’s cool.
I however like keep to myself, reading my manga and silently getting it off to my waifu in the middle of the night, I’m hoping they haven’t noticed yet but wouldn’t really stop me anyway. I’ve also started feeling itchy, like REALLY itchy in which in some cases it’s pretty unbearable. I hope I get free soon, haven’t seen any virtual anime tittes in awhile.
5. What are your favorite things to write about?
Definitely fanfiction, used to write a lot about anime girls and erotic fantasies that can still be found on Wattpad. I’m proud to say that I even had a cult following of 5 loyal followers during the peak of my greatness on that site.
Now though on this site, I’ve had to cease my temptations to write about some things, and have had to just stick with the good old vanilla irl romance and fantasy stories. Let’s just say though that I’m reallyyyyyy looking forward to the fanfiction contest :)
6. How well do you think you’ll do in the EPIC contest?
Well after totally crashing and burning the last contest, I questioned my once top tier writing ability, how could the G.O.A.T fail after the hype I had built up? I’m hoping that changes, I’m setting more realistic goals such as third place, as I try to up my word count early on before I start getting lazy and just do fuck all for months until I shit myself in the last two weeks.
7. Any final thoughts before you return to your degenerate anime world?
I would hope that we get more weebs on this site, to refill the fallen numbers. Hopefully I finally win a contest and get a personal trophy. And I like fat cock tee hee.
Interview 2: EbonVasilis AKA Fallen Paladin
When he’s not crusading against the sodomites in the name of Morgan Freeman, he’s hanging out here trying to prove himself and sometimes failing spectacularly.
Anyway, here he is trying to justify his miserable failures.
1. Tell me about your mother.
My mother is a delightful person: nice, kind, loving. Not to boast, but if I were to imagine a perfect mother, well, I wouldn't need to imagine. I already have one.
2. Why did you join the site and stick around?
I read CYOA books in my elementary school years, and I was, and still am, an avid reader. Thus, I soon ran out of hardcopy CYOA books. I turned to the internet and found this place. I played the top stories for a week or so, before turning my interest elsewhere. It would be a few years before I found the site again. And why did I stay? At first because I was eager beginning writer and needed guidance, but after I while I came to really enjoy the overall feel of the site and its villainous community.
3. What makes you stand out from the other wacky Christians around here?
I'd like to think I don't go out and thrust my personal views onto people (unless asked to), and maybe I feel like I'm more strict on myself? Bah. I don't really know. The only Christians I can think of off the top of my head are Mizal and Wibbons... so I guess the best answer for what makes me stand out is my distinct arrogance.
I don't know what other way to word this so I'll just say this (I know I'll regret it later) A christian, conservative, and all around more morally sound version of Steve. You could call him my evil, gay twin. And before you ask the follow-up question; If he was my brother then yes, I would be quite embarrassed.
4. How’s it feel sharing a cell with Digit and IBV?
Well Insane never ceases in her attempts to defile my virtue, so I've had to stay vigilant. Resisting is quite easy actually. You need only remember Flameflower from Rogues to know why it's easy for me to resist. (If you don't know who that is, then go read Rogues. Seriously, it's quite good)
Digit, on the other hand, is just as bad. He constantly makes inane anime references, and reads manga all day long instead of writing. He even, when he thinks no one can hear, jacks-off in the middle of the night. Really, Insane should go seduce him. He's clearly touch-starved, but he might be too far in love with his 2D images to give in. Every once in while we manage to put aside our differences to play some boardgames. I win every time, of course, but it is nice to have some friendly competition.
Recently, Digit has been getting sick: coughing, nosebleeds, the works. I hoped Insane's diseases weren't airborne, but I guess they are. I haven't been affected, so I can only assume Digit is suffering from his disbelief and that my holy magic has saved me. In short, I can't wait to get out.
5. What are your favorite things to write about?
Specifically, genuine and strong expressions of emotion. Generally, all things fantasy: the fighting, the magic, the kings and kingdoms, etc.
6. How well do you think you’ll do in the EPIC contest?
Assuming I don't get run over by a car or something similar happens to prevent me from writing, I think I'll do very well. I have a lot to juggle in order for my story to work out well, but if all things go according to plan, then I'll have a story to rival some of the top stories of the site.
Specifically, I'll be attempting to write something at least as long as Necromancer, but with a higher rating. It'll be very, very difficult, but that's my goal. Oh, and I think it goes without saying that I think I'll win.
7. Any final thoughts before you return to burning heathens for Morgan Freeman?
If there is anyone, anyone out there at all... Please smuggle my spare cross, holy water, and portable altar down here to me. Insane is sleeping on the first altar I brought down, and she took my cross. I loathe to think of what she does with it now. And Digit drank my holy water thinking it would heal him.
Anyway, I need those things so I can at the very least ward away Insane. Warding away Digit's anime would be a definite bonus as well. If nothing else, then someone bring me my sword of cleansing. I think that's about it...Wait, no End! Don't go! Don't leave me down here with them! At least send Thara to visit,..
