Player Comments on Dispiteous

Honestly, this is the first story that I ever saw on this site, that even came close to Love SICK level.

It’s dark, it’s edgy, it’s gory, it’s taboo breaking, and it’s definitely the type of story I like seeing around here.

The story of course is very short since you wrote it within a time limit, but I think with stories like this they work better on the shorter side of things since “edgelord tales” tend to get dull unless you break things up now and then.

Still, it probably could have been a little bit longer and not wore out its welcome. I can imagine that if you had the time you would have easily been able to expand on the fucked up family dynamics a lot more (Perhaps a bit more about the mom) and potentially added more branches and such. I know you have that creativity and talent since you tend to excel with this style of writing.

Anyway I liked it a lot.

(It’s no Love SICK, of course)

Whelp, that was... disturbing... I don't know what I can really say anymore about this than that I already did while proofreading the beginning (tagging doesn't work in storygame descriptions btw).

The writing was good, tough this genre of story isn't exactly my favorite, and though you only put two hours of work into this, it didn't really show. There were a decent amount of endings, though some of them (like the 'grown-up' ones felt a little rushed because of the sudden jump in time from 'little girl' to 'big girl'.

I've given it a 5/8, because it has a good level of writing, but is kinda short and your story feels kinda 'gore for gore's sake'.

This story is already infamous for being one of the only stories on this site that Endmaster approves in terms of brutality and edginess. Among a plethora of Love Sick copycats, this story manages to stand on its own, delivering a perfect cocktail mixture of sheer horror and brutality that can only come from witnessing these events from the perspective of a little kid.

Now, does it match the hype?

The story begins with a quaint scene of a family having dinner. The author captures the child POV well with the details that they choose to focus on: Joshy's face smothered in sauce, pasta for dinner, while ignoring(for now) details that aren't as important to a child: a heated argument between your mother and father.

Yet, the readers obviously understand that something is up, and even from the beginning, something doesn't feel right.

This feeling that something isn't right is quickly confirmed when, in the path where you choose to help clean up, your father blows up at you for "ruining the towels".

This is a sharp turn into left field, the dramatic contrast between the quaint dinner scene and the angry father was well done, and sets up nicely for the horror that is to come.

Somehow, more than frightening monsters lurking inside our closets, or killer clowns with makeup-smeared faces, realistic monsters like an abusive father trigger us and scare us the most. This is because more than those other monsters, an abusive parent is a reality that many people unfortunately face, so reading about this monster sends chills down a reader's spine in a way few other monsters can. The feeling of just wanting to help and not understanding where you went wrong, of trying to placate the implacable was beautifully captured here.

No child should ever have to live under these conditions, yet unfortunately, millions, if not billions of children do live in these conditions.

The author really captures the horror of child abuse, when the father beats the child, you really feel it in. your bones. You're almost scared to click the next link because you don't know what could or would happen next.

The girl experiences a wide range of emotions depending on the choices she takes from rage to fear. Then after she wakes up in the middle of the night, the story takes a rapid turn into horrorville, with the father murdering your brother and your mother, eventually raping you in the Necrophiliac ending. This ending was probably the worst thing I've read, because Love Sick does something similar but imparts a sort of absurdist humor/comedy to it, making the violence and brutality more palatable because we're carried away by the excess of that insane protagonist, but here InsaneButVain does not give us that luxury as this author really makes us feel the weight of this horrible and evil action. Unfortunately, even if you call the cops in that branch, you get murdered, but that's at least better than the Necrophiliac ending.

