I've started working on a new storygame in the advanced editor and thought I'd get some feedback from you guys.
It's a storygame I am adapting from a novel I've been working on for the past two years. I am hoping that not only will it help me out with writing the book, but also maybe give me some fresh ideas for it as well. Don't worry, this is spoiler free!
So here is the basic story line:
You will begin the game as Dmitri Chekov, a Russian boy living on the outskirts of St. Petersburg with your mother and step-father. Your country is currently in the midst of the Checken-Russian war, which your father died in only two years prior to the present story. Your mother has remarried a man who, unlike your kind hearted father, is a drunk with a mean streak. The first chapter weaves the tale of your home life as the Russian Winter blankets the world around you. The tired, world weary woman whom you call Mama lives in the middle of a difficult decision. She has married a man who abuses both herself and her child, but without him you would both starve or freeze to death without a home. You will see the difficult home life through a child's eyes, ultimately you will have to make a very adult decision at the ripe young age of ten.
In Chapter two you play Dmitri as he runs away to the nearby city of St. Petersburg. Battling hypothermia in the frigid night, only to be unknowingly saved by a little girl name Anastasia. She has been homeless for nearly two years, having escaped an orphanage. She lets you stay in her "house", a condemned storage facility where she has gathered various blankets and a sleeping bag, along with many other "treasures". All too soon you are submersed into the world of Russia's street children. A mixture of orphans, runaways, or both who either band together in large gangs or pair off into small groups of friends. The methods of survival can be harsh, but you must make many difficult choices between an easier survival, or doing what you think is right despite it making things more difficult. All the while you may forge powerful friendships or begin to harbor dangerous enemies.
In Chapter three time will fast forward four years. You are fourteen and Anastasia is twelve. At this ripe young age you must face an adult world, which all too soon you discover is violent and wicked. Will you face your adult decisions with anger, violence, and a possessive tendency or will you be patient, compassionate, and loving? Will you allow yourself to grow close to the girl who saved you that night four years ago or will you push her away, only viewing her as a means of survival?
Chapter four again will fast forward time four more years, you will be eighteen and Anastasia sixteen. No longer homeless, you have managed to secure a small, cheap apartment. But, jobs are scarce and money nearly worthless in the midst of a nation wide financial crisis. Opportunities will come to you in the form of life changing choices. Will you turn to crime, serve your country, or be a simple jack of all trades? Will you begin to see the beginnings of love for the beautiful young woman you have protected and befriended throughout eight years of just trying to survive? Or is she simply a nuisance, a nagging woman constantly questioning your decisions?
Chapter five will bring all of your conclusions to one of several endings. The nature of which you will have to play the game to see!
Let me know what you think! Good or bad, I want to hear your opinions. Suggestions are more than welcome! I am trying to keep the game as realistic and historically accurate as possible, but not to the point of it being boring. There will be action, romance, and tear jerker scenes! Coming soon!
This sounds very cool. Good luck with it.
Thank you so much for playing through the preview! I'm thrilled that you liked it.
Yes, grammar is not my forte and I have dyslexia, so its no surprise to me that I have a lot of mistakes. I'm planning on finding a proof reader once I've finished the game. Although, I'm wondering if it would be better to find someone for that as I finish each chapter.
I've been struggling with the idea for pictures throughout the game. I'm really glad you brought that up, since I wasn't convinced that pictures were a good idea for the general story. What I may do is just stick to using them for the various endings(so far there are two possible ones between chapter 1 and 2, sort of game over types). And I've been considering using them for chapter openings, but finding appropriate pictures of St. Petersburg to match both the time of day, year, and season is difficult. Most pictures you find of that city are of the better parts and hardly ever show the slums on the outskirts of the city.
I'm going to do a quick run through of what I have so far and work on the problem of switching between past and present tense. And work with the pictures.
Again thank you so much for the feedback, I hope you continue to preview and review what I have so far. And hopefully others will do the same as well!
I have gone over all the pages of chapter one and most, if not all, grammar, spelling, and present/past tense mistakes should be fixed therein. Many of the pages also got a rewrite for better quality and description. If anyone comes across more mistakes in that(or any chapter for that matter), please let me know the title of the chapter and page so I can fix it. :)
Hopefully I will finish up chapter 2 soon and will go through the detailing/proof reading process of that chapter in the next few days so I can begin chapter 3!
Edit:Forgot to add to that I added a few more variables that will greatly effect the outcome of the final chapter depending on the players choices.
Thanks for all comments/suggestions. Until next update!
I am extraordinarily excited. Which category will this belong to? I can definitely see featured story potential in this one so let me know when it's published.
I will put it under the Modern Adventure category.
And thank you so much for the compliment! I am thrilled that you think it has so much potential!
I forgot to add to the update that I have worked out two different kinds of variables for this story. I'm calling them Behavior and Relationship variables.
Again it is a WIP so if anyone does a playthrough of chapter two, I would greatly appreciate it if you would take note if you get different options and outcomes depending on your choices up to that point. I am still getting the hang of the advanced editor and I need to make sure it's all running smoothly.
