So you ended up where no one ever wants to be. The Netherworld. The Infernal Regions. The Inferno. The Abyss. The Lower World. The Great Pit. Abbadon. Perdition. Tophet. The Abode of the Damned. Eternal Damnation. If you haven't gotten it yet, let me spell it out for you. You're in Hell. You are supposed to spend all of eternity here "atoning" for your sins.

 Yet again... what did you do exactly to deserve this? Could you get out?

 Most of the descriptive information used in this story is from the Divine Comedy. While not actually a "canon" part of the Christian faith, much of what is contained in the epic is used by modern Christians when picturing Hell. For example, this is where the idea that Hell has 9 layers comes from. I also had to make some changes for the sake of the story. I also took a lot of inspiration from many different sources for angels. Some I took just for a name and some I also took the job and description.

First published- 10/31/2024

11/23/2024 edit- A long overdue update. I was hoping to republish by halloween but things got in the way. What's new? More words. A LOT more words. I should have kept count. There are also more unique deaths, angels, and a few not-so-secret endings! Still a quiz but at least the basic concept has been more elaborated upon. It was bothering me for a while.

 Submission for Endmaster's Myth and Religion Contest

This is a quiz BTW.

 As a young hunter of the Koyotep tribe, you set out to prove yourself to your community. You'll have to navigate the complexities of your tribe's culture, beliefs and way of life, as well as the harsh conditions of the natural environment. Will you rise to the challenge and become a hero, or will you fail and be left behind?

  While the tribe, characters, and events in the story are fictional, they are loosely based off of real tribes from around 800 B.C.E in Siberia, Russia. This story had a lot of missed potential that I did not have the time to include. I might revisit it someday.

 Submission for EndMaster's Prompt Contest 2 

Prompt: A story set in the ancient world. This means anytime before the fall of the Roman Empire. And yes, if you don't want to strictly be historical, you can fill it with Atlantean technology or whatever.

You are a young man from Norway at the end of the Viking age. What will you do?

 for Endmaster's Prompt Contest 3

Quest for The Holy Grail

They are occasionally found in storygames if the author makes one and you get to the right ending.

Well so far this one can write without AI so hopefully not

Alright here's the deal. I don't want to accept a noob that might up and dissappear tomorrow and never be seen again. I think you have potential as a writer here, especially if you work on your grammer. If you can write a decent review for 10 different storygames by September 3rd and you are still around, I'll let you in.

It's a start.

The main thing that stood out to me immediately is paragraph spacing. Jesus fucking christ. Please double check that your paragraph spacing remains intact when you copy and paste from google docs or microsoft word or whatever. The block of text that is only sometimes broken by a hit of the enter key is not enough spacing. Just take the time to hit that key just a couple more times before sending. There also has to be some better separation with dialogue.

Punctuation needs to be dealt with as well. There are FAR too many commas. I also find that I struggle with this as a writer, but it's okay to end a sentence and start another. Too many commas is just as bad as no punctuation at all. Its just one long run-on string. There are also some missing quotation marks in some areas.

I am a sucker for stories that paint a picture of the world the main character is in and their established connection to it. I was apprehensive that this might have been yet another AI bit of nothing, but as established in a recent thread it can't really grasp this kind of writing. Everything and everyone that you wrote was very clearly biased from Becca's unique perspective and experience. I thoroughly enjoyed that aspect of the segment.

My main gripe with the chapter as a whole is that there is no real push back. Becca has been estranged from her parents for three years already, which is elaborated maybe a few too many times in this snippet. She has been living independently and only minimally interacting with them. Then with a stern look and a few words about cooperation she caves immediately to her parent's demands. I have a theory of what might have caused this, and I think it could have been done slightly better. My guess is that you wanted to establish Becca quickly as a strong and independent woman while also trying to advance an arranged marriage plot too soon. You don't want to write her as just another meek and obedient damsel who is forced into an archaic situation by the will of her parents, but by writing Becca this way you kind of shoot yourself in the foot with her immediately crumbling under the slightest pressure. It makes all of the time estranged meaningless. She might as well have been living under her parent's thumbs from the beginning. Maybe if there was some sort of blackmail or cultural element that prevented her from walking away, I could buy it.

Otherwise my comments are mostly nitpicky. The "call me tomorrow" thing is a bit abrupt of an ending to the chapter, The kissing at the alter line and overall shock that there's going to be a wedding when that is usually implied with a marriage seems out of place, and maybe try using comparisons outside of the apartment and the living room for the guy's warm eyes. I think this can really be something if you take some time and decide what direction you are trying to go with Becca's character and the vibe of the story in general.

It's both

I would recommend the Sackett series by Louis L’Amour. There are many books in the series, starting with the colonization of new england and eventually going into the wild west. The themes of family, adventure, and the rapid expansion of civilization in wild places are amazing. The first book chronologically is called Sackett's land, but you could also start the series at The Daybreakers if you want to skip from colonial to western.

Story A

I don't think we have finished any league lower than first place! Also there is some sort of back to school event starting in 5 hours so look out for that.

I think that another difference was probably that you likely raced on competitive, where the game takes the best player's speed and uses that for word count and bot difficulty as opposed to casual, where the bot difficulty varies and the word count is set to your usual type speed.