Hello! I'm a major fan of the show Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, so I've made a fan fiction story for it, starring me and my friends' OCs. It isn’t completed, but I at least have the prologue done. I will accept a bit of criticism. Enjoy!
Heart pounding, the figure raced across the nighttime rooftops. Her necklace was beeping, its noises getting louder and more frequent by the second. She had a destination up ahead, and with a final leap she landed at her destination, a balcony. Moments after her touchdown, a bright, silver-blue light emitted from the necklace. If anyone else had been there, they would have seen a small owl-like creature come from the necklace as well. After giving a small sigh of relief, the figure walked into her bedroom.
Is this an prologue? It's difficult to tell without anything following it up, but usually an prologue tells a separate piece of the story that you'll need for background knowledge. At least, in my experience. This just seems like the first paragraph of a story.
The writing itself is fine, I'd delete the words "as well" at the end of the fifth sentence so it flows a little better.
I'm not familiar with the T.V. show, so I won't be able to provide a critique regarding how your story fits into that framework. However, since you've only included the beginning of your story so far, I don't think that background knowledge will be necessary for now.
The pacing of your sentences works well. I didn't notice any run-ons or improper usage of commas, and none of them felt unnaturally short or long. Some of your descriptions also really help to add suspense to the atmosphere (e.g. "heart pounding", "its noises getting louder and more frequent by the second".) It has a 'hook' to it that helps draw the reader into your story.
I agree with TheChef that this is more of an introductory paragraph that a prologue. I also noticed a couple instances where you repeated words (e.g. 'destination', 'necklace') that could be replaced by synonyms. This would help to improve the flow of your writing.
Overall, it is a good start.
Now that I think about it, it’s not so much as a prologue, but more of a foreshadowing to an event that will happen later in my story. The technical first chapter is partially done, so I’d say maybe a week give or take until it’s finished. Thanks for the tips I have been left so far!
If the god-narrator knows her heart is pounding, it doesn't make much sense to distance that by calling her, "the figure." You could describe the figure just with external clues, or let us know directly who she is.
Well, I suppose the figure thing was a little off, but if my story goes the way I hope, then “the figure” will be reviled later on.
Yes! Vague is exactly what I’m going for! The whole point of this part is to be mysterious about everything.
I've kinda lost interest in writing this, but I am now (trying) to make a comic on the same story I have planned. If anyone wants to help me, I will gladly accept your help. I hope I will pull through with this one!