Interception

Not bad! Could you also make a version where you can be a girl as well? I think that would make it a bit better and longer. You could also make it so that you have to deal with teachers and study and answer test questions. That would make it a lot better! Again, can you please make it more detailed and longer? Thanks!
-Shadowgirl_101

3/8 I gave it a 3 because I don't like the rating system here. 2 is pooping on and I don't think anything is that bad. ok back to the story. Not a fan of the writing at all. Too simple and very little descriptions. As others have commented, the very 1st word sets the tone. having said that, I took the path of following my long lost enemy (not sure I even got the enemies name)and caused a distraction and won the game. Maybe the other paths are better.

Very interesting storyline.

This is an okay idea, but there are some improvements one could make.

Add more detail. I want to know more about who I am, who my enemy is, why we are enemies, and who Simone is. I want to know more about my school and at least the name of the school of my enemy. As a previous commenter mentioned, it would be great to know about the mascots.

Expand. Right now the story is short. As it happens, it seems that this plot can go two different directions. Expand upon the scene where you follow the enemy; I want to see more choices with that instead of clicking two links. I also want to see more about the football game. I'm confused as to why the main character seems to be in charge of the team and is calling huddles? And telling the team what to do? Where is the coach?

Eliminate random choices. No one likes to choose between two choices randomly. Give us some background. Explain the different choices and tell us about the possibilities. Then when we make a decision, it can be an informed decision and not a random guess.

Overall a good idea, but if those three things were changed it could be better!

Do you know what paragraphs are? Jokes aside, this needs a lot of work. The grammar was poor, and many of the choices were random. When the first word of your story is grammatically incorrect, the reader can already tell the quality.

So the game is realy short and random. You will hit pages that say you win, but there's still more story (not potental story the game just ends with a disarisfing tou win.) Most of the options are luck because you get no back up ifdormation anywhere about certain thing. Also the class just end when ever some one said class dissmised (even you can say this) and after a quick glance you see that the classes are realy just filler for the story. Try adding detail about the opposing team, give them a name and a mascot or some thing, give my team a name and a mascot! Also I would like more the the game than there is. Try to add more than two you win pages (one of which has nothing to do with the story.) you could use varibals to keep track of the games score then if you have so many points in the ens of the game you win instead of just having huge cliffs. The spelling had a few errors (your you're) but on the whole was fine. All in all, not a worthless game, just a worthless execution of the game.

pretty short, was a pretty mediocre storygame

"Your in high school."

Look, I'm gonna stop you there. I don't care how long you spent on this story or if you think you made something great. If you can't differentiate between "Your" and "You're", I'm not going to be giving you positive ratings. IT'S WRITING 101: USE THE RIGHT WORD.

Invest in a dictionary and finish the 7th grade.

this is brilliant!

wonderful story. Is it more about football or high school