2205

This is not bad. Not bad at all. The choice structure was clumsy at times, with the dreaded "go left/go right" choice with no context and an insta-die if you coin flip wrong. Way too reliant on that.

But the narrative was decently long, and there were a few authentically interesting ideas, tactical choices, and moments of exploration. The writing itself was a bit blah, in terms of sentence structure, even though this author does have a good sense of how to describe things.

This storygame could have been really quite good if as much time were given to polishing the second half as the first half, as the descriptions and the choice structure gets a bit sloppy as it goes on.

Similarly, although the first bits do make some effort to establish setting, it does so only lightly. Not enough time and description is spent establishing what the year 2205 is like or the clearly post-apoc maurading that's going on. The author has a really cool setting--much more should be done with it.

An interesting diversion to consider its potential.

Ok then, let's take this apart piece by piece.

First of all, we don't get that much backstory on our character or the world we live in, I mean, all that I found out was that my parents were killed by a robber, but that's pretty much it as for the world itself, it feels post-apocalyptic, but I wouldn't know, I died to fast.

Another problem of the game was that most of the choices were either do or die, so there goes choosing in choosing my story, you need to make multiple paths, not only a straight one.

Your grammar was... mediocre at best, don't get me wrong, it wasn't too bad, but I wasn't engaged at all by the writing itself, so I'm sorry, but if you ever make any other story-games, then you should improve your grammar a bit.

Yeah, despite all this, the story actually had a bit more potential that I've shown in this review, so I've given it a 4/8 in the hopes that if you ever make a storygame again, we get to see it's grammar improved.

Images would be cool

Great job, ngl. It has the right doses of drama, action, and humor. Ther are ZERO grammatical errors, and perhaps one of the best plots I have ever seen. 7/8 for you!

It was great, however I was not the difficult, because I have been taught how to deal with an active shooter in a building.

Definitely written by a kid with a fascination with guns. In terms of execution, however, this is on par with a CYOA paperback, minus the fact that there are some rather egregious typos.

Pro tip: Cut out all the expository ("back story") stuff and just focus on the action. And give hints in the text so that the player isn't making blind choices all the time.

The plot was interesting and engaging, and I was happily surprised at how long it was considering the story’s 2/8 length.

But the branching (sigh). The entire thing was linear, with the wrong choices leading to either “go back” or death. There is only one good ending. Also, there are two do-or-die left/right choices that are entirely 50/50, as well as a lot of other do-or-die choices that feel pretty random.

3/8.

Well.... The actual story itself is not that bad, but a lot of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Have a good day(or night)????

I felt as if I was given vague information tactically that led to make uninformed decisions. And the right/left decisions are guess right or die. This could've been a lot better. Nice try.

The ending got rushed a bit, but the intro was nice... 4/8