The true ending gives the reader a chance at catharsis from some of the worst emotions experienced because of the other paths. I felt that this slightly strained credulity, but I have to applaud the author for their sheer boldness at taking this step, because this little girl is placed in what can only be described as "hell on earth", so naturally these unnatural circumstances will push her to do the unthinkable. And InsaneButVain perfectly captures that feeling with the unnatural giggles, the "I love you daddy" and just the general characterization of the insanity of this little girl; her abusive piece of shit father has finally broken her and she's forced to murder him. I especially loved the part where more blood comes than expected, because the protagonist, being a 7 year old girl, has naturally never killed anyone before. I felt slightly scared of that little girl in that moment, so that entire sequence is such good writing done by InsaneButVain. The mother's conflicting emotions of being glad that the monster was finally gone from their lives yet saddened at her daughter being the one to do the deed was well portrayed.

Overall, the writing instantly hooked me, and it was so well done. I really loved this horror, and the feeling of fear and helplessness, and of unbridled rage finally breaking through was really heightened by the protagonist being a little girl and facing her abusive father. This is also a realistic villain because for kids, an abusive parent is often their worst villain, more than killer clowns or zombies or something like that. Normally, the longer a story is, the better it is, but here the author packs quite the punch with a limited number of stories. No words were wasted to bring us into this hellish nightmare. This story was really chilling and I have to give it a 7/8.

slightly...more fun than homework

Pretty Intense. I restarted to get a lot of different endings but a few different paths led me to 'True'. 'True' was my first ending. I don't know if that's a good thing, or if there's even a good ending in the whole thing. Is there a path you can choose that will not get anyone hurt?

That's one crazy family!

This has to be one of my favorite story-games now. Excellent job.

Perfect. Don't change a thing. This is one of the highest ratings I've ever given. Yeah, it's gross, but I like the realism. I didn't read any incest so I don't know if that woulda been too much. Fun and absorbing. Great job!

Well written with very few spelling or grammar errors. As I said with the last story you did the endings could be a bit more varied. But a truly disturbing tale indeed.

Haha, hilarious and true like the other story ;)

The grammar and punctuation was very courteous, and the vocabulary was over the limit. The story and plot was well-written, but it was kind of crazy. Thanks for more stories! :)

Eery. I mean, Dad's an abuser, Ok, and a rapist, sure, but does he also need to be a paedophile necrophiliac? Seems a bit much evil for one character. The rest was pretty good, except I don't understand the true ending. Why did Mom kill me? I don't understand. From other people's comments, I don't seem to be misunderstanding. Still, other than that it was an enjoyable, if disturbing, level of fucked up.

Quite amazing.

It was a pretty short storygame. I did not catch any grammar or punctuation mistakes. But, seriously why did it have to be so dark? I mean either you die or get raped by your father who is a murderer AND a necrophiliac. Wow, I mean like, was that necessary?

I liked this one too. Although it was disturbing even for me. This is the only story that's ever given me chills while reading it.

Nice!

Other than this story being, to an extent, linear, it is well written and is quite intense. Honestly I am also a fan of gore and horror and, I hate to say it, but I was really expecting more, maybe not LOVE SICK more, but more none the less.

Good. The only thing preventing it from being "EndMaster Good" is a little detail, some more pedophilia and a lot more carnage.

Played through every ending. Think I'm happy with "true" since it's possibly the kindest, but I've gone a little soft since becoming a mother.

All in all, nice game.

True Ending my ass. 7/8.

That was effed up but I really liked it.

its so scary

Disturbing. . . I just read your other story and what is it with you and disturbing stories? Not that it's bad thing though, actually it's very good. Keep up the great work.
But there's one thing, i actually would like to see you try to write a story with another theme, you're a great writer and i'd like to see you write other kinds of stories.

I've been meaning to read this one for awhile and finally got around to it. Gotta say, you pull no punches when dishing it out on your protagonist!

For a short game, it was certainly enjoyable, but I feel you could have taken the story a little further with a little more variance in the different endings.

You have a very good talent with imagery.

Damn, you're fucked up.

That rating is for people who like dexter stile stuff. Hahahahaha. Good book, a tad fucked up though. Nice for 11PM. Wish you could have put an option to kill both your parents or something. Would have been interesting. O well. This is why we created hauntings.

