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Sick Sick Sick

12 years ago

   Yeah I know this is old, but you all asked for the joke and I couldn't find the original thread, so I just made this one. The old one probably died anyway.

   Anyway, after passing out, I couldn't ven remember the joke! Jay, my friend who told it to me, was seriously concerned and said he wouldn't tell me another joke for 6 months. I don't remember if it's been six months, but he told me what happened, and I still was laughing so hard.

   It actually wasn't a joke. It was more of a "hey look at me I'm so awesome oh God I'm gonna break my head I'm falling..." kind of thing. He was studying gravity and friction and all that crap, and he made a calculation, handed me a stopwatch, and said he would jump from the top of a really tall tree and hit the ground in 3.67 seconds from when he said go to jump. Of course he used the 9.8 meters per second squared crap we all were forced to learn, but our science teachers never really described with us interferences.

   Well, he jumped from the top of the tree. I started the timer. It didn't take him 3.67 seconds to hit the ground. Upon jumping his shirt caught on a branch and he was dangling there at the top of this tree -- and it was a pretty tall tree. It took about three minutes for the branch to snap, and when he fell, I was being questioned by a teacher about how I should be inside. I told him "Idiot. I have all my classes in the morning. So does Jay. Quit bugging me."

   Anyway, he was ratting me out. I was still laughing aboout Jay getting caught in the tree when I heard SNAP... "GAAAAHH!!!!!" Next thing I knew, Jay came down on the teacher, I looked down laughing, there was a HUGE pool of blood and stomach contents, I yelled out scratchily, and passed out.

   Jay said I was laughing, inhaled kind of hard, and threw up all the food I'd had in about a week and 3 minutes' worth of blood pumped from my heart. Dang, that was SCARY when he told me. He just told me Thursday, and I haven't been on the computer since yesterday, and I forgot to post this. Well, there's the "joke"... Hope you enjoyed and weren't too grossed out.

   Also, I suggest not using the Internet April 1st, there's a virus going around that almost immediately shuts down your computer and it will never run again, unless it is dismantled and a new hard drive is inserted. I know this because I take computers. Anyway, be careful and enjoy the site as much as you can.

Sick Sick Sick

12 years ago

I don't get it. How could you have possibly done that? Was... whatever happened, really that funny?

Sick Sick Sick

12 years ago
First of all, that's not funny, why did you let him do that?!

Second of all, viruses don't just "go-around" and going on the internet to sites you know of does not allow you to get viruses. It involves you receiving (and opening) files on your own computer, that yes, could be downloaded from the internet. I know this because I'm not retarded.

Sick Sick Sick

12 years ago

It could be worse, JJJ. He could have written the dialogue for a hacker in a TV show.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ZeroesAndOnes

JJJ's answer in detail, for more confusion:

I'm pretty sure that web servers have high enough security to block anything going through a File Transfer Protocol port if not hosting downloads. Similarly, even the most basic PC firewalls can block unauthorised file transfers.

Most malware (consisting of viruses, worms, trojans, rootkits, keyloggers, spyware etc) has to be attached to something you yourself download.

Unless the virus is on an insecure LAN, in which case it is possible for it to spread. Routers prevent this from happening online.

So to avoid malware, check torrent comments for complaints, NEVER EVAR download keygens, they are ALWAYS trojans, dont click popup ads, and dont go giving out your external IP address.

Sick Sick Sick

12 years ago
To clarify what rommel said about not downloading keygens....

download keygens. Just make sure you use a scanner first. (and not a program, use a site that uses like 20 programs.) Keygens are often trojans, but when bundled with a game, the likeliness is lower.

Sick Sick Sick

12 years ago

To add to what JJJ said, haha:  Always always always check the comments.  You'll always have some noobish retard saying " VIRUS VIRUS!!!1   wHAT THE HELL!!?!?!?/!?1/!?/ ."  You don't want to pay attention to those.  After all, they're usually followed by " ___  is an idiot.  Ran it.  Worked perfectly.  NO VIRUS."

That usually means it's good to go, but use your best judgement and you should be fine...  Just to let you know, viruses that are only up for one day and kill your computer don't exist.

Also, I don't see how that joke was supposed to be humorous. 

Sick Sick Sick

12 years ago
I've been busy learning piano.