And there you have it folks, I'm sure everyone will sleep better tonight knowing that those two are locked up. (For now)
IBV's Edgelord Story
Alone in the black expanse of the carpark, a blue car crouched in the crisp morning air. It had been there for hours, millions of years possibly. There was something stirring in the back seat, nestled down under a soft blanket.
Look in the window, wipe off the dust. If you squint your eyes, you can see her.
It’s Nena, asleep in her nest of pillows. Her mother left her alone here, trusting her to look after herself, but it might have been in poor judgement. Nena’s only human, after all.
Above the horizon the sun narrows its eyes at the carpark, innocently emanating that deadly glow. Large glass windows create a perfect atmosphere to insulate little Nena and save her from freezing in the bitter cold of the winter morning. The warmth of the sun trickles sweetly into her home, sticks like honey to those dusty panes of glass draped around her. It would have been an ideal situation, and little Nena would have been permitted to continue her slumber, if not for a peculiar thickening of the glass, which seemed to coincide with the exhalation of her breath.
Oh, she’s waking up.
Behind a thick forest of dark eyelashes, Nena’s eyes opened slowly - the colour of bright new shoots piercing the soil after heavy rain, a lush green rich with the promise of life, of growth. Her chubby hands curled into fists and rubbed away sleep, clearing her blurred vision. Dregs of dreams fled from the light of day as her mind churned slowly. Tiny pearls of sweat littered her forehead, glinting like those dewdrops that seem to live only in those minutes of peace on cool mornings, that perish with the rising sun.
The sun rose up, swelling fatter and higher in the lilac sky. Nena struggled to stand on fledgeling legs, looking desperately for her mother. Whisper-thin strands of hair clung to her forehead, held tightly to those tepid droplets. Dahlia-red cheeks grew deeper in colour as she panted in the heat, her tiny lungs working overtime.
Still, she trusted that she would be saved, her mother would return and pluck her with delicate fingers from the brink of extinction. She had always been right next to Nena, a god who governed her every move, watched her with unblinking eyes, caressed and protected her from harm. She had conditioned Nena to be dutifully obedient, to believe she was helpless.
So there was nothing for Nena to do but lay still in the heat, gaze tied to the door handle, waiting for it to swing open and invite the cool air to kiss her melting brow. Her breath thickened the air in the stifling car, tightening the cocoon of heat that stuck to her. It was getting harder to breathe, harder to think, harder to keep her eyes open.
Lightyears away from little Nena, a wave collapsed gently on the shore, caressing the land for a peaceful moment before being dragged screaming back into the dark expanse of the ocean. A boy not much older than her stood on the edge of that boundary of dark roiling water and pale sand, unaware of poor Nena’s plight. She couldn’t possibly be burning, couldn’t she feel the soothing breeze, dip her toes in the rock pools?
A reef slept only a few metres out from the child’s position on the sand, quietly thriving under the rays of light that slipped between the waves. Bright coral, older than time, hummed to herself as she flourished through the decades (or minutes?), watching the boy grow with a cautious eye. He seemed to change so quickly, growing old and decaying into sickness. His hair paled into a shade of fragile ivory that complemented his blistering red skin, both became slick with grease.
The reef had seen this a thousand times before, and endlessly wept for lost friends that time chose to wither away. She had always remained unchanged, but this time began to show signs of age. She grew grey-haired, like the boy did, grew brittle and sick, as the boy did.
Now even if the boy had the desire to venture out to see her, the vibrant colours she once boasted had disappeared. The reef began to feel those frolicking fingers of light tighten and burn, boiling the water to an unbearable heat. Panting desperately, begging for help, she trusted someone would save her and plunge her back into the soft waters she was born in. But no one came, and she withered away with the boy. Made mortal by mortals.
You’d hope that little Nena would suffer a less cruel fate, be allowed to grow sick, decrepit and old like the child by the reef. But you’ve been gone some time now, and the sun didn’t care to pause while you were at the reef.
Nena had waved her hands, pressed them to the thick glass, sobbed a few salty tears. The door handle loomed above her head, just in reach of her fingers if she stretched, maybe stood on her tip toes. She didn’t stretch though, she didn’t even try - it seemed too hard, it seemed too late. She had curled into a ball, wilted down into the scalding hot back seat in defeat. She had been too small, too helpless, and her mother didn’t come back.
You can still see her if you want to. Just look through the window again. That’s her, face down on the seat.
Oh, wait. Her chest is moving. She’s not dead yet, she’s still breathing, melting in the oppressive fever of the sun. Her delicate skin is stained with scarlet blotches, her clothes are damp and sticky with thick sweat. She’s given up, breath rasping in her dry throat.
Mizal's All Purpose Writing Advice
So all of us, or all of us who matter anyway are attempting to write a 60k story for the EPIC contest right now, and some of us have never written or even attempted to write a story of that size. Due to the scope of it all and the word count requirement, no frantic last minute half assed word vomit will save anyone this time.