I reviewed this a few months back (Still under the name Chris11302) and I realized I couldn't have been more wrong about this story. After ACTUALLY reading Love SICK, I can officially say this is not more brutal than ove sick, and I can now like this game, considering I have been pushed over the edge and became a sociopath, due to said story Love SICK (As if I already wasn't a sociopath). Anyway, this is a gem of a story, though I don't suggest it to anyone under the age of 16 (Which I am under the age of 16, lol). 7/8

Wow. Just, wow. The intricacy of the story was fascinating. I have to say that this is definitely one of the best games I have ever played. Great grammar, spelling and creativity. I got the "True" ending, and never thought I would end up killing my father., and being killed by my mother. Great job on the game.
8/8.

Fantastic writing, that was just amazing. 7/8.

Holy fuck you ending...

I feel ill. Fucking amazing writing, though.

thats freakin disturbing

Very dark, but I love it. I played a few times but I am not sure if their a happily ever after ending to be found. I got gruesome endings. Well done.

This was a good read. There's no doubt that you're a brilliant writer.

This is a pretty brutal and dark story which was very well written. I can see why people compare it to Love SICK. It's hard to believe you did all this in under two hours. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what I like about this story, but I like it anyway.

One thing I didn't like too much was the way many of the choices would lead to the same endings. They were all done in a way that made sense but I still feel that made replaying this storygame less fun.

There was the odd mistake that could have been corrected by more thorough proofreading.

Another good story by IBV.

6/8

one of my favourite stories :)

I really like this game - it had a little bit of everything. Good work.

Hoooooly shit. This is fucking dark! Okay, this is the most twisted piece of writing I've seen on the site so far. I mean, I mean, this really is waaaaay more brutal than Love SICK.

Okay, let me just say this to get the review over with: I hate all the endings. In every single ending you die. Just because of that, I can give this no higher than a 5/8. Even in the true ending you die! That's just stupid.

Woah!

Yeah, I can see how this could be considered a lot more disturbing than Love SICK.

But no, I don't think you should remove/edit it. You've put enough warning for any passer-byers, and honestly, at this point, it's a choice whether or not to read it. I have to agree with Madbrad2000, this is actually a very unique piece on this site.

For a 90 minutes challenge, this is not bad at all. I loved the writing, all though I do feel as though it was a bit rushed towards the "Big Girl" addition, and also, the way the little girl immediately thinks of murdering the father as a way to console her problems. Still, nothing too bad that it makes the story sour.

I really think you should continue this a lot more, because this is not bad at all. If it was longer, however, that would prove more satisfying.

In the end, I would give it a 5/8.

I have learnt a lot of life lessons in this story like,

If you dont like someone if your family kill them.

Thanks, youve really helped :)

Wow. A very detailed and interesting storygame. Brought back some memories for me and I actually relived some of that. 7/8. An Excellent storygame.

That was a good, but macabre tale. I played until I got the True Ending, devilishly delightful. ;)

got all 3 endings. Good story

Interesting.

Whoa... That was... Good job though!

Well I've learnt a valuable lesson today... When in doubt, murder your father! ^_^
Seriously though, I'm not sure this counts as a 90 minute game since it took you longer than 90 minutes to write it. Still, this was really good considering it only took you a couple of hours (except for one ending called "And so she waited" which I think you might've forgotten to finish.)

Woah. That was pretty intense. I think I got all the endings though. Wow. I liked it, but I don't know if I should. That was scarily good.

To reiterate, no, I don't think you should edit it.

Well....that was a jolly story to read.....

"DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18." -Honestly, I would much prefer some warnings, rather than a 'DON'T READ THIS'. This story was fucked up, but if you keep enough warnings, people should be able to make that choice themselves.

"If anyone thinks I should edit the story to be less intense" - I want to say yes, because this story was...really....really fucked up. But that's what made it great. Unique maybe. The story was good, and I think I got all of the endings (There are more than a few). It was a good read, and probably more disturbing than 'Love Sick'.