Herobrine in the Deep Dark Part 1

I assume the '10' in the author's name is their age.

My home dawg, this story was 100%, full cap, straight fire (or something). I don’t even know where to start. Wait, yes I do! Let’s start at the beginning.

SpOiLeRs

So, right off the bat, we load into the world of Minecraft. We load straight into a plains biome. Now, I’ve played a match or two of the ol’ Minecraft in my day, and lemme tell ya, the plains biome is a GREAT place to catch pokèmans. It was a little upsetting that you didn’t give me the choice to catch the Wardens in my Pokeball though. Oh well, as Professor Oak used to say, “To live is to suffer.”

So yeah, I was hooked after that first scene. I haven’t been able to play Minecraft since my mom caught me buying Robux with her credit card, so your story is really helping me through this tough time.

The voices in my head told me to rate this an 8/8, but they also told me to strangle the neighbor’a puppy, so I’m not doing that, just to be safe. The men in the white coats keep telling me that it’s just the medicine talking and that it’ll all be over soon. Anyway, they want me to stop talking now so they can put my arms back in the straight jacket. So long for now.

I hate this bullshit of "first page is a description" because you have a WHOLE DESCRIPTION BOX that only has two sentences. Just put the description all in the description, and then put the story in the story.

I also hate people that publish a "part 1" that's not even 2k words. If each part is going to be 1.5k words, are we going to have a 69 part story? Rhetorical question--I'm sure we'll never even get a part 2.

The most egregious thing about this entire game is that I died because slipped on a fucking pebble and fell... in Minecraft. ANY MINECRAFT PLAYER KNOWS THAT YOU CAN JUST CROUCH, I HAVEN'T DIED OF FALL DAMAGE IN FUCKING YEARS! This is also 1.19, so THERE'S ELYTRA. HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A MINECRAFT PLAYER WITHOUT ELYTRA???

My verdict: the author and the main character are noobs.

How do you even complete this shit? I got to the part where herobrine is summoned and it just loops one page over and over.

I think it is pretty obvious that this was written by a smaller child, so I will try to go easy on the wording.

*******************(spoilers for basically the whole thing. I don't know why I go through the effort of fully commenting on stories like this one and not ones that actually deserve a real comment.)*******************************************

The story: You lost points immediately with me and more than likely everyone else by making this more than one part. It is completely unnecessary. The story was far too short to deserve more than one part anyway. You could have just written everything you planned to in this one story.

Moving on to the plot in question, It's not great. You start off joining Minecraft with a youtuber called Eystreem. You go to the deep dark biome to look for Herobrine. Wardens block your path or something in the first world, so you generate a lot more worlds looking for signs of him. You eventually end up in a mineshaft that is blocked off by bedrock and a moving wall approaches you. A new hallway appears. You go through the hallway and it leads to an alter to Herobrine. Herobrine teleports you to the first world you generated or something like that and the story ends.

That is it. There are barely any other details. There are no choices unless it's an end game link. The story is incomplete and linear.

There is also northing done with Eystreem. He is just kind of there. He doesn't say or do anything outside of the first pages. You could have written the character out completely and it still would have made sense.

Gameplay: Like I said above, The storygame is completely linear. There are just a bunch of early death links, which is ironically the only way to truly end the game. The last page of the game is supposed to loop you back to the first page, but it is broken.

Grammar: The grammar here is absolutely abysmal. There are unneeded punctuations, misspellings, spaces in the middle of words, poor sentence structuring, the works. It was a real pain to get through.

Overall, this needs to be reworked in the worst way. I would suggest maybe ditching Eystreem completely, reworking the plot a bit, definitely fixing the grammar, and make it just one complete story instead of two or more parts. You should also branch out some more, instead of having a linear story. 3/8

its been 10 years but this game is ok

One dead link and there's also way too many early death links, making it feel very linear. Plus, don't split up your game in parts, it clearly needed the length.