We all have to write, and write steadily, and so writer's block is a bigger issue than it usually is. Every day of failure to make words happen inches you ever closer to a slow, humiliating defeat and digs your grave a bit deeper.
Even though in many (most) cases the problem is simply sheer laziness and deep-seated personality flaws or overall weakness of character making it difficult for you to focus and commit to things that take effort, recognizing the reason for writer's block is just that you suck is not going to make it go away. It's a problem, but not an insurmountable one.
For the simple stuff first, you want to make sure you’re in an environment you feel comfortable writing. Sit in a comfy chair, have a glass of water nearby, make sure you don’t have to pee.
Everyone’s idea of an ideal writing environment differs; some like music, some get distracted by it, some need absolute privacy and some like to be at some kind of overpriced hipster facility that peddles diabetes in 31 oz cups. It’s worth experimenting around to see what yours is, and even if you already know a change of scenery can sometimes be surprisingly helpful anyway.
Of course I’d be amiss in not pointing out that you shouldn’t NEED to be comfortable. It does help but that if anything just underlines how pathetic you are. How comfortable do you think it would be to write in a dark, cramped, smoky or damp and cold room in a hard wooden chair with nothing but a crappy pen and pot of ink and no way to erase mistakes?
Possibly while in actual physical pain a great deal of the time and suffering from malnutrition. Yet plenty of authors managed and that’s why we have literature today. It was because they were REAL authors just fyi and not soft little wannabe bitches like you.
Okay but anyway, now you’re seated in your chair. The cursor on the blank screen is blinking and time is ticking by. The first sentence is always the hardest. It’s made even harder of course if you have no clue what you’re supposed to be writing.
Did you outline? Do you have even a vague idea of the plot and how it all opens? If you’re lacking even the most basic idea and think you’re just going to sit down and a story will magically happen, you’re a dumb ass. Tab out now, time to do some thinking.
You need, at the bare minimum, a setting, characters, conflict, and resolution in mind as well as the kind of tone you’re going for and whatever the theme or moral will be. If you’re in the EPIC contest, most of that is already a requirement so I’ll assume you’re already covered there. But for any point where you need to work out a plot in more detail, always good to remember Kipling’s Five W’s:
WHAT happened?
WHO was involved?
WHERE did it happen?
WHEN did it happen?
WHY did it happen?
And then of course there’s the HOW, which is the part where you get all the above across in a clear and interesting manner with the words that you type. Although in most cases it’s probably not necessary to go down the list so mechanically unless you’re really, really stumped. What I’ve found also works pretty well is just stop trying to force yourself to type for a few minutes and just space out and think. Sometimes it helps to get up and move around, do some minor physical activity like house cleaning or so on that doesn’t require your brain’s involvement.
Envision the story events in your mind or even work out that dreaded opening line, THEN you go and sit down and type about it. Writing is literally just as simple as making pictures happen in your head and then describing them. If you don’t think those pictures will work out, make different ones.
You are the one in control of this shit. Think of yourself as a movie director controlling a camera in the world of your setting. You decide what to zoom in and focus on and what to only briefly pan across, depending on how relevant each detail is to the story as a whole. The only limitations would be things like the POV which determines where the camera is mounted.
You might have to go back and redo some things, and other parts will wind up on the cutting room floor because even if you liked them they don’t add to the whole. That’s fine, that’s normal. Outlining will of course help you avoid a lot of second guessing and writing yourself into corners or running into plot holes or contradictions and general uncertainty; it gives you a bird’s eye view of the maze instead of letting you waste days or weeks blundering through it without realizing you’re headed for a dead end, and means you have a complete plot you know you’re happy with and excited about writing before you even type that first line.
And the whole happy and excited thing is important. If you’re stuck, really stuck on a scene you can skip ahead to the next one (hell this article didn't even have an intro when I started, I just started listing things to talk about and then talked about them and I'm going back to add the beginning when I'm done with the rest...) or even take a break to work on a side project for a bit, sure. But a big, BIG cause of writer’s block is simply that on some level, whether you acknowledge it consciously or not, you’re not enjoying a scene or don’t feel it really fits.
That’s when it’s good to take a step back and examine the scene or that whole section of the plot to identify what exactly the issue is and how to fix it. If you’re not happy with something you’re writing then you won’t be giving it your best and the readers will pick up on that.
Still having problems? Well no shit because you’re reading a forum post right now, you’re not even trying. Unplug your router if you need to but stay off the internet and fucking focus. If you load up a youtube video or go start reading reddit now you’ve as good as admitted defeat. Just type the words, don’t even worry if they’re good. You can fix them later. That story is your baby, don’t give up on it like your parents did on you.
Credits
EndMaster
(And unfortunately also Mizal, Digit, Ebon and HIV IBV)
Stayed tuned for the next exciting truth filled issue…whenever that is.