As always I appreciate any mistakes being pointed out so I can fix them
P.S. If anyone is interested I don't mind giving a tiny sneak peek of the other two love interests, since they don't appear until chapter three. Unless you would prefer it stay a surprise.
If this is anywhere near how awesome as it sounds, you can be sure that it will be featured in modern adventure.
I certainly hope it lives up to expectations. I am putting a lot of work into it, so it is taking a lot of time. I pretty much have to write each scenario no less than 4 times.
For example (this isn't really in the story because I don't want to spoil anything, but this is how I am working it):
You decide to buy a gift for a girl.
You pick a gift(assume there is a good, bad, normal choice).
That's just a basic idea, and keep in mind that is just the branching of the ?right girl, right gift? choice. It keeps branching from there and eventually the choice then stops branching and returns to the general story line or corresponding story line depending on the chapter. I've made it so the inactive links are not visible, and the title of the pages for the good, bad, normal version of scenarios are the same. You won't know which scenario you've achieved until you've got it, so choices may not always be obvious. Just because it sounds right, doesn't mean it'll end right. You'll have to take into account what type of behavior you've been cultivating and if it'll mesh well with that choice. Not to mention if you have made a good impression on the supporting character if there is someone helping you at the time of that choice.
I like to keep an element of surprise
As you can imagine, having to do this each time the player has to make a decision is a lot of work. But, I'm loving every minute of it! This is an adaptation from a novel I've been working on, so I know exactly how I want each page to be. I just have to actually make them. Right now I think there are about 14 possible outcomes just from the very first example of this sort of choice in chapter 2(some of these are still being written).
That is immense! Try not to stretch too far.
Will do! I'm still having a lot of fun with it and if I notice it becoming more of a work than a play type of thing I'll back off the branching for awhile.
The main reason I am using Russian words and phrases in certain conversations, and not others, is because due how many parts of the Russian language are extremely different from English some words and phrases will translate in a way that sounds nothing like the actual Russian phrase. So for the sake of attempting to reflect an authentic view of Russian culture and language at that time, I will use their language.
However, I am not using Cyrillic script(Russian Letters). As a result, understanding the sounds associated with how one word can mean different things depending on the tone it is said in will be much more difficult. Which is why each use of a word/phrase will have an explanation of it's meaning in that particular instance. But, taking out the factor of the Cryillic script makes the words readable to the average player.
There is also a little(very little) of the Tatar language used on a couple pages and likely will seldom be used after them. So if you ever get confused, don't be afraid to scroll down to the bottom of a page. I guarantee you will find the explanation for the word/phrase you are confused on.
Until next Update!
This is gonna be awesome. All I have to say, is that I can't wait.
simplesabley could you tell med how you play the preview cant find any link in this discussion and in your site space the game is unpublished therefore i cant access it. would be cool if you can tell me.
Opps, that was my mistake. I completely forgot I had it unpublished. I am almost done with chapter two. So I should be finished by tonight and I'll publish it and post an update announcing the demo version.
This story looks awesome, and I can't wait until it is finished! Good luck, and have a nice day.
Thanks so much! I am really glad everyone likes the idea. I should have the demo version published by tonight or tomorrow morning. Hopefully it will live it up to expectations!
Demo version is now published!
Chapters 1-2 are complete!
Please enjoy the demo version! And as always any and all feedback is welcome! Also as it is a demo, it will be available for two days before I unpublish it to start with chapter 3. Any mistakes you find please let me know the chapter and page title so I can fix it.
The glossary is a work in progress and wont be available for the demo at this time. But, it's coming soon!
Let me know what you think! Enjoy!
I posted this in the comments section, but the only thing I found wrong with it was occassionaly (not very often at all) you would mix tenses. I forget the exact quote but at one point you put "you were" and "you are" in the same sentence right after you escape from the house.
Thank you! I keep playing through the demo myself and finding errors like that. I'm trying to take notes on all of them and hopefully fix them in a few days when I unpublish it.
Last day for the demo game.
I'll unpublish it tomorrow morning and start working on it again. Thank you everyone for playing it and giving feedback. And a big thank you to those who found a few errors for me to fix!
After playing through it several times myself I also found a few things I need to work on.
So, tomorrow I will begin working with chapter 3! And I plan on that being the chapter when things get really interesting. And hopefully the next time I publish the glossary will be finished and available for viewing.
Good luck! It was very well done, I am excited to read the whole thing once your done.
I have to say I liked what I read a lot. It was extremely well written (though the tenses were a little messed up, but that has already been mentioned). I was hooked pretty quickly, but that could have just been I was excited to read it because of what I read earlier on this thread :). Anyway I would give you an A+ good work, I can't wait for the rest!
Thank you everyone for playing the demo. I am very please that after being played over 100 times and rated 7 times, it received an overall rating of 7/8!
Here's the update!
Also(and I'll make a separate thread for this), while the game was published for demo I started working on another story game. Of course, it isn't nearly as detailed as The Street Children. It's just a little fan fiction I put together for a much less complex gaming experience. I'll probably publish it for demo shortly as I won't work on it with The Street Children no longer published.
