It's 2021, and with COVID (hopefully) drawing to a close soon, we're expecting many citizens to rejoin the workforce. (Or, just join the workforce if they haven't before) As such, it's incredibly important for us to gather data on employees and potential employees around the world. With your answers to these easy employment-related questions, we here at Sent Co. can continue to expand our horizons and synergystically impact the bleeding edge of leveraging scalable solutions. Please answer honestly and comprehensively- Your data is extremely valuable to us.
1. Which one of these is the worst job?
A. A Tosher- Or, one who sieves raw sewage for valuable copper, jewelry, or whatever else 1800s Londoners may have flushed down the toilet. It was a highly illegal profession that you could be sent to prison for... For some reason, toshers seemed to find their lifestyles preferable to victorian-era prison. I don't know whether that says more about the prisons of England at the time, or the toshers.
B. The guy in zoos who somehow obtains animal jizz to inseminate the endangered species.
C. The guy in the police evidence warehouse who they make watch all the child porn just to officially confirm that it's child porn. And routinely gets called to the stand as an expert on child porn in the ensuing cases.
D. Chattel agricultural slave.
E. Arabian harem-guard. (The catch is, you have to become a eunuch.)
F. The person who tans leather with piss by hand, for all of pre-industrial society's leather-related needs. It cannot be your own piss, for all the difference that makes.
G. The guy who played Tik Tok in return to Oz. Not only did he have to stand like this for hours, but he also had to play a character named Tik Tok.
H. The person who has to clean out the house whenever a compulsive hoarder dies. Sometimes the person is not discovered for a while, on account of the hoarding.
E. The person who has to taste pet food before it's released to the public. Unlike the child porn guy, this is actually a real job that people have to do.
2. You are promoted to a position of considerable importance in your field, and awarded an illustrious office- The catch is, you must display one of the following trophies of your choosing in a prominent place behind or next to your desk, right next to your primary certification. When people look to see your credentials, this trophy will be the first thing they see. You are not allowed to explain or even talk about the trophy- When they ask about your achievements, you have to pretend they're talking about your diploma/doctorate/whatever credential is right next to it.
A. An array of trophies. The first is "Meth Anonymous, 2 years Meth Free" dated for a few years ago. The next is "Meth anonymous, 1 year Meth Free" dated for a year or so after the first one. There are several 1 year and 2 month trophies after that getting progressively smaller and crappier in size, until they get to today's date.
B. A sports trophy with a golden statuette on top of a brass plaque. The statue depicts a man brutally buttfucking a man who is brutally buttfucking an unhappy goat. The plaque at the bottom has several names- Yours, and many close relatives.
C. A prominent sports trophy- the big championship kind, with 4 column legs acting as a pedestal for a statue of a pantsless, anatomically correct man, bent forward in an awkward position and screaming. Behind him is a toilet with a bullseye engraved on the open seat.
D. A similar trophy, but the statue is of a very muscular person of your gender, choking a baby with both hands. It is labeled either "men's league" or "women's league" respectively.
E. A sport-hunting-style plaque, with a bas relief depicting a wonderful dog in a suburban kitchen smiling obliviously at their food bowl while a person in 1800s duck-hunting gear tiptoes up behind them with a baseball bat.
3. Which of these James Bond henchmen had the best job?
A. The guy in Moonraker who lays around in a coffin on a funerary gondola in venice, and pops out to throw knives at people.
B. The guys in Dr. No who posed as blind hobos while walking through miles of Jamaican Metropolis to avoid suspicion- before walking to the front of a country club and beating up a guy and stealing his car. One of them can apparently read bare paint on a sign like braille.
C. The "mourners" who march in all the fake funeral parades in Live and Let Die. Their job would presumably involve convincingly crying for the first hour or however long it takes for the parade to get where they're going, then, when they kill the guy and put him in the coffin, being all happy and jubilant until they get off to the dump site. It's questionable whether you are supposed to know what the purpose of these "funerals" actually is, just that you apparently have to go to them regularly because it's the exact same people in this parade both times.
4. Select the most powerful tie.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Wow, the first question is already a tough one.
Okay let's get Tik Tok out of the way first. While physically uncomfortable, you'd be able to take breaks and at least you're not doing anything disgusting or getting potentially mutilated.
Pet Food Guy and Hoard Cleaner would be next. While tasting cat food and such would suck a lot, it would be a fairly easy job. The HC job would be more laborious, but a hazmat suit would at least cut down on the potential disgust factor like Axiom's mom's house. Not to mention, you're just throwing shit out, so it's not like you have to worry about precision.
I'd say the jizz boy, and piss guy are next. Piss is generally sterile, however it's still fucking disgusting and the fact you're handling other people's piss makes it worse. The animal jizz boy has got it even worse than that though since he's gotta jack off animals.
