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I just thought of this for "Aeternus - Rise of a Legend".

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You make you're way through the royal palace and find the room of Cassia. She stands at the window looking at the night sky, not even facing you as you close the door behind you.

"So my champion arrives at last," she says. "My thoughts have been filled with images of you, not of love...but of battle. Truly, you are one to which the world turns its gaze."

She begins taking slow steps toward you while looking at you from head to toe. "All this time I have been watching you, 'Radious, the Champion of the East' gain glory and fame on the field of battle. Yet your motives, even to me, seem to be shrouded in mystery. Do you fight for your king? Do you fight for fame and glory? Or is it perhaps that you know of nothing but battle?"

Her hand reaches to your shoulder as she draws nearer. "They say, that a single man cannot win a war, but you have proven them false. It is you the men look to for inspiration. As you kill, and massacre the enemy before you they all stand behind you, your name as their battle cry. 'Radious, Radious, Radious'. And here, I stay in seclusion because I am believed to be frail. Whenever you draw near, I feel as though my soul is bound to your. And for a moment...I can see what you see."

She moves behind you. "Do you see what I see warrior? Do you see my world of peace and solitude? Is it the one you crave? Or is it the one you fear? For what will happen when you must place your blade down, and cast aside your armor?"

You tense as her hand runs down you arm.

"Embrace me this night Radious. Let us see the world of another. Let me understand your savage ways of war, and you my serene ways of peace."

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I was going to type more but decided not to. Does this seem like it is doable?

I smell nothing but uncontrollable sex.  Even the harsh, tainted bitching with a certain Svelk MIWouldn'tLF had more romance with retorts, taunts, and insults.

Can you elaborate?

I think he's being sarcastic. But you never know with Swift.

Naw, he's got a good point.

It's a scene that obviously looks like it is leading to sex, but there's nothing really romantic about it.

So why couldn't he just say that? lol I kind of figured he meant that but the way he said it sounded more humorous than not.

It was a good slice from a story, but I'm not sure what your asking. 

Are you asking if you can go further? In which I will say yes as long as you don't go extreme with it. But remember this site is a storygame site and not a erotic writing site.

Are you asking if this is good enough? Yes as well, if you mention it again the next page then it will tell the reader you did indeed sleep with her but without giving any details about the actual event. The story can survive without it.

To be brutally honest, it feels like I'm reading a modernized and Rome-ified edition of Conan the Barbarian.

@Sentinel: I actually never saw Conan the Barbarian

I guess romance would be the wrong thing to say. This scene sort of leads along the story progression of the character Cassia who is only interested in you (Radious) because of your skill in battle. I wanted to see if the writing itself was okay.

I never saw Conan either, I only read the pulp. Not to say you write like a pulp fiction mag story, (We know from H.P. Lovecraft however that that's not a bad thing anyway.) but it's that same kind of idea, brawny epic world-conquering hero of awesome encounters multiple hot chicks, (On the cover, they usually wear something skimpy or leather) some of them adventurers, and some of them combat-virgin royals. He usually sweeps them off their feet in some way, by rescuing them or impressing them in battle, and then slams what's presumably a 7-inch "barbarian's spear" into her genitals. Of course, they never go into extreme detail. They had at least SOME class back in 1920, a feature sadly lacking on Deviantart...

Not to say that it's a cliche either, it's a valid story archetype, and one that hasn't been overused since 1950-something.

It just has that ring to it, and it's really not a bad thing. I don't know why I said "To be brutally honest" either anyway, because now the whole thought of it is making me feel a bit nostalgic...

Lol, I didn't realize I was following a cliche. The three romances that I plan on putting in is: The daughter of the King which is above (although she isn't the most loving type), a servant girl who may or may not be alive depending on the PC's actions, and a warrior girl.

Oh, it's not a cliche, it's a trope, very different. It was a cliche at one point, but it's had a good, long rest, so now it's a trope again.

Honestly, it sounds like the female here is more of a savage XD

That's what I was going for.  :)

Well, aside from a couple of grammatical errors, I just find it kinda odd how Radius doesn't speak up during all of this. I dunno, it's almost a speech, and you make no real actions through it.

I imagine her beauty is just that hypnotic.

I deliberately didn't put any of Radious's dialogue because I just wanted to see how Cassia's character would show through hers. In the actual story you'll have some choices as to how Radious responds to her.

That would explain it then. I felt like it was a movie romance scene of some random movie. lol     Maybe your choices would remove/fix that feeling then. :P

That's what I thought to. 

I can agree in that I do not find it a "romantic" scene but I do feel it's fairly well written and it sounds interesting to me. My attention span is a bit shorter than I'd like to admit these days, but I would like to see the story this excerpt is attached to and that says something.

I guess I like the age old question of "what becomes of a born and bred soldier in times of peace?" Can you really give up everything you were taught to be? Can you really find happiness in leaving all you know behind? (Of course, soldiers today tend to have lives outside of the military, but throughout history, there were people who were literally bred to fight. I can't imagine abandoning my only way of life.)

I can't help but point out "I feel as though my soul is bound to your." xD Missing an S there, mah friend.

I had realized that a while ago but I can't fix it. >.<

Yeah, I'm not feeling Radious being all that into her.  (Sorry, but that name makes me think of calculus or anatomy.)

He seems more um, intimidated than aroused?  She comes off as really predatory, and not actually all that interested in what he thinks/feels- more like she's just about to demand sex.

I wanted to make her character seem to be someone that you would naturally feel uncomfortable around. I was told that I'd have to give the characters their own unique personality. What's better than a predator? :P

Chick sounds like she is full of herself. Made me wanna bitch slap her during the monologue. I guess she has great power (and by that I mean soldiers in her command) that would stop me from doing so, right?

She's the daughter of the king you're in service of. However, you (Radious) can outright tell the king that you don't fight for him but that won't make her any less interested in you.

The writing seems fine, but there's no chemistry between the characters. It's a soliloquy, and as such, it doesn't work for a romance scene. The MC should be doing something while she's on her tirade. Backing away, getting closer, etc. it just doesn't click.

Well, the hardest part for me right now is giving the player/reader a reason to find her likable, if she just turns out to be someone you love to hate I guess that would work. Why do you describe her talk as a tirade?

Yeah, doesn't seem romantic so much as a set up for a sex scene. It probably comes off like a tirade due to the one sided conversation.

It is odd that you're not doing anything as she is putting all her moves on you. Your arm tenses up when she touches you, but that's about it. It's like she put a mind control spell on you or something.

Even if she possesses hypnotic beauty, you need to at least have that running in the protagonist's mind. He should at least be thinking something or feeling emotion even if he's not being overly active or talkative.