Dispiteous

Honestly, this is the first story that I ever saw on this site, that even came close to Love SICK level.

It’s dark, it’s edgy, it’s gory, it’s taboo breaking, and it’s definitely the type of story I like seeing around here.

The story of course is very short since you wrote it within a time limit, but I think with stories like this they work better on the shorter side of things since “edgelord tales” tend to get dull unless you break things up now and then.

Still, it probably could have been a little bit longer and not wore out its welcome. I can imagine that if you had the time you would have easily been able to expand on the fucked up family dynamics a lot more (Perhaps a bit more about the mom) and potentially added more branches and such. I know you have that creativity and talent since you tend to excel with this style of writing.

Anyway I liked it a lot.

(It’s no Love SICK, of course)

Whelp, that was... disturbing... I don't know what I can really say anymore about this than that I already did while proofreading the beginning (tagging doesn't work in storygame descriptions btw).

The writing was good, tough this genre of story isn't exactly my favorite, and though you only put two hours of work into this, it didn't really show. There were a decent amount of endings, though some of them (like the 'grown-up' ones felt a little rushed because of the sudden jump in time from 'little girl' to 'big girl'.

I've given it a 5/8, because it has a good level of writing, but is kinda short and your story feels kinda 'gore for gore's sake'.

This story is already infamous for being one of the only stories on this site that Endmaster approves in terms of brutality and edginess. Among a plethora of Love Sick copycats, this story manages to stand on its own, delivering a perfect cocktail mixture of sheer horror and brutality that can only come from witnessing these events from the perspective of a little kid.

Now, does it match the hype?

The story begins with a quaint scene of a family having dinner. The author captures the child POV well with the details that they choose to focus on: Joshy's face smothered in sauce, pasta for dinner, while ignoring(for now) details that aren't as important to a child: a heated argument between your mother and father.

Yet, the readers obviously understand that something is up, and even from the beginning, something doesn't feel right.

This feeling that something isn't right is quickly confirmed when, in the path where you choose to help clean up, your father blows up at you for "ruining the towels".

This is a sharp turn into left field, the dramatic contrast between the quaint dinner scene and the angry father was well done, and sets up nicely for the horror that is to come.

Somehow, more than frightening monsters lurking inside our closets, or killer clowns with makeup-smeared faces, realistic monsters like an abusive father trigger us and scare us the most. This is because more than those other monsters, an abusive parent is a reality that many people unfortunately face, so reading about this monster sends chills down a reader's spine in a way few other monsters can. The feeling of just wanting to help and not understanding where you went wrong, of trying to placate the implacable was beautifully captured here.

No child should ever have to live under these conditions, yet unfortunately, millions, if not billions of children do live in these conditions.

The author really captures the horror of child abuse, when the father beats the child, you really feel it in. your bones. You're almost scared to click the next link because you don't know what could or would happen next.

The girl experiences a wide range of emotions depending on the choices she takes from rage to fear. Then after she wakes up in the middle of the night, the story takes a rapid turn into horrorville, with the father murdering your brother and your mother, eventually raping you in the Necrophiliac ending. This ending was probably the worst thing I've read, because Love Sick does something similar but imparts a sort of absurdist humor/comedy to it, making the violence and brutality more palatable because we're carried away by the excess of that insane protagonist, but here InsaneButVain does not give us that luxury as this author really makes us feel the weight of this horrible and evil action. Unfortunately, even if you call the cops in that branch, you get murdered, but that's at least better than the Necrophiliac ending.

The true ending gives the reader a chance at catharsis from some of the worst emotions experienced because of the other paths. I felt that this slightly strained credulity, but I have to applaud the author for their sheer boldness at taking this step, because this little girl is placed in what can only be described as "hell on earth", so naturally these unnatural circumstances will push her to do the unthinkable. And InsaneButVain perfectly captures that feeling with the unnatural giggles, the "I love you daddy" and just the general characterization of the insanity of this little girl; her abusive piece of shit father has finally broken her and she's forced to murder him. I especially loved the part where more blood comes than expected, because the protagonist, being a 7 year old girl, has naturally never killed anyone before. I felt slightly scared of that little girl in that moment, so that entire sequence is such good writing done by InsaneButVain. The mother's conflicting emotions of being glad that the monster was finally gone from their lives yet saddened at her daughter being the one to do the deed was well portrayed.

Overall, the writing instantly hooked me, and it was so well done. I really loved this horror, and the feeling of fear and helplessness, and of unbridled rage finally breaking through was really heightened by the protagonist being a little girl and facing her abusive father. This is also a realistic villain because for kids, an abusive parent is often their worst villain, more than killer clowns or zombies or something like that. Normally, the longer a story is, the better it is, but here the author packs quite the punch with a limited number of stories. No words were wasted to bring us into this hellish nightmare. This story was really chilling and I have to give it a 7/8.

slightly...more fun than homework

Pretty Intense. I restarted to get a lot of different endings but a few different paths led me to 'True'. 'True' was my first ending. I don't know if that's a good thing, or if there's even a good ending in the whole thing. Is there a path you can choose that will not get anyone hurt?

That's one crazy family!

This has to be one of my favorite story-games now. Excellent job.

Perfect. Don't change a thing. This is one of the highest ratings I've ever given. Yeah, it's gross, but I like the realism. I didn't read any incest so I don't know if that woulda been too much. Fun and absorbing. Great job!

Well written with very few spelling or grammar errors. As I said with the last story you did the endings could be a bit more varied. But a truly disturbing tale indeed.

Haha, hilarious and true like the other story ;)

The grammar and punctuation was very courteous, and the vocabulary was over the limit. The story and plot was well-written, but it was kind of crazy. Thanks for more stories! :)