The eunuch and slave would be next and they're both pretty bad. The slave has it worse for obvious reasons, but there's always the option to rebel/escape. You'd probably die, but it would end your suffering. The eunuch has it a lot easier on the day to day living, unfortunately that's at the cost of permanent manhood mutilation. Granted it probably happened young and you'd probably be used to it, and in rare cases, a eunuch could still get erect if they didn't cut off your dick with the balls, but that's a major thing to lose man.
Which leaves the final two, Tosher and CP guy.
CP guy, while not suffering the physical things a eunuch or slave would, he's probably doing permanent mental damage to himself on a daily basis. Watching CP day in day out would at best warp him and cause a breakdown, especially if people keep referring to him as the CP expert guy all the time.
Finally, the Tosher is basically like the HC job but without the benefit of modern protection like hazmat suits or even good pair of boots, gloves and masks. Not to mention you're literally going through people's shit in the hopes of finding something valuable so you're lingering around a cess pit of disease for way longer than the guy just tossing out decades of newspapers. The only upside is you could very well find enough valuables to make it worth it, but probably not. Arguably it's most dangerous out of all the them except for the slave, but in this case you're retardedly putting yourself in not only health danger, but legal danger just for a few coppers. (As opposed to being a slave who doesn't have a choice)
It would be easier to just cut up a whore and steal her money on the streets of White Chapel or dig up bodies to sell to the doc's than be a Tosher.
Despite all that, I still have to say having to watch CP on a regular basis would be the worst job.
2. Don't want people to think I'm some meth head, also don't want people to think I'm some gay animal fucker either, so no to the first two trophies.
Following the same train of thought, I don't want people thinking I'm some psycho that kills dogs, so no to the last trophy. That leaves C and D. Trophy C seems like some sort of weird celebration of shitting, so not that one.
The trophy with the guy choking a baby seems the least degenerate, so I guess that one. (Trophy D)
3. A. The Moonraker henchman. The other two choices involve too much work before the fun starts.
4. The red and black tie.
You are well-accomplished in the field. I'm pretty sure the child-choking trophy is the one they give you when you become a cys admin.
the CP guy is a real thing, kind of. generally the police will have a child abuse unit or something similar, whose job it is mostly pertains to that sort of thing. the officer has to review the video material before a charge is pressed, to verify that they're actually not committing a miscarriage of justice. a lawyer from the prosecution and the defence team will also have to review the video evidence at the police station. apparently it's as grim as it sounds
also, I would obviously pick 2C
Oh, shit, I thought they just used an AI that compared it to other images of child porn. Though I guess a lot of humans have to confirm the results of things.
You were supposed to pick the worst job for number one.
Yeah I kept going back and forth between that one being the worst or the CP one being the worst.
I definitely felt as though the baby one was too much of an easy choice, but I kept it in because it was funny. If, say, the factory ran out of baby-choking statues, what would be your second choice?
I'm not sure how a trophy for projectile shitting is any more or less subtle of a dominance play than being a repeatedly ex meth addict
Eunuchs were castrated, not emasculated. They could still function sexually.
Yeah, but they tended to put on some extra fat and lose muscle mass as a result of the procedure. So my vanity would definitely preclude me from becoming a eunuch.
I always thought that would be strange, though. I would want the dude guarding my wives to be as physically fit as possible
Their advantage was usually in numbers, and having finely-crafted equipment. In the later periods they would've been wielding gunpowder weapons, too. I think they were still relatively able to perform, since most of the riffraff they were keeping out would've been malnourished and untrained, and if a rival noble wanted into the harem, he probably would be dealing with the guy's army anyway.
Yeah, but what about my royal dignity. What does it say about me as a sultan if I have fat pussies guarding my beautiful wives? Really, the solution is to train an order of jacked warrior broads. They might go gay with my wives, but that's fine (because they won't produce a bastard and fuck up my royal lineage)
This would've been back in the day when being fat was expensive, and muscle would've been even more expensive. Few people, if any, were training specifically to get big. Virtually any mass would've been intimidating, like how in old cartoons from the 30s before superheroes, the guy you didn't wanna mess with was usually some barrel-chested fat farmer type. If they were castrated before puberty ended, it probably would've also made them tall and gangly, too, giving them more reach than your average 5'6-7 medieval lad. Muscles are pretty cool, but they wouldn't have mattered as much given how ridiculously overpowered weapons are as force multipliers. Eunuchs would've been feared because they were probably highly trained cardiofags with the best and shiniest weapons money could buy.
You would have thought throughout the centuries at least one eccentric Muslim leader would have had the idea of having an order of female harem guards.
The closest I can think of is Gaddafi's all Amazonian Guard and he just cut out the middle woman by fucking them instead of having a regular harem.
Most eunuchs (or so I've heard) can't nut. It would be an exercise in building up all that energy for a few hours of chafing.