Thanks all, til next update!
Sorry for taking so long to update guys. My next semester of Radiology Tech is coming up and it's going to be brutal so I've been scrambling around trying to get all my books, ect. And then my birthday(as usual) is during the first week of the semester(AKA you get dropped if you miss any class during the first week). But, I'll be out of town through the weekend for a camping trip(hopefully this time I won't wreck my four wheeler and break my nose and need surgery to be able to breath through it again)<-- wish that wasn't a true story. But, there were pictures. Horrible, horrible ugly pictures...
Anyhow, back to the update! It's short and sweet this time around. :)
Oh yes, the plot thickens. Drama unfolds. Violence in the streets!(ok not really, but there is one fight).
Until next update:
(Sorry I've been meaning to post about this but i keep forgetting) by playing the demo i could tell this is going to be a great story and for someone's first story it looks really good I cant wait for it to be done.
Well I'm back home. Turns out there was literally no phone service, much less internet, up in those mountains. So, I didn't get any work done :(
But, on the plus side. I didn't flip or break any bones this trip! Yay for being wreckless with no consequences.
Ahem... yes, well anyways. I'll be getting back to work on chapter 3 now. ^_^
Woo! No broken bones, though broken bones are awesome for telling stories to your buddy's they are not all that fun to get.
Oh yes, so very true. I've got one too many stories in that category haha.
It's time for another update!
Here is a little intro to a few characters you will be meeting. Don't worry, this is spoiler free and does not involve the love interests.
This is the supporting character cast. They each receive their own variables and how high your scores are with each of them will effect the game. And, of course, behavioral variables will effect how and when you meet them, as well as your beginning score with them. But, what sort of a person encourages a friendship, neutral acquaintance, or enemy with which person will have to wait until you play the game. :P
Obviously, certain traits will be more attractive to individuals that can relate to them. And you will have to choose wisely who you wish to go out of your way for, as depending on your interactions with them they could become a powerful ally or enemy, or perhaps they will never majorly effect your life.
Also, these descriptions all relate to their introduction in chapter 3. These characters are dynamic and will change as time passes in the game, as well as with whatever type of relationship you build with them. However, they are all non-romantic interests at the moment. Hopefully they aren't too stereotypical, though I left out a lot of the more interesting facts so as not to spoil any of the in game surprises I have in store. :)
Wow. Really impressive and I love what I'm reading so far. Can't wait to see the finished product :) Have to agree with what 3J was mentioning earlier, I can definitely see this being featured.
Chapter Three is half way finished and I have started working on some parts of Chapter four as well. It's going a little slow, but I'm going to take my time and not rush the middle and final chapters. I'm averaging about five paragraphs a page right now haha :)
What I've been doing:
Chapter three should be finished soon and things are going much more smoothly since I redid the variables and links. I also reorganized some stuff on my own part which makes it much easier to for me to achieve my goal of keeping this game highly immersible. So far by my own estimation, for every 3 pages the player actually sees, there are between 10-15 more that were possible if the player had different scores.
Next update should be with me finishing Chapter 3. :)
I can hardly wait. This is like the time I was jumping up and down because the Ravens playoffs games were so exciting.
I'm so glad people are excited!
Almost done with chapter three.
Sorry it's taking so long guys, since the new semester started I've been pulling 40 hour work weeks, plus 16 credit hours a week in school. And they just started loading us down with papers, tests, projects, ect. So by the time I get on here, I have a horrible case of my brain being fried.
But, it's getting done slowly, but surely!
This weekend being labor day weekend I should get it completely finished and start on chapter 4. This is quickly turning more of an interactive novel than a story game XD.
A month or so more? Can I wait that long?
Somewhat. I may release another demo version when I get more done, that way I get a little break from it, and everyone gets to give me more feed back. But, at the pace this is moving it could be Christmas before the full version is actually released. But, I promise it'll be worth the wait. 9 possible endings! lol :)
But, since I started using excel to create a spreadsheet to keep track of all my different variables and it does my math for me(thank goodness!), that part is at least completely caught up and worked out. :)
But seriously, don't be afraid to take your time and do it right =)
Yes, that's half of why it is taking so long. I've had this story in my head for several years and now I'm being a perfectionist about it. Plus I've become surprisingly biased to one of the love interests right now and I've been ignoring the other possible girls in my writing. So I need to go back and make them equals again XD
Okay, chapter three is turning out to be HUGE. If I didn't base the chapter start/end on a time leap, I would have broken it up a bit XD. Anyways, I am SO close to the end of Chapter 3. I've been saying that for a few weeks now, but for real this time. 3/4's done with it :D
Whew, it actually makes me feel good to see that I actually have put a dent in completing this chapter. When I look at it from playing through the game it seems like so little -_-. But, I'm trying really hard to make every little choice in the game have an effect on what happens, even it is a very behind the scenes effect. Hopefully when it's all complete it will have a feel of 'you find something new everytime you play', even if it's only a difference of one page after awhile. :D
Since I'll be gone for 10 weeks for BCT with the army, I'm allowing sneak preview for this game again. :)
I'm still waiting.