Dark Nights

Wow. You know, I think you were too hard on yourself with this one. I'm a massive Huntress fan and an even bigger Batman/Gotham City fan, and this was a very well-written and enjoyable piece.

It is just the right length; not too long, not too short. It was constantly moving forward at a brisk pace, but knew what it was saying and still managed to present the ongoing plot clear enough. I was never confused or stumped once on anything.

Helena was characterized and represented well, if a bit too quick to change her mind about us. If she's had a crush on us secretly the entire time, too, it certainly wasn't given enough setup. And if not, then she warms up to us a bit quick, at least by my tastes. Besides this, the author is obviously a fan, as well, and manages to execute her character very well. I enjoyed the romance and some of the funny scenes during it landed, especially the optional one in the shower. It was a humorous glance at the awkward and slightly-inept social mindsets of these nightly crimefighters and how they pretty much only have each other when you choose such a dangerous and isolating path. Overall, that combined with how charming and badass Helena was, made that portion of the story very fun and satisfying, linear as it was.

Now onto the PC: The Question. Honestly, not much to say, here. You took one of Batman's most obscure villains, and presented him from his legendary vigilante arc extremely good. Everything from his inner voice to his dialogue and choices; all very true to that version of the character and greatly presented. I especially enjoyed the ending paths where we could choose essentially just how much Helena dying potentially consumes us: kill everyone inside and ensure her safety but lose yourself once again and potentially even her, or stay true to your vows and prove you can do it all by not breaking who you are now trying to be. It all comes together in a fantastic, short and sweet game that is a shining beacon of what good fanfiction really looks like in the dark, cold, unforgiving city of Cystia.

I learned a lot of life lessons from “Dark Nights,” not the least of which is that breaking into a woman’s home leads to buttsex.

This was a very enjoyable story with a lot of cool action scenes in it. The writing was good, and there were a lot of parts that made me laugh. I especially liked the running gag of nobody knowing who the Question was and comparing him to other people. The shower scene also made me laugh.

The interactions with the various villains were fun, especially the Penguin. The Iceberg Lounge sounds like a cool place. The ropes and the acid capturing thing is also a classic supervillain move that’s kind of cool and can thus be forgiven for the impracticality. Rule of Cool reigns supreme.
However, the motive of the Italian Guy could have maybe been expanded on or something. If he had been so set on killing Huntress and knew who she was for so many years, why had it taken him that long to do it? Why not kill her when she was a child?

Although the melee fighting action was very cool, it was fun in the one path to finally get to use a real gun. Yes, yes. This is a “killing people is bad” kind of story, but it’s just so much more efficient that way.

The branching style relies on a lot of choice tracking and is such that it can be a bit of a pain to find all the pages, but the story was short enough that it wasn’t that big of a deal compared to others that do similar things. Still, this is not what I would consider the ideal branching style.
There were several ways to reach some of the endings, and all the endings were pretty fun to get. However, the yandere ending was my favorite by far. It’s hard to top that one.

There weren’t any grammar issues that were noticeable enough to be distracting for me as a reader, which was good.

I had fun reading this and would recommend it to anyone who would like to read a shorter, action-packed story.

Your story reads like a comic book, which is both good and bad.

Your page with the illustration was my favorite... It was easy to picture (obviously), but that also made the interaction and dialogue more entertaining. The other pages suffered from a lack of detail (and I found myself wishing there were pictures – although I realize that would require massive effort).

Occasionally the logic of the scene was off (for example, why would a recently-escaped fugitive threaten to call the cops; and, for that matter, why aren’t we arresting him seeing as how he just escaped?... also, why did she take “I didn’t do it” for an answer after all the work to reach the guy she was questioning?).

The action was fun. You have a great knack for entertaining and comic-book-esque choices. They were full/complete actions (rather than just “punch” vs “duck”) that were varied... and there was (usually) a clear logic behind which choice was going to be better (without it being too obvious). There were though probably too many specifically “fight” action choices in a row; so, at some point, I just wanted to skip rather than figure out how I wanted to hit the next bad guy. Maybe some choices around how to hack the computers could be added? Also, some seduction/lust-oriented decisions (like whether or not to peek at the Huntress taking the shower (i.e. you notice a crack in the door)/whether or not to make a pass at her/whether to compliment her personality vs her looks etc.) would have added some more dimension to the types of choices (*spoiler apart from the dance choice, which was unexpected and a nice surprise... but would have preferred that we actually did get to dance... to add another scene with romantic emotion).

*spoiler The twist at the end of the unrequited love scenario was unexpected (and pretty funny as a result). I actually liked that he was so over-the-top spiteful because it gave the main character some internal conflict/dimension (which had been lacking). Probably if there were hints of this sooner (perhaps flares of pre-emptive anger when you are sleeping on the couch? Being angry because she refuses a kiss despite you “having been helping her so much" so "she owes you” at the mid-way point?) it would add nicely to the main character’s depth.

Overall, it was very good. If it had more pictures (or, you spent more time explaining the details of each scene... especially with regards to what I’m seeing, feeling, and thinking at the moments of the most intense drama and emotion), I would rate it higher. Thanks for the fun read!

Really could use a rework, not because its bad, but because is does not fell quite as good as it could be.
Concept is good, although some pages are short, it does not over extent but also, the story is a really short exposition even thought I find it entertaining.
I agree with the comment that it reads like a comic book.

I really enjoyed this one.

9/10 would read again.

You put the word "try" into too many of the choices. I could tell what would and would not work because of it. In the future, remember that there is no try, there is only do or do not.

I was not instantly impressed with this but after a while I was super happy.??.

Great! The ending was sweet, and the story kept me on my toes.

This game was decent. I actually quite enjoyed the game, and I think it was good for what it was. I liked that it was a little more ambitious than the other question games, and your other stories in general. You did a good job with this one in establishing all of your plot points, and making a coherent plot. Also if you haven't played the game, then stop being a moron and play it before reading my review. I never will get you people who read the review before the story. Though TLDR it is good. Play it now.

Now one thing I like about this story is nice mix between a grounded story and a epic. There both have advantages and disadvantages attached to them, though they can be overcome. In a grounded story you have the advantage of writing less, meaning you can edit it easier, and that results in a more polished product. Also it appeals to everyone, even if they don't have free time to waste on an epic. Also it will be a lot more of a straightforward plot. The disadvantages are that it will often leave the reader with lots of questions, and also if they enjoyed the story they may be sad to see it end so soon after it started. Though epics have the exact reverse advantages and problems that grounded stories have. This story manages to capture the advantages of both as well as minimizing the disadvantages. Though it will not be able to take part in the full effect of the advantages as a result.

Though talking more about the story itself, I liked the twist. When you learned it and he explained it everything just snaps into place. These are moments I treasure in every story, and this one is no exception.

I wasn't a big fan of the branching however. I didn't like how you had to chase down all these different people before being able to get to the final part. It also was very liner, while also doing the thing where the final choice you make determines your ending. Needless to say, with the length it is it could have used more branching imo.

In conclusion this is a solid game. Everything about it is good and I would say it is my favorite one from you chris. Everyone should read it if they have a half hour to spare and that is all I have to say about that.

6 out of 8

Liked it, pretty fun stuff!